My demented editor (I know he doesn't swim, but I can only hope he isn't a closet masters swim forum lurker) has recently proposed sending me to Afghanistan, which I can't even spell, in order to do a story not on the resurgent Taliban or even the ups and downs of the opium trade, but rather on the enduring popularity of male body building in that ruined country. Supposedly, despite all the troubles over there, muscle gyms abound in Kabul--testimony, in my editor's eyes, at least, to the ineradicability of male vanity.
Why he wants me to write about this is a more complicated story, but I replied that I thought his essential premise was flawed--that men don't body build out of vanity/desire to impress the distaff gender; they do it (in my opinion--must check with evolutionary psychologists for verification; the attached poll is a way of gauging feminine sentiment regarding hypermuscularity) to keep other guys from beating them up. The largest per capita rate of male body building in the US goes is in prisons in states where the respective state legislatures have not banned barbells (hoping to prevent super criminals from being released en masse upon the flabby public when their sentences are over.) My editor was undeterred by my theories and objections--he still wants me to go.
For a variety of reasons, including a probable State Department ban on tourism to countries we're at war with (again, more research needed), I doubt I will actually be going to Afghanistan. But in the remote case I do go, does anyone know places to swim over there?
If I am to be the first "journalist" beheaded during the Global War on Terror, not for investigating this, to be sure, but while reporting on muscle gyms, I would like to at least be able to get some final relaxing laps in before losing my head.
PS if anyone is interested in coming along as a personal masseuse on this junket, let me know your measurements for the prerequisite burka (I think Amanda Beard might model these on the Speedo web site, but I'm not sure.) I'm thinking a good neck rub might serve to relax the cervical muscles, eliminating any knots that might otherwise impede the scimitar's progress, making my moment of dispatch as speedy and pleasant as possible
In this way, I--and not my demented editor--will get the last, albeit very short-lived, laugh!
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Jim, as a retired Army enlisted guy, I could tell you my opinions and thoughts on the subject, but then again, they are my opinions. They would definitely offend some of the more left leaning personalities on here.
With that said, I DO believe that we could win over there if the arm chair quarterbacks and Congress would stay the H$%& out of it. This not a conventional war - 911 proved that. The Iraqi's didn't trust us in the beginning because of the first Gulf War. Clinton and the whole world stood up and said Sadam had WMDs. By the way, they DID find stuff there contrary to what is reported in the majority of the press.
I could go on and on and on....I am currently a military contractor who has been over to the region 3 different times and can tell you personally that things are going a whole lot better then any of the media reports!!!
I honestly hope and pray that your trip is an enjoyable one, it's really not as bad over there as you hear on the news. I think you will be surprised at what you find.
Jim, as a retired Army enlisted guy, I could tell you my opinions and thoughts on the subject, but then again, they are my opinions. They would definitely offend some of the more left leaning personalities on here.
With that said, I DO believe that we could win over there if the arm chair quarterbacks and Congress would stay the H$%& out of it. This not a conventional war - 911 proved that. The Iraqi's didn't trust us in the beginning because of the first Gulf War. Clinton and the whole world stood up and said Sadam had WMDs. By the way, they DID find stuff there contrary to what is reported in the majority of the press.
I could go on and on and on....I am currently a military contractor who has been over to the region 3 different times and can tell you personally that things are going a whole lot better then any of the media reports!!!
I honestly hope and pray that your trip is an enjoyable one, it's really not as bad over there as you hear on the news. I think you will be surprised at what you find.
