Equipment Rep
Trains with every piece of equipment available at all times.
The Luddite
Trains with nothing. Only uses a loin cloth and goggles in workout.
The Barnacle
Leaves right on your feet. Couldn't count to five or ten if his life depnded on it.
The Coach
Not an actual coach, but someone who is consumed with technique. Swimming is a precise set of moves that can be broken down, categorized, and scientifically analyzed.
The Jaded
Could care less about technique. Just wants to swim and leave the analysis to the eggheads.
The Swimaholic
Trains at least 10 swimming workouts a week. Anything less is viewed as not trying.
Fast Guy who Never Trains
Shows up once a month and breaks national records in practice.
Hardest Working Man in the Swim Business
Trains like a ferocious animal in workout, but has no speed when it comes to racing.
Lane Guy
Works out in a lane that is far too fast or slow for him.
The Crack Guy
Dude, pull your swimsuit up or get a bigger size.
The Newbie
Shows up to practice in board shorts and a scuba mask.
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As for myself, I would fall into the categories of Luddite and Jaded. Also, I wrote this from a male perspective, but the women are included as well. Any other stereotypes?
:lmao::lmao::lmao::rofl::rofl::rofl:Very Polite Floating Debris
Perhaps 70 of age, seen frequently in the slow lane, crawls with one hand in the speed of a snail, back bended over, hardly moving! At the end of the lane, very politely asks if you want to go first. You politely say, no, go ahead please! There he goes, hopelessly, and you immediately regret letting him go first.
"They keep hitting me" Big Woman
250 pound woman whose body occupies 2/3 of the lane and who can't help but swimming in the middle of the lane, but because she's slower, it's always others who "hit her". Not the one to admit own fault, she calls out to the guard: "Sir! He keeps hitting me! Tell him to move to the other lane!"
Baby Diesel - A young woman who talks incessantly and loudly about most anything her mind. Name is derived from her having such a big mouth, she could drive a truck with it.
...or you could drive a truck through it. :D
Gumby
After this swimmer has finished his workout for the day, he enjoys going down to the deep end at the end of his lane and doing all kinds of unusual exercises. This swimmer may be seen doing jumping jacks, yoga on the bottom of the pool, and strange body contortions. Has been known to cause swimmers to choke on water while they are getting timed in a 500 free because they crack up when they look over and see him doing the Macarena on the bottom of the pool as part of his usual routine.
10-Second Tom
For any swim over 150, this swimmer always loses count on any given set. Title taken from "50 First Dates"... everytime swimmer(s) loses count, I think "Hi, I'm Tom." If you have not seen movie, you will not get that.
;)
Happy Holidays!
The Man
For up to 15 action-packed minutes, this big muscular swimmer dominates the lap pool with impressive sprints. Once he gets in the water, look around and see that he's trying to impress Non-Swimmer Friend, Cute Lifeguard, and/or Sheepish Girlfriend. No one can exercise anaerobically for more than about 15 minutes without significant rest, so by that time he's in the hot tub reliving his minutes of glory.
The Race Starts When He Says It Does
In the middle of a warmdown, you are startled to discover that after 10 minutes of resting on the wall, he's racing you all out. Should you acknowledge him by accelerating to race pace, even though you don't need to? No. As his reward for the 25 Thrashstyle event that he is about to complete, you are required, immediately, to demonstrate a flip turn.
The Pottymouth
Particularly entertaining if not shocking upon first meeting, the Pottymouth strings profanities together more skillfully than a drunken sailor. Pottymouth typically ends all sentences with a few curse words; however, Pottymouth really showcases their (profane) use of the English language after the coach has given challenging a set. If you are lucky to befriend the more worldly, well traveled Pottymouth, you will have learned a small dictionary of curse words in other tongues, typically Spanish, Italian, and German by the end of the long course season.
The most fascinating yet distressing PM's of the group are typically the PMS's (Pottymouth Seniors) and PMJ's (Pottymouth Juvies.)
The Procrastinator
They spend an eternity on deck making mindless pre-dawn small talk with anyone who will listen. After they lose their audience, they begin doing all sorts of contortions and stretches. By this time the warm-up is well underway.
Another ten minutes will pass and there they are, just staring at the busy lanes... alternating their hand placements on the wall, twisting this way and that. Until finally, the coach loses their patience and says something like "get in the $#%ing pool already!"
They hop in and do 2 laps of warm up.
This thread is hilarious! I don't know about everyone else, but I see a little bit of myself in many of these stereotypes.
Stroker
This person swims stroke instead of free at every opportunity, without any need to modify sendoff times or distances. You look over to the next lane and see them calmly cruising by swimming backstroke, fly, or breaststroke while you suffer and die trying to keep up swimming free.
EAFG Outside Smoker
This person is slower than most others on the team, and dutifully swims in the slow lane, working each set and trying to get better. On those occasions when their favorite toy is allowed, they accelerate to dolphin speed and smoke unsuspecting teammates.
Dishonorable Equipment User
Insists on using their toy of choice, even when the coach specifically tells everyone not to. Cruises by you with fins on the kick sets as your quads are seizing up. Hangs on your feet with paddles and a buoy on the distance sets.
Road Hazard
Does totally random things while everyone else is swimming the set the coach wrote. Shows up late and jumps in while you're warming up. Swims some intervals with you, stops at the wall on others. Alternates between circling and splitting the lane.
The Fading Barnacle
This is a modified version of the barnacle. Since the barnacle sticks to your feet, you let them lead the lane and they set a wicked pace until 1/2 way through the workout when they completely croak.
