Swimming Stereotypes

Miss an event while talking:blah: to others about how fast:bolt: they are !!!:blah:

The Flipper (aka Mermaid) Doesn't swim a yard without fins, as if they are a permanent anatomical fixture.

There's a guy in the university pool I swim in that 's like that. Only worse. He's maybe 65 or 70 years old and I've seen him regularly for the last 25 or 30 years. I'm guessing he swims at least 3 times a week. Maybe somewhere up to 7. He does a modified dog paddle - his arms come out of the water, but his face never goes in. His hips and legs are bent at 60 to 90 degrees and roiate a littel with his torso but otherwise unmoving. It has been over 7 years since my gym opened its pool. The old guy with the ridiculous vertical doggy paddle hasn't changed his style one bit in all that time. The back floaters still can't navigate... at all. Paddle Guy With Unbending Elbows is still a danger to anyone within 4 feet of him. Triathlete Doing Bicycle Kick Freestyle still doesn't understand. (and I think Triathlete Doing Reverse Bicycle Kick Freestyle just gave up at some point) Old dogs have not learned new tricks. Meanwhile with the incentive of competition, I've improved my technique, lowered my times in most of the pool events, learned the back-to-*** flip turn, learned 6-beat kick in freestyle, learned DPS butterfly, and started swimming distance fly and distance IM in meets. I don't want to try it their way...

That Guy Who You Want Desperately to Give a Few Pointers Too: There's a guy in the university pool I swim in that 's like that. Only worse. He's maybe 65 or 70 years old and I've seen him regularly for the last 25 or 30 years. I'm guessing he swims at least 3 times a week. Maybe somewhere up to 7. He does a modified dog paddle - his arms come out of the water, but his face never goes in. His hips and legs are bent at 60 to 90 degrees and roiate a littel with his torso but otherwise unmoving. Watching him makes you long for a chalk on blackboard concert to grab your attention. Even when the pool used some kind of "burn-your-skin-right-off" chlorine regimen, he never takes a shower either before or after swimming. I think he used to leave "Will you burn in hell?" pamplets in the locker room. I used to think he would disappear after a semester or two. Oddly enough, his persistence has to keep him in pretty good physical condition for a guy his age. At this point I have some grudging admiration for him. Maybe someday I'll suggest he get one of the lifeguards to give him a couple of lessons. My techique is also such that I could use some pointers.

The Juggernaut Typically a 60+ male. I don't know how to describe them other than their demeanor is similar to Frankenstein's monster. They have a fixed expression on their face and move up and down the pool methodically if not quickly. You get the feeling if anyone or anything gets in the way it will be bowled over and barely acknowledged if at all. Chit chat is not part of The Juggernaut's workout plan. Grunting is probably the most that can be expected in terms of communication.

That Guy Who You Want Desperately to Give a Few Pointers Too: Head waggling all over the place, hips too low and zero shoulder roll in freestyle. Looks like he's drowning while he does completely mis-timed one-kick-for-each-stroke "butterfly". Is that "breastroke"? Watching him wounds you deep inside. And yet he shows up every morning and "swims" for an hour straight so clearly he has some motivation and enjoys "swimming". You don't want to be presumptuous and give him unasked-for tips, but dammit you could help him if he did ask. This is an exact description of the infamous That Guy! :D :applaud: :bow:

This is an exact description of the infamous That Guy! :D :applaud: :bow: I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids! Wait, wrong thread

The Sea Lion: jovial, slightly pudgy 6'2" former collegiate swimmer who somehow can still hold sub one minute during 10x100 on the 1:20. Always in sales professionally. Swamps you with their wave off of walls. That Guy Who You Want Desperately to Give a Few Pointers Too: Head waggling all over the place, hips too low and zero shoulder roll in freestyle. Looks like he's drowning while he does completely mis-timed one-kick-for-each-stroke "butterfly". Is that "breastroke"? Watching him wounds you deep inside. And yet he shows up every morning and "swims" for an hour straight so clearly he has some motivation and enjoys "swimming". You don't want to be presumptuous and give him unasked-for tips, but dammit you could help him if he did ask. The Godsend: super nice, super fit, super attractive woman who you hope shows up at the 5:30 practice and chooses the lane next to you. The day is better if she's there. You then "don't mind" if you flip to her side during the workout and find yourself doing nice long pushoffs. You hope this isn't creepy. Oblivious Lurker Tom: During open lap swim, rec swimmer in board shorts who hangs around behind your lane for ten minutes while he works up the courage to ask you to join your lane (you're not going to make it easy for him by asking proactively). He's picked you despite the fact that every other lane has a rec swimmer in it and you're doing fast IM repeats. Also, always assumes that the 10 second, gasping for breath interval during the set is the best possible time to ask. Because, you know, you're "taking a break". Then proceeds to swim down the middle of the lane. The Running Friend: runs with you, discovers that you're a swimmer, seems fascinated, says they've "always wanted to get into swimming", says repeatedly that they'd "love to join you" for a workout, says they could "use some help" in getting started. And yet never, ever actually sets a date to meet you at the pool. You never bring it up, they always do. Christmas Break: college kids who show up at your pool a couple weeks before Christmas and proceeds to remind you of what an actual athelete looks like. They lap you doing a set of 200 backstrokes while you're doing free. You desperately want them to go back to school. Effing kids. Yeah, just you wait until you have a job, a mortgage and kids of your own. *shakes pathetic little fist* The Wall: always... always stands right in front of the pace clock on an otherwise empty pool deck. You can tell that they then think that you're a bit strange because you keep stopping while swimming and "staring at them" when really what you're doing is a set and trying to see the damned clock. Has no idea what a set is. Suddenly struck stone deaf when you politely but loudly ask them to move from across the pool. Then realizes what you want and jumps out of the way. Is back standing in front of the clock after the next interval.

New Year's Resolute - Every day starting on New Year's Day, he strides out of the locker room with his game face on. $#!+'s about to get real here, people. Over the course of the next 15-20 minutes, he swims a dozen or so 25's with his face out of the water. Because you can't maintain a thousand-yard stare if your face is in the water. Today is January 18th, and he has not been seen for a week.

Well - it's newbie time at the gym! New clothes & not a clue as to how to use the equipment. a new lady came in & proceeded to adjust the tv, then her music, then the spray bottle, then wipe off the bike, then finally get on for 10 min in her dress pants & ankle high leather boots & a sweater. I'm sure she will not make it to end of the month like this!