Swimming Stereotypes

The Sea Lion: jovial, slightly pudgy 6'2" former collegiate swimmer who somehow can still hold sub one minute during 10x100 on the 1:20. Always in sales professionally. Swamps you with their wave off of walls. That Guy Who You Want Desperately to Give a Few Pointers Too: Head waggling all over the place, hips too low and zero shoulder roll in freestyle. Looks like he's drowning while he does completely mis-timed one-kick-for-each-stroke "butterfly". Is that "breastroke"? Watching him wounds you deep inside. And yet he shows up every morning and "swims" for an hour straight so clearly he has some motivation and enjoys "swimming". You don't want to be presumptuous and give him unasked-for tips, but dammit you could help him if he did ask. The Godsend: super nice, super fit, super attractive woman who you hope shows up at the 5:30 practice and chooses the lane next to you. The day is better if she's there. You then "don't mind" if you flip to her side during the workout and find yourself doing nice long pushoffs. You hope this isn't creepy. Oblivious Lurker Tom: During open lap swim, rec swimmer in board shorts who hangs around behind your lane for ten minutes while he works up the courage to ask you to join your lane (you're not going to make it easy for him by asking proactively). He's picked you despite the fact that every other lane has a rec swimmer in it and you're doing fast IM repeats. Also, always assumes that the 10 second, gasping for breath interval during the set is the best possible time to ask. Because, you know, you're "taking a break". Then proceeds to swim down the middle of the lane. The Running Friend: runs with you, discovers that you're a swimmer, seems fascinated, says they've "always wanted to get into swimming", says repeatedly that they'd "love to join you" for a workout, says they could "use some help" in getting started. And yet never, ever actually sets a date to meet you at the pool. You never bring it up, they always do. Christmas Break: college kids who show up at your pool a couple weeks before Christmas and proceeds to remind you of what an actual athelete looks like. They lap you doing a set of 200 backstrokes while you're doing free. You desperately want them to go back to school. Effing kids. Yeah, just you wait until you have a job, a mortgage and kids of your own. *shakes pathetic little fist* The Wall: always... always stands right in front of the pace clock on an otherwise empty pool deck. You can tell that they then think that you're a bit strange because you keep stopping while swimming and "staring at them" when really what you're doing is a set and trying to see the damned clock. Has no idea what a set is. Suddenly struck stone deaf when you politely but loudly ask them to move from across the pool. Then realizes what you want and jumps out of the way. Is back standing in front of the clock after the next interval.

The Sea Lion: jovial, slightly pudgy 6'2" former collegiate swimmer who somehow can still hold sub one minute during 10x100 on the 1:20. Always in sales professionally. Swamps you with their wave off of walls. That Guy Who You Want Desperately to Give a Few Pointers Too: Head waggling all over the place, hips too low and zero shoulder roll in freestyle. Looks like he's drowning while he does completely mis-timed one-kick-for-each-stroke "butterfly". Is that "breastroke"? Watching him wounds you deep inside. And yet he shows up every morning and "swims" for an hour straight so clearly he has some motivation and enjoys "swimming". You don't want to be presumptuous and give him unasked-for tips, but dammit you could help him if he did ask. The Godsend: super nice, super fit, super attractive woman who you hope shows up at the 5:30 practice and chooses the lane next to you. The day is better if she's there. You then "don't mind" if you flip to her side during the workout and find yourself doing nice long pushoffs. You hope this isn't creepy. Oblivious Lurker Tom: During open lap swim, rec swimmer in board shorts who hangs around behind your lane for ten minutes while he works up the courage to ask you to join your lane (you're not going to make it easy for him by asking proactively). He's picked you despite the fact that every other lane has a rec swimmer in it and you're doing fast IM repeats. Also, always assumes that the 10 second, gasping for breath interval during the set is the best possible time to ask. Because, you know, you're "taking a break". Then proceeds to swim down the middle of the lane. The Running Friend: runs with you, discovers that you're a swimmer, seems fascinated, says they've "always wanted to get into swimming", says repeatedly that they'd "love to join you" for a workout, says they could "use some help" in getting started. And yet never, ever actually sets a date to meet you at the pool. You never bring it up, they always do. Christmas Break: college kids who show up at your pool a couple weeks before Christmas and proceeds to remind you of what an actual athelete looks like. They lap you doing a set of 200 backstrokes while you're doing free. You desperately want them to go back to school. Effing kids. Yeah, just you wait until you have a job, a mortgage and kids of your own. *shakes pathetic little fist* The Wall: always... always stands right in front of the pace clock on an otherwise empty pool deck. You can tell that they then think that you're a bit strange because you keep stopping while swimming and "staring at them" when really what you're doing is a set and trying to see the damned clock. Has no idea what a set is. Suddenly struck stone deaf when you politely but loudly ask them to move from across the pool. Then realizes what you want and jumps out of the way. Is back standing in front of the clock after the next interval.