My demented editor (I know he doesn't swim, but I can only hope he isn't a closet masters swim forum lurker) has recently proposed sending me to Afghanistan, which I can't even spell, in order to do a story not on the resurgent Taliban or even the ups and downs of the opium trade, but rather on the enduring popularity of male body building in that ruined country. Supposedly, despite all the troubles over there, muscle gyms abound in Kabul--testimony, in my editor's eyes, at least, to the ineradicability of male vanity.
Why he wants me to write about this is a more complicated story, but I replied that I thought his essential premise was flawed--that men don't body build out of vanity/desire to impress the distaff gender; they do it (in my opinion--must check with evolutionary psychologists for verification; the attached poll is a way of gauging feminine sentiment regarding hypermuscularity) to keep other guys from beating them up. The largest per capita rate of male body building in the US goes is in prisons in states where the respective state legislatures have not banned barbells (hoping to prevent super criminals from being released en masse upon the flabby public when their sentences are over.) My editor was undeterred by my theories and objections--he still wants me to go.
For a variety of reasons, including a probable State Department ban on tourism to countries we're at war with (again, more research needed), I doubt I will actually be going to Afghanistan. But in the remote case I do go, does anyone know places to swim over there?
If I am to be the first "journalist" beheaded during the Global War on Terror, not for investigating this, to be sure, but while reporting on muscle gyms, I would like to at least be able to get some final relaxing laps in before losing my head.
PS if anyone is interested in coming along as a personal masseuse on this junket, let me know your measurements for the prerequisite burka (I think Amanda Beard might model these on the Speedo web site, but I'm not sure.) I'm thinking a good neck rub might serve to relax the cervical muscles, eliminating any knots that might otherwise impede the scimitar's progress, making my moment of dispatch as speedy and pleasant as possible
In this way, I--and not my demented editor--will get the last, albeit very short-lived, laugh!
Former Member
Slowswim: I like your profile pic. Tri?
Caped:
Yes, Mease Hospital Inaugural Tri. in Clearwater FL (Sand Key). I call it my trophy pic because I actually have a lady on each arm as well as a beer in each hand.
It was a great race and a great post race party.:drink: :banana:
I cropped them out since I don't have their permission to post it.
What, we can't joke anymore? Just a sense I get, but judging from past threads, no one likes being told to move on. I've sold out. I'm a Republican on economic issues and a Democrat on social issues. I pay way too much in taxes.
Jim: It's not good to brag about being a geek.
Rich: Good luck at your meet. Hope your back is better.
Fortress: Your job sucks. Take up journalism.
Geek: Keep zinging the SMITHS. It's way more entertaining than the other pious comments.
Gull: Glad your dry humor is back.
Islandsox: Haven't spoken for awhile, but I hope the fly training is going well.
Slowswim: I like your profile pic. Tri?
Who said anything about being a geek? LOL! But since everyone else is plugging thier political stance, I guess I can say a little about mine....which is that I feel "similarly" as the way you described yours Caped One in that I am somewhat fiscally conservative...but Socially liberal....but saying I'm a "Republican" on economic issues may be a bit of a stretch for me.
Newmastersswimmer
Jim, as a retired Army enlisted guy, I could tell you my opinions and thoughts on the subject, but then again, they are my opinions. They would definitely offend some of the more left leaning personalities on here.
With that said, I DO believe that we could win over there if the arm chair quarterbacks and Congress would stay the H$%& out of it. This not a conventional war - 911 proved that. The Iraqi's didn't trust us in the beginning because of the first Gulf War. Clinton and the whole world stood up and said Sadam had WMDs. By the way, they DID find stuff there contrary to what is reported in the majority of the press.
I could go on and on and on....I am currently a military contractor who has been over to the region 3 different times and can tell you personally that things are going a whole lot better then any of the media reports!!!
I honestly hope and pray that your trip is an enjoyable one, it's really not as bad over there as you hear on the news. I think you will be surprised at what you find.
O Caped One. You must pay attention; episodic attendance just won't do. Every so often our weird extended 'family' turns on their own. Not for humour, not for enlightenment, but for bloodshed. That style will not carry the day, eternal night would prevail; we strive to maintain a balance, largely we have succeeded- many threads have prospered: both narrowly swimming oriented and wildly external. This is a test for you: will you seek to destroy what we have built back from near annihilation, or will you contribute to the oddly attractive forums that now stand?
Nearly hoisted by my own petard, good thing I moved on after that to wiffle and gobsmacked.
I like the way your King is protecting your queen there Peter....Nice defensive position LOL! :rofl:
newmastersswimmer
Women dress for other women, undress for men.
Wise observation. Kind of in the same spirit as the stand-up comic who said that most women Magazines' covers have about six or seven banners explaining why men are "scum" then a larger one "10 secrets to attracting men!"
See a guy joining a health club, going on a diet... Cherchez la femme!
.....and when it's a little bit too late, you discover that she is someone else's "femme" and he makes more money than you.
... you just want to know that you could (get a woman) if you would, that is, you want to know that you can go searching for company and be successful as when you were young and handsome and single.
A bit of a conundrum in Canada where 23.5 months out of 24, it's Winterrrrrrrrrr and we (men) are so covered up that no matter what your physique, you (not you Billiy, but "one") might have any kind of (possibly attractive) build and they can't see past your car (a Kia), or your flattish wallet or your hairline beating a retreat. And for my luck, the gym to which I go has a ratio of old men to younger (50+) women of 36,8765,654 to two. My swimming pool is even worse (and I'm not including the noodlers.)
why do we feel attracted to people who participate in the same type of sports that we do?
Probably because the odds of getting to say a few words to them are in our favour. How would I ever get to say "Hi" to Maria Sharapova or Gabriella Sabatini? (Forget Navratilova!)
That said, Afghani women must be fantastic swimmers (if they swim daily, wearing their heavy water-soaked burkas as resistance apparatii). Once they get to Worlds or the Olympics and shed those, watch them zoom.
