Equipment Rep
Trains with every piece of equipment available at all times.
The Luddite
Trains with nothing. Only uses a loin cloth and goggles in workout.
The Barnacle
Leaves right on your feet. Couldn't count to five or ten if his life depnded on it.
The Coach
Not an actual coach, but someone who is consumed with technique. Swimming is a precise set of moves that can be broken down, categorized, and scientifically analyzed.
The Jaded
Could care less about technique. Just wants to swim and leave the analysis to the eggheads.
The Swimaholic
Trains at least 10 swimming workouts a week. Anything less is viewed as not trying.
Fast Guy who Never Trains
Shows up once a month and breaks national records in practice.
Hardest Working Man in the Swim Business
Trains like a ferocious animal in workout, but has no speed when it comes to racing.
Lane Guy
Works out in a lane that is far too fast or slow for him.
The Crack Guy
Dude, pull your swimsuit up or get a bigger size.
The Newbie
Shows up to practice in board shorts and a scuba mask.
_________________
As for myself, I would fall into the categories of Luddite and Jaded. Also, I wrote this from a male perspective, but the women are included as well. Any other stereotypes?
The Cutthroat
Spends hours studying competitors' times on the Internet, has memorized their times, and purchased the latest and greatest technology to take them down.
The Meet Phobic
Loves to train hard and swim fast, but for whatever reason, cannot be talked into doing a meet.
The Independent
Shows up for masters practice and when given 10 x 100 I.M. by the coach, decides to do 5 x 200 *** in the same lane as the I.Mers.
The Yapper
Enjoys using kick sets to catch up on the latest gossip. Also, known to skip sets to talk about the latest sale at Macy's.
The Finn.
A sort of obnoxious guy with barnacle tendencies who uses the Finnish Formula to "age grade" his times and, thanks to such math, has NEVER BEEN BEATEN by anyone whose victory would cause him distress.
The Late Bloomer
A fevered and frequent competitor, TLB continually rationalizes slow performances by citing dense, impenetrable research on VO2 Max and other incomprehensible alleged measures of athletic capacity. TLB references ad nauseum the fact that TLB did not swim age group, thereby missing out on the prime VO2 Max building years. TLB will only compare TLB's performances to those of other, similarly situated TLBs (down to country of origin, educational background, current economic status, and year of immigration to this country) thereby ensuring TLB's victory in TLB's narrowly self-defined peer group. Will debate these points endlessly, vociferously, and mindlessly on various fora until forced to leave.
Note: May be somehow related to The Elevator Repairman, see above.
This is an excellent thread topic, Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. or Miss ABC.
I am thinking that if there is anyone in our ranks with cartooning talent, an illustrated volume of these swimming types might prove to be a best selling stocking stuffer type gag gift for swimmers of all ages.
I suggest the profits of such a volume be split thusly:
5 percent to Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. or Miss ABC
5 percent divided evenly to each participant who has come up with types
10 percent to the cartoonist and book publisher to be divided as they see fit
and
80 percent to yet another stereotype familiar in both swimming pools and life itself, to wit:
The Me
A self-interested individual whose personal swimming times, practices, bouts of illness, etc. are, in this person's eyes not the only things of interest in the whole wide world, but together represent 80 percent of the things of interest in the whole wide world.
The Me, for specific purposes of asset distribution of book sales based on ABC's original idea and the very funny contributions of a host of forum swimmers, is this me, i.e., Jim Thornton, though you can also make the check out to James Thornton, Mr. J. Thornton, or a host of similar variations. At my local bank, they know it is all about The Me.
The Lucky Guy - Swims on a new Masters team with a nationally known coach, there are generally twice as many ladies as guys at practice, and it's at a great pool where you almost never share a lane. Hey, that's me!
The BFFs
These are the 4 or 5 pals that insist on swimming in the same lane together every practice even when there are 4 lanes on either side of them with only 1 or 2 swimmers. BFFs are also prone to lots of practice chitter chatter.
THE EAFG (Equipment Assisted Fast Guy/Gal)
The EAFG is convinced he can hang with the big dogs in the pool. He insists on swimming with the fastest workout group, however the EAFG can only make the sets wearing the world's largest hand paddles and/or fins. The EAFG is also frequently heard offering to let the truely fast, non-equipment assisted swimmers go ahead, then assumes the role of The Barnacle.
QUOTE]
Not that we know any of these, right? ;)
The Pain the ***
Will NEVER lead the set even if they are the fastest person in the lane. They tend not to allow the requisite 5 seconds between them and the person in front of them then continue to ride that person's behind but refuse to go ahead of them.
The Creepy Old Guy
Middle aged man that always wants to share his lane with the 20 and 30 something women but will never swim with men. He finds ways to hug or touch said lanemates. Said lanemates refuse to swim in front of him during breaststroke sets. COG makes inappropriate jokes and is basically a total and utter DOM with no redeeming qualities.
The Creepy Old Guy
Middle aged man that always wants to share his lane with the 20 and 30 something women but will never swim with men. He finds ways to hug or touch said lanemates. Said lanemates refuse to swim in front of him during breaststroke sets. COG makes inappropriate jokes and is basically a total and utter DOM with no redeeming qualities.Sorry, Heather. We COGs actually hate ourselves. We're crying on the inside even if it looks like our tears are made of saliva and coming from the corners of our mouths, not eyes.
Stop us before we leer and ogle again!
What's more, 80 percent of the time, we are pure bluster. I think you young girls will find that if you actually stopped, turned, and offered to have your way with us, we'd probably be so scared we'd hightail it... straight to the nearest tyrsting spot. Within 2 years, we'd stop bothering you completely!
Is this what you mean about inappropriate jokes?
