Overbearing Swimming Parents

Leslie- I shudder at them, but great examples. I talk quite a bit to the local age-group coach (who was our coach as well last year, but a cabal of age-group parents forced him to give it up as a 'conflict of interest') & he is pestered by parents demanding more yardage, demanding that their children be entered in events that they are plainly unready for, shouting nonsensical techique instructions at their kids during workout. One parent routinely sends him 8 page emails every week re her son's 'progress' and what she thinks should be next in his training regimen. I have seen the emails & have observed the other behaviors while waiting for my workouts; he is a young guy, full of good ideas, but these parents could kill coaching for him.

When I was little, I was afraid of water. My friends would make fun of me, and I would cry very often during summer camps. Then I learned that I could float in a 18 inches deep pool in our backyard. As soon as I realized I could float, I immediately learned to swim. One day, I went to a 50m pool in Quebec. I jumped in the pool and performed unlimited number of length the head outside the water. A lifeguard get off his chair, came and told me that I'd better put my face in the water and turn on the side to breathe. I did 56 length that way, so happy that I could finally swim. This lifeguard looked at my amazing performance (I swam for maybe 3hours in a row). He invited me to summer swim camp. My parents said yes, as I could go there by myself riding my bike anyway. Then came automn. The coach wanted me to join the team (3-5 mornings a week). I told him my parents would never say yes. He came in person at my place to ask my father. His answer was a definite NO, saying that he didn't want to drive me there. See you next summer... "maybe" he said... I wish I had more pressure to swim back then. I became a juvenile deliquent few years after.

Parents can be the childs worst enemy, my wife and I worked with troubled teens in the north. This one young man had shop lifted in a store, his mother and father took from him as a consequence the one thing that may have saved him from a life of crime. He was a great little hockey player, he was a dream on the ice. When his parents stopped him skating, in stead of playing hockey he became a break in artist. Now twenty he is in jail. We cared for him in our home because his parents did not want him. All he wanted was to be with them. They were supposed to visit him once a week. This one day he was very excited his parents were coming to town he had not seen them for several months. The mother called to say to him go to the Kwah Hall and when they pass by on their way to Prince George they would wave at him. That night at 13 he broke into the liquor store and ran away.

Solar: But you're not now. You're a masters swimmer, USS coach and are helping people here. That's pretty good in my book.

At the age group club where Dave "chaos" Barra and I are volunteer coaches, we've recruited three parents - including the board prez -- to join us as volunteer coaches. I'm mentoring them and they're swimming too. Now that they're standing behind the blocks at practice, seeing what the coaches see and dealing with what they deal with, they totally get it and have become invaluable ambassadors to the other parents. We used to get the questions about why we weren't doing more yardage. Our parent-coaches now see how irrelevant the question is until the kids can do fundamentals - technique, stroke counting, knowing their time and the interval - correctly AND pay attention and stay on task. Actually here in Illinois this would be an issue in our LSC. Only registered coaches with Illinois Swimming are insured to coach on deck. ISI says that having volunteer coaches of this nature is a liability issue and would not allow this.

I was a gymnast growing up so that is where most of my crazy parent stories come from ... A former teammate of mine broke her foot. Her father told the doctors that she did not need a cast. He REFUSED to let her get one so she could still work on bars. Same dad, would yell at anyone that had the "audacity" to fall off of bars, beam, etc. We were hear teammates and we needed to look good so she looked good so the college coaches would recruit her. When her grades were down in high school he gathered all of her medals, trophies, etc. and yelled her that if she didn't get better grades all of "these" were getting thrown out (it is unclear whether or not he actually threw them at her) The gymnastics stories I have would make your teeth curl ... A father of a girl I swam with actually became an offical so he could be on deck with his older daughter swam and judge his younger daughter in diving. Niether girl ever said a word to him during a meet. The swimmer made state cuts her freshman year easily by senior year she was significantly slower ...

I teach swimming here on the island of Roatan, Honduras. I have been teaching children from 6 months old to 5 years of age over the past five years. A woman with three children wanted private lessons so we began there. All classes are held in the ocean as there is no pool. (takes more creativity) I evaluated each of her children and developed a skills development class for each of them. Her older daughter loves breaststroke. When I saw it, I knew we had to start all over, totally over. She caught on pretty fast but always questioned why I was making the changes because she had been "taught" by a very good swimmer. She was unsure if I knew what I was talking about. I had her look at some videos of elite swimmers and then she told me it was her mom her taught her. I spoke to her mom about the changes and why. She informed me that she was an excellent swimmer, knew all four strokes because she was a lifeguard back in high school. This 9 year old girl was swimming breaststroke totally underwater with the widest pull all the way down to her hips I have ever seen. Her breastroke now looks like it should and funny, she travels faster. The other two children have improved immensely, but she is reigning hail on the son who does not like swimming and wants to read books and play the piano. He does not like swimming. I talked to her and told her I only wanted to work with him enough so that he could swim 100 yards back to shore if he ever got into trouble. Or, if he fell off a dock and needed to save himself (tread water). She wants all of them to get swimming college scholarships and they are ages: 4, 9, 10. I cancelled the classes because the only one interested was the older daughter whose breaststroke improved. The other ones were crying most of the time. And, I don't want them to grow up hating the water. Situations like this truly hurt my heart because I know how much fun swimming can be. Donna

Solar: But you're not now. True that. And I have no bitterness whatsoever. People used to have kids at a very young age back then. They did their best given the values that they had. Thanks for the kind words :)

These are some awful stories. How about some that talk about the good things. Here's one... In the early 80's, I helped coach an age group track club in Reno NV. One night while holding practice, Bill Cosby came to the track to workout (he was giving a lecture at the University the next day). When he saw all these kids he asked us if he could talk to them and then just sat on the grass of the infield and talked with them and told stories for more than an hour. He never did get a workout.

You must understand that some parents of parents used to say if you don't go near the water you won't drown. On the east coast of Canada the fishermen did not want to learn to swim because if their boats went down they knew their chance for survival was not good and if they could swim they would suffer longer.