Overbearing Swimming Parents

Parents eventually were barred from the pool deck at practice, mainly because the crazy parents that I mentioned in another thread would terrorize their kids during sets. They had two kids, a boy and a girl, swimming in our senior group. Their parents would both come to practice and would follow them up and down the lane during a hard set, or come and yell at them if they saw them pulling on the lane line or not trying hard enough. They'd even film practice sets. They'd yell "What are you doing?!" "You should be going harder!" "Come on, you'll never win nationals with that attitude!" They'd try to take over and tell our coach what is best for them. Our coach got so fed up, he told them they couldn't be on deck during practice anymore. These parents need to get a life!!! Maybe they should join USMS or focus on their own health and exercise. Ugh. I feel so sorry for coaches that have to deal with people like that.

I know about 10 young boys who are from the ages of 9yrs to 17yrs. Six had dads who swam in college. None of these boys will swim. they all say that swimming is too gay. I don't really know what that means since their dads had something to do with getting them here. After I was in 11th grade, my fahter never watched me swim ever again. He was a single parent and was very busy. He thought that swimming as a sport was good exercise but boring to watch. He probalby only attended about half of the meets I ever participated. He would sit for hours watching golf.

Craig My father was so into our family swimming he even travelled with me to the on the Marathon Swimming Circuit when I was in my thirties. When we were kids he used to drive a load of club swimmers all over the province when we raced in the meets. He could only swim breaststroke and sidestroke. He had been a 6 day bike rider when he was younger.

I have a few parents who expect some sort of magical overnight improvement in their kids from our coaching staff. Making state cuts should be the mandatory reward. I guess the parents feel that everyone deserves it after all the practices they do. (half the yardage of what we did as kids by the way) For the "naturals" it's a given...but for the some of the others, it just ain't gonna happen. ....No matter how many workouts. Somehow there's a sense of entitlement for high achievement... just because they show up. (The very same parents who give them carte blanche to the vending machines after practice.) Progress takes time and requires patience....aside from good nutrition and sleep habits.

One night a swimmom told me that she had started bringing her stopwatch to practice and was timing her 8-year-old daughter each night. I was about to start chewing her out because that is not the parent's role and besides, her coach spends most of the time on technique drills and games, not speed. Turned out that mom was just timing how fast the daughter could get showered and dressed after practice. Some of the little girls would stand in the showers and talk and play for about a halfhour after practice which was getting her home late on a school night. Pretty funny. Usually my Masters group has the whole 6-lane pool for summer mornings, but our coach was out so another coach covered and brought his 11-14 year old advanced swimmers to also workout at this pool. When the SUV's rolled up and the parents and kids emerged, it was staggering how the environment changed. It was like a wave of high pressure compressing the air around the deck. This pool doesn't have a clear delineation between spectator areas and deck, and the moms were coming right up to the pool, helping their kids with their goggles, raptly watching every move the swimmers and coaches made, etc. I ended up rounding most of the parents up to go for an impromptu trip to a nearby Starbucks to get them away. There wasn't anything you could really put a finger on, but the atmosphere went from a light breezy pleasant summer morning outdoors to being really oppressive. I felt sorry for the coach but heard that it was worse than normal that day.

Parents eventually were barred from the pool deck at practice, mainly because the crazy parents that I mentioned in another thread would terrorize their kids during sets. They had two kids, a boy and a girl, swimming in our senior group. Their parents would both come to practice and would follow them up and down the lane during a hard set, or come and yell at them if they saw them pulling on the lane line or not trying hard enough. They'd even film practice sets. They'd yell "What are you doing?!" "You should be going harder!" "Come on, you'll never win nationals with that attitude!" They'd try to take over and tell our coach what is best for them. Our coach got so fed up, he told them they couldn't be on deck during practice anymore. Unfortunately, since we swam at the O'Connell Center, they could stand up on the second level and see just fine. It was always fun to look up at them pacing or shaking their heads and fists when their kids got scolded by our coach or swam slow. Poor kids. Both burnt out first year of college.

This all relates (in a perverse way) to these New York city parents who go to to agonizing lengths to get their children into the correct preschool (seriously!) to be on stream to get into Harvard and also network with the right sort of children. I even felt it when I used to have to tell some mom that 'The Perfect Book' for her precocious child (recommended by her wealthy older friend) was long out of print. I was just glad that mom wasn't armed at that point! Which, come to think of it, might still be an issue in your neck of the woods...

8 page emails every week re her son's 'progress' and what she thinks should be next in his training regimen. Peter: Now this is truly hideous as well. Maybe you should share some of the anecdotes on this thread with him, so he realizes how prevalent the "overbearing" parent is. Maybe the USS team should make clear that they don't want parent emails regarding training. In our team handbook there is a section dealing with "the growing intrusion of parents" that reprints an article from Splash magazine on this topic. It also gives "positive parenting tips" and lists the "10 Commandments" of swimming by Rose Snyder. Among those commandments are "thou shalt not coach thy child" and "honor they child's coach." Maybe that would help the poor guy. I hope they don't drum him out of the sport. Thankfully, I can honestly say that the only email I have ever sent to my daughter's coach is a list of her events for a meet -- events she picks out.

Turned out that mom was just timing how fast the daughter could get showered and dressed after practice. I have to admit finding this idea somewhat appealing. It is pretty crazy how long these kids can linger in the shower. Last night at a meet I attended I went to the men's locker room and there were two 9/10 boys lying on the shower floor rolling around with every single shower going full blast. Maybe they'll learn their lesson when they are covered in athlete's foot from head to toe!

When my son was 8, I finally went in to the men's lockerroom to get him. My then 3 year old daughter and I waited around at the college pool for 45 minutes for him to get out of there. I knew there was no men in there, just him and another boy from the team. They were sitting on the bench in their shorts, shirt and shoes not on yet, yakking. Last year my daughter(now 13) was always the last out of the shower, and the girls would come out one at a time and tell me she was in the shower singing. Now if a girl asks me who my daughter is, I tell them, and if they don't recognize the name, I say, she is the one who sings all the time in the shower. They know right away who she is! This year she leaves the pool deck wet, puts her parka on and leaves, she wants to get home. Of course, with pools being broken, and being forced to swim until 9:30, and then we have to drive home from out of town, she just wants to get home.