I'm wondering if I can get some advice from some of you familiar with youth swim teams and how they deal with disciplinary issues. As a backdrop, some of you may remember my previous description of my son as having Asperger's syndrome. He is 11 years old and, as you might imagine, a target of bullying and harassment in school. One of the offenders is a boy on his swim team who is 12 and much more physically mature. In school he has been cursing at my son, falsely telling one of the teachers that my son is "talking" and getting him in trouble (occurring on almost a daily basis, I have filed a complaint against the teacher), degrading him, etc. Most of this is primarily a school issue, but there was one event that I think relates to swimming and the team coaches should know about. One day, one of the trio of bullies went up to my son and asked him if he was any good. My son answered "yes" ( in reality he is OK, 35 sec 50 yard free). The kid called out to the swimmer I mentioned and said "hey, ....says he is good.". The swimmer responded "well, I got a 26 f...r, top that. You suck.". They essentially lured him into a trap, and he is innocent/socially awkward enough to fall into it.
My opinion of young swimmers in general has been very favorable. Most of them are extremely sweet and good kids, so I was very surprised to hear about this one. I am wondering if this type of behavior, particularly degrading fellow swimmers, is one that I should bring up to the head coach. While it did not occur during practice or a meet, I do believe it is relevant to the type of swimmer and person they expect on the team. I do not think any action would be taken at this point, but at the very least the coach could talk to him or even keep a mental record should it continue.
Any thoughts? I really feel that it might have more of an impact than anything the school could say or do.
Icidentally, this swimmer's best time ws 28.5, 55th out of 63 for the 11-12 year-olds at JO. I looked it up:)
Parents
Former Member
I've been on the wrong side of bullying for 40 years - first myself, then my kids. Tips:
I don't mean to demean anyone who has decried bullying in this thread but: This country luvs us its bullies. As evidence, I point to the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series of books and movies, all of which while treating bullying in an unflattering light, are comedies. (I could add more movie/TV/books, but do I really need to?)
We don't condemn the problem. We laugh at it, because we really don't want to solve it or maybe think it intractable.
Disagree? Ask yourself whether drunk driving or pederasty would be comedic subjects in books or films today. Thirty years ago, both were. (Johnny Carson made child-sex jokes. Foster Brooks' schtick was as a falling-down drunk.) We don't joke about unacceptable behavior.
Since we as a country are comfortable joking about bullying, we implicitly accept it as inevitable. That means we tolerate it. It won't be going away soon.
Maybe bullying will slowly fade in light of the recent pressure on it. Even so, it's not going to happen fast enough to help your kid.
Bullies cower before force. Encourage your child to punch the next bullying attacker, or perhaps kick him in the ba!!s. Your child might get beat up and might get suspended from school for a couple of days, but the bullies will forthwith leave him or her alone. Bullies will attack at the point of least resistance. If they think your child might fight back - however meekly - they will leave him or her alone and seek someone who won't fight. This doesn't solve the societal problem, but it does address your child's.
I wish I had followed point No. 3 above, and I wish I wish I wish I had encouraged my kids to follow it. Learn from my experience.
No parent or teacher will sanction the advice I am giving. Ignore them. Kick the s.o.b. in the ba11s.
If you ignore my advice, you will remember it and regret it for the rest of your life.
I've been on the wrong side of bullying for 40 years - first myself, then my kids. Tips:
I don't mean to demean anyone who has decried bullying in this thread but: This country luvs us its bullies. As evidence, I point to the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series of books and movies, all of which while treating bullying in an unflattering light, are comedies. (I could add more movie/TV/books, but do I really need to?)
We don't condemn the problem. We laugh at it, because we really don't want to solve it or maybe think it intractable.
Disagree? Ask yourself whether drunk driving or pederasty would be comedic subjects in books or films today. Thirty years ago, both were. (Johnny Carson made child-sex jokes. Foster Brooks' schtick was as a falling-down drunk.) We don't joke about unacceptable behavior.
Since we as a country are comfortable joking about bullying, we implicitly accept it as inevitable. That means we tolerate it. It won't be going away soon.
Maybe bullying will slowly fade in light of the recent pressure on it. Even so, it's not going to happen fast enough to help your kid.
Bullies cower before force. Encourage your child to punch the next bullying attacker, or perhaps kick him in the ba!!s. Your child might get beat up and might get suspended from school for a couple of days, but the bullies will forthwith leave him or her alone. Bullies will attack at the point of least resistance. If they think your child might fight back - however meekly - they will leave him or her alone and seek someone who won't fight. This doesn't solve the societal problem, but it does address your child's.
I wish I had followed point No. 3 above, and I wish I wish I wish I had encouraged my kids to follow it. Learn from my experience.
No parent or teacher will sanction the advice I am giving. Ignore them. Kick the s.o.b. in the ba11s.
If you ignore my advice, you will remember it and regret it for the rest of your life.
