My kid is a terrific swimmer - to a degree. He has Jr.Nat's cuts & has even placed quite high at things like JO's & Sr.Champs. However, he does best when he comes in 9th. He can swim super fast in Prelims, but if he comes into finals higher than 9th, he seldom (if ever) improves upon his morning time. If he is 9th or worse, he will always improve & so may have two best times in one day. I have to say, I think he likes being the big fish in the small pond - if he seriously outclasses everyone, he often will do a best time then, as well. I think he has a psychological block or something about performing well in finals & other high pressure situations, but I don't know how to help him get past it. Also, I don't want to screw him up by saying something stupid! He has one more big meet this year, and then he is going into semi-retirement for 2 years, so I'd love to see him perform at his best. Can anyone help me/him?
My kid is a terrific swimmer - to a degree. He has Jr.Nat's cuts & has even placed quite high at things like JO's & Sr.Champs. However, he does best when he comes in 9th. He can swim super fast in Prelims, but if he comes into finals higher than 9th, he seldom (if ever) improves upon his morning time. If he is 9th or worse, he will always improve & so may have two best times in one day. I have to say, I think he likes being the big fish in the small pond - if he seriously outclasses everyone, he often will do a best time then, as well. I think he has a psychological block or something about performing well in finals & other high pressure situations, but I don't know how to help him get past it. Also, I don't want to screw him up by saying something stupid! He has one more big meet this year, and then he is going into semi-retirement for 2 years, so I'd love to see him perform at his best. Can anyone help me/him?
don't say anything
don't get too wrapped up in his swimming
just tell him, "I love you and I'm so proud of you" "way to go"
praise his hard work and preparation to not his results
he can swim faster faster
SFF INDEX
What are his events? times? goals?
Ouch that hurts… I said that I was the split taking critiquing person, but I didn’t think I was horrid… I just thought I was an involved parent.
And now you have me questioning my cheering at meets. .
Rob! I do take splits too - but only if he asks me, or if I notice that there are so many of our team in the pool that there is a possibility that the coach won't get all the splits (happens!) - but I definitely do not try to coach. I used to cheer like a maniac when he was a 10 & U, but I noticed that the parents of older kids were more sedate. And frankly the other parents do not appreciate me screaming my head off when my kid is way ahead of theirs. They don't hear us anyway! Somehow I have shifted to someone who "watches intently" instead of a loud cheering squad. I definitely whooped it up when he got his first Jr.Nat's cut though!!
Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with cheering for your kid. I also don't think there's anything wrong with taking splits, giving your child pre-race advice or whatever the parent/child combo feels happy with. It's whatever floats your boat & helps your swimmer perform at their best. BUT, as you pointed out, some people seem to be living vicariously through their children, and even scold (read: chew out) their kids when they don't perform to the parents expectations. I don't think that's the way to go, but who am I to say? Maybe that particular kid does better when he's scolded. I personally just believe in a lot of positive reinforcement & I ask him things like "How did that feel? Are you happy with that swim? Were you as fast as you expected to be at this meet?" Or sometimes - "what happened on your 'start/turn/whatever' I noticed that. . ."
Appreciate everyone's comments, BTW. And I think he want to be the big fish in the moderately large pond, not the small pond, if you know what I mean! :)
OMG, you guys make me sound so horrid! I am NOT the split taking critique person you are making me out to be! (I hardly even cheer at the meets!)
Ouch that hurts… I said that I was the split taking critiquing person, but I didn’t think I was horrid… I just thought I was an involved parent.
And now you have me questioning my cheering at meets. When I’m not working as an official, I always am cheering for my kids. Heck, I even cheered (less vociferously) at my computer screen when I had to watch them via internet at nationals.
And he doesn't really communicate with his coach, but he does with me.
Since your son communicates with you (be thankful for that), what are his swimming goals? And is he satisfied with his swimming accomplishments? Also, you originally stated “I think he likes being the big fish in the small pond” if this is true, and he gets to be happy being a big fish in a small pond, then there is nothing to fix.
...I definitely whooped it up when he got his first Jr.Nat's cut though!!
...
Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with cheering for your kid.
If there is a problem with cheering for your kid, someone please stop the world so I can get off. For that matter, I have a video of me swimming in a race and in the background I can hear my kid cheering for me. I do not have a problem with that either.
I also don't think there's anything wrong with taking splits, giving your child pre-race advice or whatever the parent/child combo feels happy with.
I know that there is a lot of advise out there that says that the coach should do these things. I don't know what kind of perfect world other people live in but in my experience, no coach ever took my splits and talked about them with me. No coach ever took my kids splits and talked with my kid about them. We are talking about a total of 4 teams and 10 or more coaches here so this is not an isolated case. I can hear the advise already, "join a better team." Yea right. I'm sure that the vast majority of swimmers have a realistic choice of one or possibly two teams. Once you consider practice times, your kid's schedule, your schedule, price, driving distance, where your kids friends are, etc., you are very very lucky to have any choice at all. To swim better in races you have to know your splits and work to improve them. Obviously the swimmer can't take his/her own splits so if the coach isn't doing it who is gonna do it? It seems to me that a fast way to become hated by the coach is to ask the coach to take your kid's splits.
I don't believe in much pre-race advise though. My usual pre-race advise is, "Have fun!" I don't believe pre-race advise from the coach is much use either. I think that one of swimming's dirty little secrets is that the outcome of a race is largely already decided when the swimmers step up on the blocks. The time for advise is before practice, over many practices leading up to the race. Once that horn blares, there isn't much time to think, well maybe in the 1650 if your brain isn't overloaded from dealing with the pain.
BUT, as you pointed out, some people seem to be living vicariously through their children,...
Now that's another story. If you want to win swim races, you gotta do the training and racing yourself. Don't get me wrong, I love to watch my kid race, and I love to watch my kid win, but I'm not going to have my self image tied up in whether my kid wins swim races of not.
...I personally just believe in a lot of positive reinforcement & I ask him things like "How did that feel? Are you happy with that swim? Were you as fast as you expected to be at this meet?" Or sometimes - "what happened on your 'start/turn/whatever' I noticed that. . ."
How much to push, whether it is swimming, schoolwork, or whatever has to be a question every parent struggles with from the day their child is born until they (the parent) dies.
Appreciate everyone's comments, BTW. And I think he want to be the big fish in the moderately large pond, not the small pond, if you know what I mean! :)
Being among the best can be very motivating. I think this influences choice of team. Outclassing one's entire team isn't the best scenario for maximizing potential, but being outclassed by one's team isn't either. If the team is so good that the swimmer never gets to be on a relay, never has a chance to score points, never gets enough rest between intervals, etc. that's recepie for burnout.
Karl, sounds like you think a lot like I do. Sorry you've had such bad experiences with coaches. I was fortunate as a kid, and had a coach who got everyone's split & talked to us before and after every race - it was awesome, and I would wish that for everyone, but it's not to be. Our coach has some baggage of his own (don't we all) and I think he just doesn't realize how much he could positively influence the kids by acting differently. I've noticed that as his own children (who swim on our team, too) have gotten older & much faster, he seems to be learning what he can do to motivate them & is trying to apply this to the other kids as well.
We are living in a great time of automatic timing though. Splits can usually be obtained post-race by looking at the results on the wall or wherever they are posted. (Actually, as far as my own swimming is concerned, I kinda wish they didn't post those splits, because it can be rather embarassing. . . lol)
