Learning butterfly and breastroke is really awkward for me

I will go out on a limb and say I have "mastered" back and free in a beginner-ish, efficient swimming, "looks good and feels good" kind of way. *** and fly have been a lot more challenging, although in fairness I've also spent less time on them. I can "dolphin kick" across the pool underwater without any problems. (As a strange aside, the lifeguards thing it's weird when I do this and call it "the wave" and don't associate it with butterfly at all.) I say I'm practicing dolphin kick, and they say, "well don't practice that if you want to learn butterfly", and then I say, "well what should I practice?" and they say, "butterfly kick", and then everyone just gets really confused. Anyway, I have trouble integrating the arms into the dolphin kick motion. I also have trouble getting my arms high enough above the water. I really don't understand the entire stroke and I feel like I'd never be able to learn it. Breastroke I can do, although my kick is horrible, so it's primarily my arms pulling me through the water. Many o' teachers have tried to fix my whip kick. I can do it just fine on the deck. I can do it just fine if I "watch" my feet in the water. And I can do it well underwater. But for some reason, when I integrate it full stroke, and especially near the surface of the water, I get almost no power from my kick. It's all very frustrating...