My demented editor (I know he doesn't swim, but I can only hope he isn't a closet masters swim forum lurker) has recently proposed sending me to Afghanistan, which I can't even spell, in order to do a story not on the resurgent Taliban or even the ups and downs of the opium trade, but rather on the enduring popularity of male body building in that ruined country. Supposedly, despite all the troubles over there, muscle gyms abound in Kabul--testimony, in my editor's eyes, at least, to the ineradicability of male vanity.
Why he wants me to write about this is a more complicated story, but I replied that I thought his essential premise was flawed--that men don't body build out of vanity/desire to impress the distaff gender; they do it (in my opinion--must check with evolutionary psychologists for verification; the attached poll is a way of gauging feminine sentiment regarding hypermuscularity) to keep other guys from beating them up. The largest per capita rate of male body building in the US goes is in prisons in states where the respective state legislatures have not banned barbells (hoping to prevent super criminals from being released en masse upon the flabby public when their sentences are over.) My editor was undeterred by my theories and objections--he still wants me to go.
For a variety of reasons, including a probable State Department ban on tourism to countries we're at war with (again, more research needed), I doubt I will actually be going to Afghanistan. But in the remote case I do go, does anyone know places to swim over there?
If I am to be the first "journalist" beheaded during the Global War on Terror, not for investigating this, to be sure, but while reporting on muscle gyms, I would like to at least be able to get some final relaxing laps in before losing my head.
PS if anyone is interested in coming along as a personal masseuse on this junket, let me know your measurements for the prerequisite burka (I think Amanda Beard might model these on the Speedo web site, but I'm not sure.) I'm thinking a good neck rub might serve to relax the cervical muscles, eliminating any knots that might otherwise impede the scimitar's progress, making my moment of dispatch as speedy and pleasant as possible
In this way, I--and not my demented editor--will get the last, albeit very short-lived, laugh!
Former Member
While I might have your attention, I would like to apologize if I misinterpreted your remarks on that other scimitar-laced thread.
I have a very dry sense of humor, which can be misinterpreted easily. Sorry if you took my comments on that thread the wrong way.
Bill--
He did register. I guess I was hoping there'd be so many American parents who don't trust the current administration regarding a future draft that not registering would be the norm.
Remember its Charlie Rangle that wants the draft, but that ain't happin'. You were in more danger from the FARC than you will be in AF.
That link on the vanity of the Afghan male is right on! People are people though so you have an amazing time and Afghanistan will get there some day, but not tomorrow so don't expect any swimming and outdoor recreation.
If you want your son to serve, have a rewarding experience that will make him a better person, there are a number of Non-gov't agencies assisting there and around world. I just wish he could get college credit for it.
No, that's too boring. :snore:
I would prefer to torment the Smiths, and perhaps others, as well.
As to "b" word, "Just Say No To Butterfrog."
"Just say no to Butterfrog"!....What??....Well thats it Girly o.k.!! Leave your political slogans about that sacred stroke at the door from now on o.k. Fortissimo! LOL!!
Newmastersswimmer
p.s. Don't get mad Geek, we're just playing around in jest now o.k. Just trying to lighten it up a bit thats all.
Call me eccentric but I believe charging a bull "head on" isn't a smart move...
I'd prefer to call it ironic that you are doing the exact thing that you tell Gull and Scyfreestyler not to do. I have yet to find the whole beheading topic to be comedic.
What is comedic is that anyone would think that a story on Afghanistan's body building culture would be of interest to anyone.
I do apologize if anyone was offended.
There is just something so utterly grotesque about the "Operation: Enduring Oil Glut" that our ventriloquist dummy and his suddenly nowhere-to-be-found neo con puppet masters (the con here apparently stands for connive) got us into that inclines the likes of me towards somewhat bitter attempts at self-deprecating humor. In my defense, I weighed the odds that anyone reading this forum might have a first-degree beheaded relative and concluded these were nil.
Granted, the Rush Limbaugh ranks and other assorted patriots probably know someone who knows someone who has heard of someone who might have had a cleaning woman at some point who has a first-degree relative in Iraq or Afghanistan, and take great offense.
My sensibilities are a bit frayed.
The other day, my 18-year-old son received his second notice from the Selective Service Administration (I destoyed the first one that skittled like a bubonic rat into our mail box) telling him that he faced prison time if he didn't register for the non-draft. To me, this kind of thing is what's truly offensive.
Along these lines, if anyone is looking for a great read, check out Louis Ferdinand Celine's Journey to the End of the Night. "You can be a virgin in horror the same as sex," he writes.
Again, sorry for the scimitar crack--clearly the thoughtless words of a horror virgin. Here's hoping all of us--and our sons--can keep our horror hymens in tact for the rest of our natural lives.
Women dress for other women, undress for men. Wait, that's not the subject here. But it is in the same line of thought. The reason women dress up is to impress other women. The reason men bulk up or take steroids to bulk up and do whatever it takes to go the Arnold way is to impress other men. The reason men go to the club and do weights and so forth, when not in excess, is to look better (leaner and with muscles but not bulky) for other women. High weight, low repetion: impress other guys. Low weight, high repetition: impress girls. See a guy joining a health club, going on a diet... Cherchez la femme!
You can however have that subliminary or hidden or unsconscious desire to look better even though you are not about to find another girl, or cheat on your wife; you just want to know that you could if you would, that is, you want to know that you can go searching for company and be successful as when you were young and handsome and single. See the point? It is a psychological need, that goes back into the breeding need. It is primal, in that better and stronger and younger males call attention to the females, but they must also beat up the other males in the group so they will succeed in being the breeding male (I am talking about animals, not us, but then...). Here is something for an article or thesis: why do we feel attracted to people who participate in the same type of sports that we do? In other words, why I don't find the hot russian tennis players hot anymore, but find the hot swimmers hot nowadays. Do I want to breed with swimmers so as to make better swimmers? Interesting thoughts. billy fanstone (what's my excuse as I have been neutered?)
Report me to a moderator.
Thanks, but no thanks. I stand by my comment as well as the way I presented it.
It's stooping a little low to be insulting someone's job.
