Equipment Rep
Trains with every piece of equipment available at all times.
The Luddite
Trains with nothing. Only uses a loin cloth and goggles in workout.
The Barnacle
Leaves right on your feet. Couldn't count to five or ten if his life depnded on it.
The Coach
Not an actual coach, but someone who is consumed with technique. Swimming is a precise set of moves that can be broken down, categorized, and scientifically analyzed.
The Jaded
Could care less about technique. Just wants to swim and leave the analysis to the eggheads.
The Swimaholic
Trains at least 10 swimming workouts a week. Anything less is viewed as not trying.
Fast Guy who Never Trains
Shows up once a month and breaks national records in practice.
Hardest Working Man in the Swim Business
Trains like a ferocious animal in workout, but has no speed when it comes to racing.
Lane Guy
Works out in a lane that is far too fast or slow for him.
The Crack Guy
Dude, pull your swimsuit up or get a bigger size.
The Newbie
Shows up to practice in board shorts and a scuba mask.
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As for myself, I would fall into the categories of Luddite and Jaded. Also, I wrote this from a male perspective, but the women are included as well. Any other stereotypes?
Monster Of The Not So Deep - Beware! For he is lurking in the therapy pool. His mini-facemask and paddles ward off all but the most fearless children and elderly. The jets are turned on, and he glides along with the current, awaiting his prey. So what are the paddles for? Finding out will be the last thing you ever do.
No Swimmer Left Behind - This subspecies of Daily Equipment Malfunction (the swimmer who needs 10 minutes to get their goggles adjusted properly every single time) does not stop while she fixes her goggles. She aqua-runs in her lane, trying not to get lapped. How she ends up with working goggles after this silliness is a mystery.
Seizure Feet - This poor swimmer has no idea how to kick propulsively, opting instead for spastic jerks of the legs and feet. Flutter kick is bad enough, but seeing whip kick performed this way is a truly sad thing to behold.
Sandbagging Is So Last Year - This swimmer is into the cool new thing which you probably haven't heard of. It's called scrambling, wherein you enter all your events with times from other events. If someone gives this swimmer crap for sandbagging, he has plausible deniability that he was just confused when he filled out the entry form.
Men 105-109 50 Meter Backstroke
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Pl Name Age Club Seed Time Final Time Points
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1 Scrambler, Johnny 28 UNAT 4:12.34 33.47 20.00
Split Stalker (me)
Studies the splits of everyone in age group to learn how competitors swim their races.
I do that for a lot of people in my area (mainly That Guy, KNelson, and a few others), regardless of age group. It's no fun to only win your age group...you have to win the whole thing!! :)
THE I WONT MOVE LANE EVER ....:duel:
ie - Lady who ignored polite request from gym lifeguard to move lane as swimclub wished to enter allocated lane to start practice
- ignored "please move to adjoining lane " and continued swimming
- ignored "I have already asked you politely" and continued swimmming
- ignored gentle tap on leg from swimmer in next lane and continued swimming
RESPONDS to three firm whacks on head with swim float :bliss:
The much ado about not very much:
Arrives with large swim bag and places it carefully on bench. Takes lots of time removing sweatsuit, revealing nifty new-looking swim suit. Spends more time organizing swim bag, folding towel, rummaging through gear, selecting lane, puting on and adjusting goggles, I don't-know-what-else-I-was-actually-swimming. Finally gets in and swims..... drumroll.... TWO LENGTHS! (Not especially slow, took about a minute I'd guess. Stroke was respectable.)
Gets out and leaves pool area. From arrival to departure of much ado about not very much I am certain I swam at least 1000 yds.
Reminds me of another type: Shows up on the deck in fashionable bikini. Circle-walking the pool deck for enough minutes, stopping once in a while, until little doubt is left that everyone inside and outside the pool has seen her. Carefully walks down the ladder, pauses on the ladder for two minutes in photographic positions. Finally enters water and begins swimming... Alas, this last presentation mode is shockingly horrific enough to watch to cancel out any possible pleasure from the previous sight.
