Equipment Rep
Trains with every piece of equipment available at all times.
The Luddite
Trains with nothing. Only uses a loin cloth and goggles in workout.
The Barnacle
Leaves right on your feet. Couldn't count to five or ten if his life depnded on it.
The Coach
Not an actual coach, but someone who is consumed with technique. Swimming is a precise set of moves that can be broken down, categorized, and scientifically analyzed.
The Jaded
Could care less about technique. Just wants to swim and leave the analysis to the eggheads.
The Swimaholic
Trains at least 10 swimming workouts a week. Anything less is viewed as not trying.
Fast Guy who Never Trains
Shows up once a month and breaks national records in practice.
Hardest Working Man in the Swim Business
Trains like a ferocious animal in workout, but has no speed when it comes to racing.
Lane Guy
Works out in a lane that is far too fast or slow for him.
The Crack Guy
Dude, pull your swimsuit up or get a bigger size.
The Newbie
Shows up to practice in board shorts and a scuba mask.
_________________
As for myself, I would fall into the categories of Luddite and Jaded. Also, I wrote this from a male perspective, but the women are included as well. Any other stereotypes?
Q: How can you tell the academic year has just begun?
A: The sight of freshmen "showering" in their undershorts in the gang showers.
Indeed - they lack the coin to do their laundry, so the pool's the thing!
Yikes! Here they come!
Recall,
The Nike (Goddess of Victory) – A female competitor, typically in her 40s, but sometimes slightly older or younger. She’s slender and muscular, with about 5% body fat. Cheerful and energetic, she’s typically done a half ironman the day before, and now she’s in your heat in the 200 or 1000 free. Used in a sentence, “I had a pretty good swim, but the Nike in lane 3 kicked my butt.”
The Neptune (God of Water and Sea) – The male counterpart to the Nike, a big, outrageously fast, beefy guy in his 40s. He used to swim in college, probably NCAA Division I, or even on the Olympic team of some out of the way country. Can still swim a sub-two-minute 200 in three of the four strokes. Used in a sentence, “I’m very happy about my PB, but of course I got my butt kicked by Neptune over there.”
The Thoosas and Tritons (Goddesses of Swift Currents and Fish-Tailed Sons of Poseidon) – Young competitors in their 20s or early 30s, frequently without a youth swimming background, but now transitioning into the pool. They are fit, trim, sleek, athletic, energetic, excited to be at the meet, and can drive their heart rates to numbers that are not on your speedometer. Used in a sentence, “Why was I in that heat with those children? The Thoosas and Tritons totally kicked my butt.”
The Titan (Elder Gods who Ruled the Earth Before the Olympians) – Older competitors, male or female. Often but not always former Olympians, Trials or NCAA finalists, or with some other elite background, they frequently hold one or more national or world records, and hundreds of Top Ten times. They are friendly and accessible, and eager to share their wisdom and experience, either before or after they do the inevitable. Used in a sentence, “That guy gave up 16 years to me and still kicked my butt. He’s a real Titan.”
From the psych sheets for this weekend's South Carolina SCM Championships in Columbia:
The Nike, Marianne Countryman
Event # 12 M/F 400M INDIVIDUAL MEDLEY and in several other events! :afraid:
3 Jones, Judd 54 M GKMS 5:56.36
4 Countryman, Marianne 48 F GAJA 6:05.00
The Neptune, Chris Stevenson
Event # 16 M/F 200M BACKSTROKE and in several other events! :whiteflag:
1 Stevenson, Chris 48 M VMST 2:09.40
2 Jones, Judd 54 M GKMS 2:40.47
The Thoosas and Tritons, Why am I in this heat with these children? :dunno:
Event # 8 M/F 50M BUTTERFLY
1 Viamonte, Malvin 34 M COLM 26.00
2 Dallamura, Scott 34 M NCMS 28.50
3 Renew, Guy 32 M OEVT 30.00
4 Eberheart, Andy 39 M UNAT 30.99
5 Byrne, Bethany 36 F BMST 32.00
6 Jones, Judd 54 M GKMS 32.30
And it's a good thing I didn't enter the 200 fly, else I'd be cut to ribbons by
The Titan, Robert Poiletman
Event # 4 M/F 200M BUTTERFLY
4 Poiletman, Robert 69 M COLM 2:48.00 :applaud: :bow:
What a hoot! This is going to be a fun meet! I'm looking forward to it!
Psych Sheet/Entry Time Stereotypes
What's a Meter? Enters SCM/LCM meets with yards times. More than once.
Senior Moment - Enters a 200 event with a 1:20.00, and/or a 100 event with 40.00.
An Olympian in His Own Mind - Enters with eye-popping times. Places last in the final heat in each of his events.
Sandy Baggins - After lodging a protest with the meet director over not being allowed to enter with NT's, still manages to win Heat 1 by a blowout in each of her events.
Comedy of Errors - Frets over her entry times for months, using farmer's almanac, astrological time conversion slide rule, and her high school best times from mumble years ago. And still ends up way off her entry times. 3-month post-mortem thread follows, solving nothing.
The Metronome - Enters every distance free event and hits every entry time within less than a second.
The Traffic Accident - Complete mess, combining all of the above (except the Metronome) so that spectators cannot agree as to what they are seeing. May have used a dartboard to select times and events. Or might just be trolling. :bolt:
The Metronome - Enters every distance free event and hits every entry time within less than a second.
PNA Nelson, Kirk 18:00.00 17:59.91
Yes. I guess these people exist. :banana:
PNA Nelson, Kirk 18:00.00 17:59.91
Yes. I guess these people exist. :banana:
Good thing they weren't running one of those "Guess your time" contests on that one! Usually it's done in the 50 Free, but you would've slam dunked that contest in this race.
Hand Wringers - They stand on the pool deck waiting for someone, anyone, to thrice grant them permission to enter the water. If they only obtain permission twice, there will be more hand-wringing and waiting.
Waist Of Space - Randomly hops in and out of swim lanes in between hot tub sessions. You'll be shocked to hear that an exercise regimen based upon experiencing different water temperatures is not helping his waistline. Just pretend he isn't there. He'll move before your flip turn.
No Need For These - places goggles on forehead or removes them altogether to swim backstroke. Squints at ceiling the entire time. Performs backstroke with no body roll, keeps hips well below the surface, and has a very poor flutter kick.
Maybe Try Sweatin' To The Oldies Instead - insecurities cause her to fill all silence with inane chatter. Upon finishing a swim, she begins jabbering literally the moment that her mouth emerges from the water. These are actual quotes: "Oh! So much swimming!" (No, it wasn't.) "The water is so cold!" (No, it isn't.) Swimming is a strange choice of exercise for someone like this. Submerging oneself underwater without a constant stream of verbiage for reinforcement must be absolute torture.
That Guy - if you can get him to say more than 3 words during his workout, you win a prize.
Good thing they weren't running one of those "Guess your time" contests on that one! Usually it's done in the 50 Free, but you would've slam dunked that contest in this race.
First time I raced 50FR in 25 years, head coach at my large club asked me what time I hoped to get. I said "42.9, that's my 400". My time = 42.90 (LCM)
For context, 50FR 42.94 = the US Paralympics Military Standard for S7 Women. My 80s PB, the Australian National QT, and the US Paralympics Emerging Standard are all 39.xx
Yikes! Here they come!
From the psych sheets for this weekend's South Carolina SCM Championships in Columbia:
The Nike, Marianne Countryman
Event # 12 M/F 400M INDIVIDUAL MEDLEY and in several other events! :afraid:
3 Jones, Judd 54 M GKMS 5:56.36
4 Countryman, Marianne 48 F GAJA 6:05.00
:bow: I'll agree with you here! Marianne is an amazing swimmer- and a really nice gal. :applaud:
Good luck in the meet, Swimosaur! :cheerleader:
