I would like to tender a semi-official announcement of the semi-unofficial open water swimming coincidental event of the year, best known by its abbreviation JTBA(ntbcwsaaiad)PBORWSaSB5KS, though veterans of the 2008 inaugural event sometimes affectionately refer to it simply as Little Shoulders.
You can find out all you need to know at Little Shoulder's founder's blog and the comment section accompanying this entry: forums.usms.org/blog.php
Will I be provided with a kayaker and escort boat?
A star turn! Anything! Fresh bottled water provided! Throngs of admirers! Several first-place finishing items!
:)
Will I be provided with a kayaker and escort boat?
A star turn! Anything! Fresh bottled water provided! Throngs of admirers! Several first-place finishing items!
:)
Anyone who coincidentally participates will possibly, by random chance, find a goodie bag with his or her name on it. Inside this goodie bag will be a number of items, including, possibly, but not limited to, stuff that my brother John wants to get rid of in his house; sea shells I found on the beach, or fragments thereof; bits of sand; a discount offer to join JMSA for $39.99; and for the first person of each gender/age group to join JMSA, a guaranteed JMSA-sanctioned World Record with purchase of Record Belt (a $6,999.99 value offered for first time JMSA joiners at a premium price of $6998.99.)
And I will let you get a look at my sac.
Is it possible for irony to bend around the time space continuum in such a way as to be mistaken for earnestness?
Would a portrait of me by Norman Rockwell still look anything but seedy?
Exists a single soul in Christendom who would not immediately jump to a single image upon reading the phrase "a sac containing my family jewels"?
Yes, yes, and yes!
Tis a wonderful world, after all, when even the wicked get the benefit of the duplicitously engineered doubt!
Thanks, Michael, for explaining!
In hindsight, I can now see how my declaration, "I will let you look at my sac," might have been misinterpreted.
It continually amazes me at how much time swimmers appear to spend with their minds in a pool gutter!
I was, of course, referring to the tote bag that our dear Aussie National Treasure Amanda mailed me during her recent trip back to the land where the strong are raised by dingos and the weak are eaten by them.
Amanda was able to mail me the No. 1 export from Australia, and chief reason for the United States insurmountable trade deficit, this being, of course, a soft leather kangaroo *** suitable for keeping whatever you value most, including, but not limited to, diamonds, rubies, emeralds, cubic zirconium, and your sundry other family jewels.
I suppose you can call me a prude, or naive, or unbelievably sheltered.
But never in a million years would I have imagined someone might have misinterpreted my invitation to look at my sac containing my family jewels as something other than the obvious: a kangeroo *** containing little semi-precious stones.
Sorry for the unintentional double entendre!
Unfortunately Jim - you have yet to compensate for the use of the word "balls" as shown here:
And this is a bad thing why?
My philosophy: The tinier the sac, the bigger (appearing) the balls.
I was, of course, referring to the two Titleist golf balls I carry around with me at all times in the event I happen to happen upon a public putting green.
In the past, I have carried by twin Titleists in an unmated tube sock fetched from the clothes drier.
Now, I find Amanda's Kangaroo *** the perfect tote for my balls. Compared to the tube sock, the roo sac does, indeed, make the balls look bigger.
Nothing I like more that to whip out my ***, remove my balls, and whack them through a nicely trimmed patch of thatch!
Frankly, Michael, I am surprised you didn't immediately know this all I meant.
God, I hope I am not once again misunderstood!
That's really too good to be true!
Oh you should believe it!
CotS had fantastic advice for Jim:
whatever you do, DON"T wear your kangaroo ***. It will shrink.
However Jim in his infinite wisdom (a sure sign that he has had a great deal of fantastic experiences in his life) replied with:
And this is a bad thing why?
My philosophy: The tinier the sac, the bigger (appearing) the balls.
(Note: These are blog comments so they don't translate perfectly in the forum world)
Such as this?
forums.usms.org/picture.php
Very similar, but without the superstitious iconography. Oh, and a lot tinier.
Those are some seriously precious family jewels!
Indeed they are!
