My demented editor (I know he doesn't swim, but I can only hope he isn't a closet masters swim forum lurker) has recently proposed sending me to Afghanistan, which I can't even spell, in order to do a story not on the resurgent Taliban or even the ups and downs of the opium trade, but rather on the enduring popularity of male body building in that ruined country. Supposedly, despite all the troubles over there, muscle gyms abound in Kabul--testimony, in my editor's eyes, at least, to the ineradicability of male vanity.
Why he wants me to write about this is a more complicated story, but I replied that I thought his essential premise was flawed--that men don't body build out of vanity/desire to impress the distaff gender; they do it (in my opinion--must check with evolutionary psychologists for verification; the attached poll is a way of gauging feminine sentiment regarding hypermuscularity) to keep other guys from beating them up. The largest per capita rate of male body building in the US goes is in prisons in states where the respective state legislatures have not banned barbells (hoping to prevent super criminals from being released en masse upon the flabby public when their sentences are over.) My editor was undeterred by my theories and objections--he still wants me to go.
For a variety of reasons, including a probable State Department ban on tourism to countries we're at war with (again, more research needed), I doubt I will actually be going to Afghanistan. But in the remote case I do go, does anyone know places to swim over there?
If I am to be the first "journalist" beheaded during the Global War on Terror, not for investigating this, to be sure, but while reporting on muscle gyms, I would like to at least be able to get some final relaxing laps in before losing my head.
PS if anyone is interested in coming along as a personal masseuse on this junket, let me know your measurements for the prerequisite burka (I think Amanda Beard might model these on the Speedo web site, but I'm not sure.) I'm thinking a good neck rub might serve to relax the cervical muscles, eliminating any knots that might otherwise impede the scimitar's progress, making my moment of dispatch as speedy and pleasant as possible
In this way, I--and not my demented editor--will get the last, albeit very short-lived, laugh!
Former Member
I have edited my original comments since they may be considered too politically incorrect for some of the posters here....also we do not have the option of deleting our postings. My opinion...Lighten up folks. Even real life comedians will make jokes on National television about the war in Iraq and the war in Aphganistan ...and they say things much more touchy that what Jim has said.
Newmastersswimmer
Hey, Leslie, I thought you were in Buffalo...
How can Kabul be any worse?
Yes.
I was assigned in Kabul returned to USA April 2005 so my info is a little dated. Yes, the have muscle gyms. I was surprised with how many. They have no problem stealing copyright so expect to see a Golds Gym, et al. I wouldn't expect to see a lap pool anywhere. If you do; don't swim in it. Just bathing can be hazardous. The females were relegated to bathing with pre-moistened towellettes to prevent infections. Not a bad idea for you to keep a supply with you for when clean water is short. Drink first bathe later.
As my boss told me when I arrived, "the dust here is 50 percent fecal matter." BTW: the dust is everywhere so limit outside exercise.
TB will be your greatest threat so be careful. Lots of hand washing!
Drink only water in sealed bottles. Our water was provided by the post. Find out from the embassy where you can get clean water. The food is excellent, just make sure its cooked through. You have to try the bread (Non). Its like flat french and cooked over manure. Very tasty...really! They drink lots of Tea (Chi). Its not bad. They do have coffee shops. You may want to bring you own coffee and a portable pot. The power is most 220 so get variable power everything: computer, razor, clock, iron, etc.
Its sounds bad, but you'll get used to it quickly. The people are fabulous and very proud and generous. For a good history lesson, read "Kite Runner". I actually had a great time there. We (NATO and US Mil and Non-Mil) are doing great work that doesn't get reported so you'll surprised with how well things work; considering that after the Soviets and Taliban the country was destroyed. They had nothing: running water, electricity, telephones (which is why they all have cell phones). It was the Afghan version of our wild west.
It'll be a life altering experience that will make you rethink a lot of things.
Good luck have fun and be safe! If I can help in any other way, just ask.
Bill
Where have you been these days Caped One? LOL! I swear its been all lovey dovey around here for over a month up until this thread!....Newmastersswimmer
Like Jim T., I have been ensnared in work. It's a hazard of being a shark.
The bad "b" word is baseball.
Okay, one big happy family now, let's move on.
What, we can't joke anymore? Just a sense I get, but judging from past threads, no one likes being told to move on. I've sold out. I'm a Republican on economic issues and a Democrat on social issues. I pay way too much in taxes.
Jim: It's not good to brag about being a geek.
Rich: Good luck at your meet. Hope your back is better.
Fortress: Your job sucks. Take up journalism.
Geek: Keep zinging the SMITHS. It's way more entertaining than the other pious comments.
Gull: Glad your dry humor is back.
Islandsox: Haven't spoken for awhile, but I hope the fly training is going well.
Slowswim: I like your profile pic. Tri?
Call me uptight if you want Jim, but I don't see an ounce of humor in your comments about beheading. I hope none of Daniel Pearl's family members or friends frequent this forum.
If you go to Afghanistan, stay safe and enjoy your trip.
All I know is if you want a Tim Hortin's coffee the Canadian troops there have aTimmy's serving coffee. If you get there order a double/double and have one on me.
Well, I guess I'll have to give you a hat box then if you choose to try to swim in public in a Speedo (dress code). Or I can give you a paddle for when you get up river without one. Don't they use water for religious purposes and not swim exercise? Boy, you sure need to find this out now.
I liked the voting choices. By the way, don't go, come to Roatan instead because you won't need that hat box here.
donna
Call me uptight if you want Jim, but I don't see an ounce of humor in your comments about beheading. I hope none of Daniel Pearl's family members or friends frequent this forum.
I agree--extremely poor taste.
And Daniel Pearl really was a journalist.
*stuff*
I agree--extremely poor taste.
Perhaps you'd both like to edit out the whole subject from your posts too and PM Jim and ask him to look at it from a victim's perspective. Then the whole topic will be cleansed of that topic.
Call me eccentric but I believe charging a bull from the front isn't a smart move...
(edited to expose pious bias--hey that rhymes)
Perhaps you'd both like to edit out the whole subject from your posts too and PM Jim and ask him to look at it from a victim's perspective. Then the whole topic will be cleansed of that topic.
Call me eccentric but I believe charging a bull "head on" isn't a smart move...
Thanks, but no thanks. I stand by my comments as well as the way I presented them.
