I'm wondering if I can get some advice from some of you familiar with youth swim teams and how they deal with disciplinary issues. As a backdrop, some of you may remember my previous description of my son as having Asperger's syndrome. He is 11 years old and, as you might imagine, a target of bullying and harassment in school. One of the offenders is a boy on his swim team who is 12 and much more physically mature. In school he has been cursing at my son, falsely telling one of the teachers that my son is "talking" and getting him in trouble (occurring on almost a daily basis, I have filed a complaint against the teacher), degrading him, etc. Most of this is primarily a school issue, but there was one event that I think relates to swimming and the team coaches should know about. One day, one of the trio of bullies went up to my son and asked him if he was any good. My son answered "yes" ( in reality he is OK, 35 sec 50 yard free). The kid called out to the swimmer I mentioned and said "hey, ....says he is good.". The swimmer responded "well, I got a 26 f...r, top that. You suck.". They essentially lured him into a trap, and he is innocent/socially awkward enough to fall into it.
My opinion of young swimmers in general has been very favorable. Most of them are extremely sweet and good kids, so I was very surprised to hear about this one. I am wondering if this type of behavior, particularly degrading fellow swimmers, is one that I should bring up to the head coach. While it did not occur during practice or a meet, I do believe it is relevant to the type of swimmer and person they expect on the team. I do not think any action would be taken at this point, but at the very least the coach could talk to him or even keep a mental record should it continue.
Any thoughts? I really feel that it might have more of an impact than anything the school could say or do.
Icidentally, this swimmer's best time ws 28.5, 55th out of 63 for the 11-12 year-olds at JO. I looked it up:)
I coach youth soccer which has similar problems. The key is addressing the bullying up front before the season and not after it starts. I don't tolerate it in any way and I tend to be proactive about stopping the bullying by looking for signs before it starts. If I were coaching your son, I'd like to know ahead of time. Just give him the background and let him know that there isn't a problem at practice/meets but there is at school and it could become a team problem. Kind of a "heads up" thing. It presents him with an opportunity to talk about team unity and go over types of behavior he will not tolerate. I'm willing to pull superstars out of games for behavioral issues... even if the ref doesn't see it. Hopefully your coach is also willing to go that far.
Edit: By "giving the coach background", I don't mean dumping on him your son's troubles with specific individual. Simply stating that he has Asperger's and that he has had bullying problem in school should be enough. Coaches can't see everything going on at every moment and bullies usually take advantage of that. A coach can't discipline on "he said, she said" so don't expect a lot of results just because your son says something happened.
I coach youth soccer which has similar problems. The key is addressing the bullying up front before the season and not after it starts. I don't tolerate it in any way and I tend to be proactive about stopping the bullying by looking for signs before it starts. If I were coaching your son, I'd like to know ahead of time. Just give him the background and let him know that there isn't a problem at practice/meets but there is at school and it could become a team problem. Kind of a "heads up" thing. It presents him with an opportunity to talk about team unity and go over types of behavior he will not tolerate. I'm willing to pull superstars out of games for behavioral issues... even if the ref doesn't see it. Hopefully your coach is also willing to go that far.
Edit: By "giving the coach background", I don't mean dumping on him your son's troubles with specific individual. Simply stating that he has Asperger's and that he has had bullying problem in school should be enough. Coaches can't see everything going on at every moment and bullies usually take advantage of that. A coach can't discipline on "he said, she said" so don't expect a lot of results just because your son says something happened.
