2011 WSJ Article: A Workout Ate My Marriage

I took the time to explain to my wife that that wasn't something that I wanted to do but something that I needed to do. I set a workout schedule that minimized time away from the family (mornings). When I do workout in the evenings, weekends, or attend meets family commitments come first. She has a veto on these times. She understands how important this is, though, and doesn't use it unless it's necessary. IMHO, you have to be open about why you're working out and be willing to be flexible. It's all in the give and take.

Most of my swims are early in the morning when my family is in bed. And I'm planning to do maybe 3-4 races...and my family loves to go to the open water events. I think my husband loves it. I'm stronger, happier and leaner. My son who's an age group swimmer loves that we can talk about our workouts and I'm not focused on his swimming.

I feel very fortunate to have a husband who understands, supports, and encourages my swimming! :applaud: It works out great where we live, because we both get up and go together to the amenity center, so he can "bike to nowhere and race Lance" (on a recumbent bike) while I swim. There is a window between the gym and pool, so he watches me swim while he's on the bike or lifts weights. Then, we meet up in the hallway afterward to share a water bottle full of icy chocolate soy milk and fill each other in on our workouts. Sometimes, on his rest days, he comes in and films my strokes, so I can review them. And, even though he's a non-swimmer, he has become a pretty good coach, pointing out my stroke flaws when I ask him to keep an eye on things. :D I am one luck Aqua Dog! :bliss:

2 top emotional needs for most women are affection and conversation. 2 top emotional needs for most men are Recreational Companionship and Physical Attractiveness Great, once again I'm a guy. I didn't start competing in masters swimming until I was 44. Just too busy with a job and 3 kids, though I did usually exercise either at lunch or at night after my kids went to bed (no swimming though, I am not a recreational or lap swimmer). I did occasionally resent my husband (an obsessive runner) for being gone every single morning. But this was partially my own fault for letting mommy guilt prevent me from doing my own thing more. Now, we both compete in our respective sports, which works out well, though we have to carefully plan our schedules on weekends. It also helps that he is a morning workout person and I am a night owl, so he can always have the early am slot. I've already submitted my list of meets for 2011. He signed up for a series of trail races without first consulting management and one of them conflicted with my pre-approved meet. Bad boy! Elaine -- is this the husband who won't let you get up early to avoid noodlers?

This subject always makes me smile , combine sport with marriage.:bitching: Being a marriage non believer , incapable of losing most of my freedom , incapable of imagining long term commitments (around age 22 decided would not have children) always astonished , positively, people being able to make vows. :bow:Any successful situation involving children , marriage and sport is fabulous:cheerleader: Most of the situation have seen one of the partners always give more than the other, there is some resentment:bolt: Mostly humans want the whole successful package: job, family, sport, freedom, immortality:blah:

Elaine -- is this the husband who won't let you get up early to avoid noodlers? No, you have that incorrect. He has never once in 25 years not "let" me do anything. It is, in fact, quite the opposite. He encourages me to pursue my passions in the way I see fit. And, I do the same for him. The decision to not set an alarm regularly was my choice and I made that clear in the noodling thread. Bruce used to get up for work at 4:45am every morning, for years, and grew to detest the alarm clock. When I encouraged him to take retirement at 55, together we made a pact that we would never set an alarm clock again, unless it was to catch a plane or for some other non-routine event. On his own, he has made the sacrifice to adjust to an earlier sleep schedule, so I can get a full swim in before the noodlers invade the pool. He hits the gym while I'm swimming.

I guess it all depends on how you work it out. I get up for my morning swims 15 minutes before she gets up for her day and that's only because I make the lunches for the kids. I swim 7 days a week, 1 1/2 - 2 hours per day plus wieghts 3 days a week, but we plan my workouts around family events and her workouts (hers are just to stay in shape). They come to most of my meets and we work together to pick and choose which meets I will go too. From reading the article, it looks to just be an excuse for the true problem that every relationship issue is based on, lack of communication. My wife knows that if she needs me to skip a workout all she has to do is ask.

Fort - in our house we do the same workout shuffling/negotiating as you and your husband. The great thing is that neither of us have to ask permission to get up early or use an alarm clock. Yep, same here! I've never had to ask permission to get up early or use an alarm clock. I voluntarily decided not to, giving my husband a break. But, he, on his own, decided to make adjustments, so we could go to bed earlier and wake up earlier naturally, without the alarm clock. And, he wants to go to all of my meets, alarm clock and all! :D

Fort - in our house we do the same workout shuffling/negotiating as you and your husband. The great thing is that neither of us have to ask permission to get up early or use an alarm clock. Just think, when we're retired and kick the kids out of the house, we won't have to do this anymore. Mr. Fort shows up at a meet maybe one day a year (someone's got to mind the kids). I really don't care; they're extremely dull for non-swimmers. And it gives me a nice break from the fam and a chance to see my friends. Guess I'm engaging in "love busting."

Just think, when we're retired and kick the kids out of the house, we won't have to do this anymore. For sure, I'm hoping to really rock when I get to the 60-64 age group ;)