Swimming Stereotypes

What a great thread... I just removed my request for other team's funny end of the year awards. Got plenty of hilarious stuff right here! Of course NONE of them fit me :) But then I'm not sure anyone really knows how they appear to the team.

The Treasure Searcher, or the Fugitive All you see is a magic snorkel moving back and forth in the medium lane. No face, ever. Underneath the snorkel is either someone looking for treasures at the bottom of the pool, or a fugitive scared to be recognized by potential detectives among swimmers or guards. (The latter is more likely!)

Ugly Dancer These women swim as if they are dancing, and they seem to believe their styles are very beautiful, with very strange uniformly soft hand and arm movements, usually their forearms, elbows and upper arms are in the same plane parallel to the water--hope you get the picture. That might be beautiful if it's part of a dance, but horribly aweful and ugly for swimming!

The Turnip A non-competing masters swimmer who resents competing swimmers, who sometimes peruses swim forums with disdain and who instead of just accepting that some folks like to race and get excited by their and their friends "race condition" times, or like to share the odd joke or two in the form of baiting, ragging, lampooning, deriding each other, assumes there is a "inner circle" and takes everyone to task for not just being a lap swimmer and for not avoiding all jocular activity or racing talk. The Turnip sems to think that things should be done in Turnip fashion and feels entitled to a sticy thread to this end. Teh Turnip is not a good representative of all USMS swimmers (though The Turnip may suspect they are) who are competing or not, and who come here for a bit of fun and/or advice, which is free to be enjoyed or ignored.

... then proceeds to put on fins and race you until one of you drop dead. Which suggests that you took the bait. ;)

I once heard this person say to her grandkids something to the effect that they could never expect to swim as fast as grandma. We need to institute this kind of innovative educational tactic in schools nationwide. Unfortunately, my wife usually winds up in the locker room at the same time as said swimmer. There is no competition in my age group because I'm so unbelievably old: This person regularly shows up to Arizona meets (quite uninvited) and never stops talking about all the records she has broken. She immediately runs over to the scoring table after a swim and states that was "just a national record and not a world record" so that fact can be announced. She will continue to talk even if you say "I am walking away now." I hope none of you run into this one as I promise you will put a bullet in your head to stop the drone. Some personality disorders are worse than others (egomania versus serial homicide). It may make you feel some what better to know that at this years LCM Nats, a single high point trophy was awarded and the awardee gleefully displayed the little plastic gold swimmer on a wood base to all within earshot.

The Turnip A non-competing masters swimmer who resents competing swimmers, who sometimes peruses swim forums with disdain and who instead of just accepting that some folks like to race and get excited by their and their friends "race condition" times, or like to share the odd joke or two in the form of baiting, ragging, lampooning, deriding each other, assumes there is a "inner circle" and takes everyone to task for not just being a lap swimmer and for not avoiding all jocular activity or racing talk. The Turnip sems to think that things should be done in Turnip fashion and feels entitled to a sticy thread to this end. Teh Turnip is not a good representative of all USMS swimmers (though The Turnip may suspect they are) who are competing or not, and who come here for a bit of fun and/or advice, which is free to be enjoyed or ignored. The Rutabaga While seemingly similar in form and function to The Turnip, Rutabaga shows up almost daily to masters 5 AM practices claiming to be a non-competitive Turnip, and then proceeds to put on fins and race you until one of you drop dead. Rutabaga concludes the practice by emphatically stating to all the coaches and swimmers that their competitive racing days are over and they are just in this for the "social" aspect. Coach then pulls you aside after practice to remind you to not be so hard on poor little Rutabaga as they are not as serious as you and Rudy is simply here for the camaraderie?!

Which suggests that you took the bait. ;) :) Which brings me to the next stereotype, The Headbanger Poor little Headbanger is overly optimistic not only about the sport of swimming and their own swimming ability but life in general. Headbanger is ALWAYS up for a race and willing to race not only all ages of humans in all types of gear and equipment (from paddles and fins to full on scuba) but also the occasional marsupial, canine, or barracuda. Regardless of what is in the lane next to headbanger, HB will always try and race it. The only occasion during which HB thinks he/ she may lose, is when said swimmer in the next lane gets out, puts on tennis shoes, and runs laps along side the pool during the set. HB is happy that this running/ swimming race has only happened twice to date. Other challenging pitfalls for HB include swimmers starting the set mid way through; swimmers getting out halfway through; drafters; and the turn around in the middle of the pool people. HB races through all the commotion. Headbanger, not unlike Bart Simpson banging his head continually against the wall, is constantly shunned by the Div I swimmers for poor technique as well as well hated by all Turnips and Rutabagas for his competitive spirit. Poor little Headbanger!

STOP FOLLOWING ME AROUND! :bolt: :) Which brings me to the next stereotype, The Headbanger Poor little Headbanger is overly optimistic not only about the sport of swimming and their own swimming ability but life in general. Headbanger is ALWAYS up for a race and willing to race not only all ages of humans in all types of gear and equipment (from paddles and fins to full on scuba) but also the occasional marsupial, canine, or barracuda. Regardless of what is in the lane next to headbanger, HB will always try and race it. The only occasion during which HB thinks he/ she may lose, is when said swimmer in the next lane gets out, puts on tennis shoes, and runs laps along side the pool during the set. HB is happy that this running/ swimming race has only happened twice to date. Other challenging pitfalls for HB include swimmers starting the set mid way through; swimmers getting out halfway through; drafters; and the turn around in the middle of the pool people. HB races through all the commotion. Headbanger, not unlike Bart Simpson banging his head continually against the wall, is constantly shunned by the Div I swimmers for poor technique as well as well hated by all Turnips and Rutabagas for his competitive spirit. Poor little Headbanger! Ha! I like this one. I think theres a little HB in all of us.

Baby Diesel - A young woman who talks incessantly and loudly about most anything her mind (usually complete nonsense) at that particular second. Is definitely in it for the social aspect, let there be no doubt. Is always asking what the set and interval is because she was too busy talking (idling?) with other Baby Diesels to hear what it was. Distractions to others, including coaches, is intended to garner additional attention, especially from men. Name is derived from her having such a big mouth, she could drive a truck with it. If you don't remember the old school Cosby Kids episodes from the 70's, you won't get this one. hey - hey - hey...