Sports Psych question

Diane Nyad posted this USAT article on her Facebook page: www.usatriathlon.org/.../mental-fitness-pt-2-athletes-011012.aspx It categorizes athletes' motivation as "Fear of Failure" or "Desire for Success". An athlete who falls into the "Fear of Failure" category will do much better when he/she is the underdog, or when he/she is the clear favorite.

OMG, you guys make me sound so horrid! I am NOT the split taking critique person you are making me out to be! (I hardly even cheer at the meets!) BUT his coach is NOT such a great coach (don't get me started!!) he happens to be the only game in town - the next closest team is 2.5 hours away, so we have what we have. And he doesn't really communicate with his coach, but he does with me. BUT, you are right that big changes probably should not be made right before the big meet of the season. I know he is extremely motivated - I think he just has some kind of subconscious hang up, and wish I could help. Thanks for the positive suggestions that have been made.

I think the best you can give him is your encouragement! It will be interesting to see what he decides to do after his mission. Maybe he'll be anxious to return to the pool, maybe his interests will be elsewhere then. With a masters mom, though, we'll expect him to return to the pool at some point down the road! :)

I did this to myself as a kid, too. So, how did you finally figure out how to get over this problem?

Maybe he's lying to you! You should have a professional psychologist investigate this possibility. I don't think it's a question of lying to me, so much as when a young man goes off on his mission, when he returns after a 2 year hiatus, his priorities most likely will have changed; he may well be hungry to get back into the pool, but he also may be more inclined to focus on his career path & finding a soul mate. In any case it's his choice & I'm with him 100% whatever he decides to do. Like most of us, he has a wonderful base in a great sport, that he can return to at any point in his adult life & most likely will at some point. There is more to life than swimming, and there is a time for everything, you know.

I didn't - that's why I'm asking!!

This is a really complicated question.It is hard to go faster in finals than prelims.Everybody wants too,but many don't.Is he "Psyched Out" swimming in the top eight,was he mad that he didn't make the top 8 and he swims faster mad,was he so psyched up to make the top 8 that when he did he relaxed a little too much,is it your idea of a big fish in a small pond,or is is something or things else? Knowing the causes makes it easier to correct. There is no one size fits all solution,but visualization and positive imagery rarely hurt and usually help. Is he aware of this tendency and what does he say? Allan, I was hoping you'd drop in on this thread!! I know he is aware of the issue, but I try very hard not to interfere with his swimming. When he was younger I gave more input, but now at his age, he really wouldn't appreciate it. So I cannot really effectively answer your questions, but I do believe it is a little bit of getting psyched out. One year, when he was seeded first at Sr. Champs, he swam so poorly he barely made it to consols that night - and then came back that night, (yet, once again) to blow everyone out of the water. (He did WIN JO's one year, however.) So, in some ways, I believe he has a fear of success, although it is definitely subconscious. When he is up against the big guns, he freaks out - unless this is a kid he trains with, and then he does well. My question is how to talk to him, sort of serreptitiously, to help him overcome his unconscious self sabotage. I feel so bad for him because this is history repeating itself. I did this to myself as a kid, too.

Can anyone help me/him?Just a couple of observations for you. First, I assume as a terrific swimmer your son has good coaches for some time now. I also assume you are paying these coaches. So be very careful in taking advice from a bunch of Masters Swimmers who don’t know the capabilities, talents and abilities of your son. Let your professional coach coach, it appears he is somewhat successful with your son. Second, are you personally more proud of your son’s accomplishments or more disappointed that he’s not coming in first? If you are proud of his accomplishments and the person he is becoming, then let him know and leave it at that. If your disappointment outweighs your pride, then I suggest you look at what motivates you. When my son was an age group swimmer, the head coach gave me some great advice. I was one of those parents who sat in the stands with a stop watch taking splits and then sitting down with Noah to critique each race. After one such session the coach took me aside and suggested that I let him do the coaching that I was paying him to do, to sit back and just enjoy watching my son improve and celebrate his success. Also to remember this is Noah’s swimming not Rob’s; my job is to chauffer, pay the bills and enjoy the show. So for what it’s worth, if you are proud of your son, let him know; pay the bills, drive the car and enjoy the show. For me it was a great show… I hope yours is too.

When my son was an age group swimmer, the head coach gave me some great advice. I was one of those parents who sat in the stands with a stop watch taking splits and then sitting down with Noah to critique each race. After one such session the coach took me aside and suggested that I let him do the coaching that I was paying him to do, to sit back and just enjoy watching my son improve and celebrate his success. Also to remember this is Noah’s swimming not Rob’s; my job is to chauffer, pay the bills and enjoy the show. I don't know if I would have loved swimming like I do if my parents had been the split-taking, critiquing kind. One of the things that made swimming so great was that it was "mine." My parents were 100% supportive but never let my swimming become a source of their own satisfaction/happiness. They were my biggest fans. Not only did they "enjoy the show" but they allowed me to really enjoy performing in my own right.

As a parent of a young adult or near adult what you can (or should) do is limited.Mainly just be proud and cheer.He has one more big meet and he will do what he does and you can be proud of him.When he completes his mission he is going to come back more mature.If he swims then it will be for different reasons than he swims now and his reactions to competition will be very different. Just as you would not want to make any big stroke changes before a big meet,it probably isn't good for you to make any meet preparation suggestions at this point.As people have been saying "enjoy the show." He sounds like a really good kid and I am sure you are proud of him.