My demented editor (I know he doesn't swim, but I can only hope he isn't a closet masters swim forum lurker) has recently proposed sending me to Afghanistan, which I can't even spell, in order to do a story not on the resurgent Taliban or even the ups and downs of the opium trade, but rather on the enduring popularity of male body building in that ruined country. Supposedly, despite all the troubles over there, muscle gyms abound in Kabul--testimony, in my editor's eyes, at least, to the ineradicability of male vanity.
Why he wants me to write about this is a more complicated story, but I replied that I thought his essential premise was flawed--that men don't body build out of vanity/desire to impress the distaff gender; they do it (in my opinion--must check with evolutionary psychologists for verification; the attached poll is a way of gauging feminine sentiment regarding hypermuscularity) to keep other guys from beating them up. The largest per capita rate of male body building in the US goes is in prisons in states where the respective state legislatures have not banned barbells (hoping to prevent super criminals from being released en masse upon the flabby public when their sentences are over.) My editor was undeterred by my theories and objections--he still wants me to go.
For a variety of reasons, including a probable State Department ban on tourism to countries we're at war with (again, more research needed), I doubt I will actually be going to Afghanistan. But in the remote case I do go, does anyone know places to swim over there?
If I am to be the first "journalist" beheaded during the Global War on Terror, not for investigating this, to be sure, but while reporting on muscle gyms, I would like to at least be able to get some final relaxing laps in before losing my head.
PS if anyone is interested in coming along as a personal masseuse on this junket, let me know your measurements for the prerequisite burka (I think Amanda Beard might model these on the Speedo web site, but I'm not sure.) I'm thinking a good neck rub might serve to relax the cervical muscles, eliminating any knots that might otherwise impede the scimitar's progress, making my moment of dispatch as speedy and pleasant as possible
In this way, I--and not my demented editor--will get the last, albeit very short-lived, laugh!
Parents
Former Member
Women dress for other women, undress for men.
Wise observation. Kind of in the same spirit as the stand-up comic who said that most women Magazines' covers have about six or seven banners explaining why men are "scum" then a larger one "10 secrets to attracting men!"
See a guy joining a health club, going on a diet... Cherchez la femme!
.....and when it's a little bit too late, you discover that she is someone else's "femme" and he makes more money than you.
... you just want to know that you could (get a woman) if you would, that is, you want to know that you can go searching for company and be successful as when you were young and handsome and single.
A bit of a conundrum in Canada where 23.5 months out of 24, it's Winterrrrrrrrrr and we (men) are so covered up that no matter what your physique, you (not you Billiy, but "one") might have any kind of (possibly attractive) build and they can't see past your car (a Kia), or your flattish wallet or your hairline beating a retreat. And for my luck, the gym to which I go has a ratio of old men to younger (50+) women of 36,8765,654 to two. My swimming pool is even worse (and I'm not including the noodlers.)
why do we feel attracted to people who participate in the same type of sports that we do?
Probably because the odds of getting to say a few words to them are in our favour. How would I ever get to say "Hi" to Maria Sharapova or Gabriella Sabatini? (Forget Navratilova!)
That said, Afghani women must be fantastic swimmers (if they swim daily, wearing their heavy water-soaked burkas as resistance apparatii). Once they get to Worlds or the Olympics and shed those, watch them zoom.
Women dress for other women, undress for men.
Wise observation. Kind of in the same spirit as the stand-up comic who said that most women Magazines' covers have about six or seven banners explaining why men are "scum" then a larger one "10 secrets to attracting men!"
See a guy joining a health club, going on a diet... Cherchez la femme!
.....and when it's a little bit too late, you discover that she is someone else's "femme" and he makes more money than you.
... you just want to know that you could (get a woman) if you would, that is, you want to know that you can go searching for company and be successful as when you were young and handsome and single.
A bit of a conundrum in Canada where 23.5 months out of 24, it's Winterrrrrrrrrr and we (men) are so covered up that no matter what your physique, you (not you Billiy, but "one") might have any kind of (possibly attractive) build and they can't see past your car (a Kia), or your flattish wallet or your hairline beating a retreat. And for my luck, the gym to which I go has a ratio of old men to younger (50+) women of 36,8765,654 to two. My swimming pool is even worse (and I'm not including the noodlers.)
why do we feel attracted to people who participate in the same type of sports that we do?
Probably because the odds of getting to say a few words to them are in our favour. How would I ever get to say "Hi" to Maria Sharapova or Gabriella Sabatini? (Forget Navratilova!)
That said, Afghani women must be fantastic swimmers (if they swim daily, wearing their heavy water-soaked burkas as resistance apparatii). Once they get to Worlds or the Olympics and shed those, watch them zoom.
