I'm wondering if I can get some advice from some of you familiar with youth swim teams and how they deal with disciplinary issues. As a backdrop, some of you may remember my previous description of my son as having Asperger's syndrome. He is 11 years old and, as you might imagine, a target of bullying and harassment in school. One of the offenders is a boy on his swim team who is 12 and much more physically mature. In school he has been cursing at my son, falsely telling one of the teachers that my son is "talking" and getting him in trouble (occurring on almost a daily basis, I have filed a complaint against the teacher), degrading him, etc. Most of this is primarily a school issue, but there was one event that I think relates to swimming and the team coaches should know about. One day, one of the trio of bullies went up to my son and asked him if he was any good. My son answered "yes" ( in reality he is OK, 35 sec 50 yard free). The kid called out to the swimmer I mentioned and said "hey, ....says he is good.". The swimmer responded "well, I got a 26 f...r, top that. You suck.". They essentially lured him into a trap, and he is innocent/socially awkward enough to fall into it.
My opinion of young swimmers in general has been very favorable. Most of them are extremely sweet and good kids, so I was very surprised to hear about this one. I am wondering if this type of behavior, particularly degrading fellow swimmers, is one that I should bring up to the head coach. While it did not occur during practice or a meet, I do believe it is relevant to the type of swimmer and person they expect on the team. I do not think any action would be taken at this point, but at the very least the coach could talk to him or even keep a mental record should it continue.
Any thoughts? I really feel that it might have more of an impact than anything the school could say or do.
Icidentally, this swimmer's best time ws 28.5, 55th out of 63 for the 11-12 year-olds at JO. I looked it up:)
Parents
Former Member
It's usually a mistake to expect the parent of a bully to be responsive to the concerns of the parent of the victim. Bringing the matter to the parents' attention is something of a necessary formality, it's true, but the matter rarely ends there. After all, if this were the sort of parent who would be shocked to learn that their child was a bully, they would not have produced a bully in the first place.
In our household it was made plain that if I or my sister ever engaged in bullying, we'd be cut down in our prime and replaced with a brand-new infant who would be given our name.
It's usually a mistake to expect the parent of a bully to be responsive to the concerns of the parent of the victim. Bringing the matter to the parents' attention is something of a necessary formality, it's true, but the matter rarely ends there. After all, if this were the sort of parent who would be shocked to learn that their child was a bully, they would not have produced a bully in the first place.
In our household it was made plain that if I or my sister ever engaged in bullying, we'd be cut down in our prime and replaced with a brand-new infant who would be given our name.
