This is a great topic of discussion for us.
When does working out and training for an event take too much time away from family?
Is it different if your spouse isn't a swimmer or athletic?
How does your spouse feel about how much you train each week?
What comprimises have you made?
2011 WSJ Article:
A Workout Ate My Marriage
Exercise Can Set Off Conflict About Family, Free Time; Errands vs. English Channel
What's funny is I trained with Jordan (featured in the article) on Thursday July 5th, 2007 at Asphalt Green in NYC, he gave me a ride back by my hotel which was pretty close to his office. Very nice guy.
What comprimises have you made?
I trained for and raced Ironmans in 2007 and 2008. I erased Kona off my bucket list, even though I never got there. This article more or less details why.
The whole family is asleep while I workout. Last year I attended one event, an open water swim, and the family came to cheer me on and shop (their priority was not necessarily in that order). I caught the bug so this is my first year training for multiple events - lake swims in Oregon, another trip to SF bay for sharkfest and a pool meet or two. We'll see how this year goes, but my first pool meet was followed by shopping again, so no complaints so far.
When does working out and training for an event take too much time away from family?
Well, I would say, "when you have three kids under 12 and a M-F day job but you eat dinner with your family only once a week and you spend 1/3 of your weekend waking hours, every weekend, with people other than your partner and kids." One could blame the career or the sports, depending on one's biases, but something does look pretty unbalanced there.
I'm with Louise on the kids being my greatest acheivment in life. That said, I try to mitigate by working out immediately following my age-group coaching twice a week, and then once on the weekend.
I wouldn't trade my relationship with my wife for anything (even swimming in the Olympiad).
I think I found a happy compromise with my girlfriend. Even though she doesn't work out, she doesn't get on me about my workout schedule during the season.( 4 days swimming, 4 days dryland a week) I back off a bit during the summer so I can spend more time w her and my son. But I can see where this can cause a problem with other couples. Ya gotta find a balance....
Well, I would say, "when you have three kids under 12 and a M - F day job but you eat dinner with your family only once a week and you spend 1/3 of your weekend waking hours, every weekend, with people other than your partner and kids." One could blame the career or the sports, depending on one's biases, but something does look pretty unbalanced there.
Spending that much time away from your spouse and kids could lead to resentment and trouble. We all need to strike a balance.
2 top emotional needs for most women are affection and conversation.
It's likely that an absent exercise obsessed spouse might not be meeting those needs as well as they could.
2 top emotional needs for most men are Recreational Companionship and Physical Attractiveness
It's not good if our spouse isn't our primary recreational companion and being around very fit healthy members of the opposite sex could cause unrealistic expectations.
One of the biggest Love Busters is Independent Behavior I'm going to train or go to competitions when I want, no matter what, end of discussion, could cause trouble.
The Policy of Joint Agreement
"Never do anything without an enthusiastic agreement
between you and your spouse" might help couples in conflict.
The spouse at home could start feeling ignored, neglected, or put upon.
I swim 2 x week when hubby is at work and the kids are in school. Also once on a weekend depending on our plans. I would love to do more, but with DH being a night owl and me needing to be back to get my oldest to school, its just not possible for me to swim the 5.15am - 6.30am sessions. When the outdoor pool 5 mins away opens over the summer I'll be there at 6am - he'll cope with the early mornings because it puts me in a better mood, keeps my weight down (a bit) and its only temporary!
A wise lady once said to me.....
"Even though I've swum some great swims and achieved some great times, my proudest achievement was giving birth to my kids"
Is it different if your spouse isn't a swimmer or athletic?
My husband is also former college athlete, so he understands how I need some balance in my life. He doesn't know much about swimming, but has enjoyed (or pretends to enjoy :)) learning about it.
How does your spouse feel about how much you train each week?
He actually complains when I train less because I am crabby when I can't work out!
I agree with Ande, it's all about finding a balance!
Is it different if your spouse isn't a swimmer or athletic?
I don't workout for "hours" and I don't know anything about spousal units, but I was dating a girl for a couple of weeks who rarely worked out when she started to rip on the fact that I wanted to go to the gym 3-4 days a week and swim 4 days a week. She kind of crossed the line when she called me her "meathead".
So I think I'm going to avoid dating non-athletes from now on.
