I'm wondering if I can get some advice from some of you familiar with youth swim teams and how they deal with disciplinary issues. As a backdrop, some of you may remember my previous description of my son as having Asperger's syndrome. He is 11 years old and, as you might imagine, a target of bullying and harassment in school. One of the offenders is a boy on his swim team who is 12 and much more physically mature. In school he has been cursing at my son, falsely telling one of the teachers that my son is "talking" and getting him in trouble (occurring on almost a daily basis, I have filed a complaint against the teacher), degrading him, etc. Most of this is primarily a school issue, but there was one event that I think relates to swimming and the team coaches should know about. One day, one of the trio of bullies went up to my son and asked him if he was any good. My son answered "yes" ( in reality he is OK, 35 sec 50 yard free). The kid called out to the swimmer I mentioned and said "hey, ....says he is good.". The swimmer responded "well, I got a 26 f...r, top that. You suck.". They essentially lured him into a trap, and he is innocent/socially awkward enough to fall into it.
My opinion of young swimmers in general has been very favorable. Most of them are extremely sweet and good kids, so I was very surprised to hear about this one. I am wondering if this type of behavior, particularly degrading fellow swimmers, is one that I should bring up to the head coach. While it did not occur during practice or a meet, I do believe it is relevant to the type of swimmer and person they expect on the team. I do not think any action would be taken at this point, but at the very least the coach could talk to him or even keep a mental record should it continue.
Any thoughts? I really feel that it might have more of an impact than anything the school could say or do.
Icidentally, this swimmer's best time ws 28.5, 55th out of 63 for the 11-12 year-olds at JO. I looked it up:)
I am addressing this to Stillwater and Karuky. Karuky, I also was worried my son would do something to himself. I think it is what people perceive as "weaknesses" that gets people picking on them. Teaching him to deflect that attention is what's worked best for us. Try to make it a game for your son to hide certain weaknesses from people outside the family and to talk with you when he is upset. (I actually talked to my son about talking to himself and explained that to most people this is odd and that he should only do it at home). That is what really helped my son. It didn't hurt that whenever someone said something derogatory about him to his sister (who is super outgoing and popular at school, but pretty tough, too), she would tell them if they ever said another bad word about him she would pound them to a pulp!
Stillwater, I think karate is great. My son has been practicing for several years and it really has boosted his confidence, coordination and self-reliance. He isn't afraid of anyone anymore and doesn't hesitate to tell them to back off. Karate is a productive way to learn skills to protect yourself in case you need to stand up and defend yourself from someone who just doesn't get the message.
I am addressing this to Stillwater and Karuky. Karuky, I also was worried my son would do something to himself. I think it is what people perceive as "weaknesses" that gets people picking on them. Teaching him to deflect that attention is what's worked best for us. Try to make it a game for your son to hide certain weaknesses from people outside the family and to talk with you when he is upset. (I actually talked to my son about talking to himself and explained that to most people this is odd and that he should only do it at home). That is what really helped my son. It didn't hurt that whenever someone said something derogatory about him to his sister (who is super outgoing and popular at school, but pretty tough, too), she would tell them if they ever said another bad word about him she would pound them to a pulp!
Stillwater, I think karate is great. My son has been practicing for several years and it really has boosted his confidence, coordination and self-reliance. He isn't afraid of anyone anymore and doesn't hesitate to tell them to back off. Karate is a productive way to learn skills to protect yourself in case you need to stand up and defend yourself from someone who just doesn't get the message.
