I've been reading with increasing interest the thread on overbearing swim parents. I am familiar with this situation having been a Little League umpire at one point in time ... my proudest moment was stopping the game to eject parents!!
However ... I remarried some time ago, and 9 months after our honeymoon, my lovely wife gave birth to a son. He's now 7.5 years old and almost daily makes me consider this athletic dilemma. (One of the great parts of being a 56-year old, stay-at-home Dad & small business owner is "they" get to deal with me, not a "soccer MOM"!!)
Ryan, our son, show some pretty good athletic talent. At age 4, he started Karate and went through the belts quickly. When we joined the Y so I could swim, he transitioned away from karate to judo and is also doing well at that. Last winter, we took him skiing and he took to it quickly and enthusiastically. In all of this, Mom and I do very little "pushing" ... but do give him a lot of encouragement and opportunity.
This past summer, he asked if he could learn to swim. We enrolled him as a beginner and he made good progress. Very good progress, actually, as he's pretty adept at crawl, backstroke, and he's even started playing at butterfly. He's asked if he could join the Y's swim team. Their basic criteria is to do 50 yards of crawl without stopping, and have a rudimentary knowledge of the other strokes. Over the past two weeks, he has been working himself hard and he can meet the basic criteria and is now exceeding it.
For example, today, while I was swimming in lane 2, he and his mother shared lane 1. He did 2x50 free without fins, 4x50 free with fins, a 400 backstroke with fins (could not believe it ... he just kept going, and going, and going ...!!), and several 1x25 "butterfly". He hasn't mastered breaststroke yet. But, clearly, he is ready to join the team in the near future.
Here's our main dilemma. He seems to have all of the physical attributes of a gifted young athlete. He catches on quickly and seems willing to work. We're not sure about his mental attitude, but he seems to be competitive and likes to win (if I spot him about 5 yards, he can keep up with me when he wears fins. Today we raced three times, and he beat me one out of three ... much to his joy.) By the way, he does well in school and his teacher says he's in the top 20% of his class ... so no worries there either.
I'd obviously like to have him join the swim team (I was about that age when I first joined) and he's probably ready. But, we don't want to be THOSE kind of parents ... yet we want him to succeed ... maybe even excel.
Any ideas?
Cheers!!
Ken
Former Member
My kids do not swim. I have never pushed them to try it. They have more fun splashing with dad in the pool and going down the slide with me. However,Im sure all these ideas can be applied to other sports kids do. My 8 yr son is a good athlete in baseball, basketball and football. What I do is sit away from the team parents at games and practices. I see to many parents questioning coaches doing certain things and parents yelling out at kids. So, though I may seem unsociable to them I let the coaches coach and let my kids enjoy the sports they are doing. I have never yelled out at them during a game or a practice. I just let them know I am there supporting them and give them a thumbs up in practice and in games.
After practice or games that is when I talk to my son about what they learned or how they played. I let him tell me what was good and what was bad.
My 11 year daughter is a talented ice skater, so at least there I do not have to deal with the yelling parents. I just can not stand the rumor mill or complaints some parents have. I feel if they have an issue then it should be addressed to the coach or whom ever, but do not become crazed in front of your kids who are there to have fun.
To many parents are trying to relive their athletic past thru their children. It is just a game, or just a race, and certainly not the end of the world if they loose a game or race, but unfortunately to some it is.
It's all about the child having fun and sometimes that gets lost with the parent, then the child stops or quits or grows to hate the sport.
greg
Just remember, he needs to do it for him. Always ask if he has had fun. after practice, after a meet. .
Go to the USA swimming website and click on the parents tab. Lots of good articles there.
Be careful about getting him in too many things too soon. It is exciting when your young one has apptitude for things, and I often see parents of these young ones sign their kids up for every meet, every weekend, every event. And for a while it is great fun for them, but the season is long, and the years even longer, so if you don't want him to burn out, take it slow.
Teach him to be a good team mate. Practice is not about racing and beating the other children, it is about learning and improving. The other kids are his friends. He may win, he may lose, but they are his friends regardless.
On that end, we talk a lot about racing against the clock, but that sometimes can backfire. Once he has been swimming, it is a common mistake for parents to compare an end of season time against the start of the new season. When kids are new, the times drop, but once they are more experienced, it sometimes takes time to get back to those end of season times. Instead, compare where the child was at the same time last year. That is where you see improvement. Also, besides time, praise the improvement in other areas. Such as learning flip turns, doing underwater pull out correctly, breathing correctly in freestyle.
Do ask what the coach is teaching, so you can reinforce what the coach says. Don't tell the child that the coach is teaching wrong, if you have a difference opinion on something, set up an appointment with the coach, out of hearing of the child, and discuss it. But never, never, never place your kid in the middle of such a conflict. Don't do it to your child at school, don't do it to your child in sports. Coaches often have reasons for why they are doing something, and it may involve what is best for the entire group, not just one child. Keep that in mind.
The "10 Commandments" of Swimming Parents:
1. Thou shalt not impose thy ambitions on thy child.
2. Thou shalt be supportive no matter what.
3. Thou shalt not coach thy child.
4. Thou shalt only have postive things to say at a swimming meet.
5. Thou shalt acknowledge thy child's fears. Don't yell or belittle.
6. Thou shalt not criticize the officials, who are volunteers.
7. Honor thy child's coach.
8. Thou shalt be loyal and supportive of thy team and not jump from
team to team.
9. Thy child shalt have goals besides winning.
10. Thou shalt not expect thy child to become an Olympian.
The best parents on our team do these things:
* Remember that it is the kid's sport not yours
* Get the kid to practice and to meets on time
* Volunteer where the team needs help
* Let the coach do the coaching -- period
* Follow team rules and not require special attention
* Feed the kids healthy food, make sure they get enough sleep, provide a supportive loving home
* Make money so you can afford the sport when they are very fast teenagers.
I think we have a few of these families on our team.
USA Swimming website has a Parents section with all sorts of information about the Parent-Swimmer-Coach triad.
Thank you. The information y'all have provided is very helpful. I remain concerned about our ability to walk the line between encouragement and pushing Ryan too hard. But your suggestions make things a bit easier.
So far, I think we're doing well and I hope we can continue.
I just don't want to mess it up for him.
After all, the 2016 Olympic team might need him ... ;)
(Just kidding ...)
Cheers!!
Ken
Good points made so far.
I'd add - expose them to other sports. Could be soccer, could be track, whatever. Don't forget academic or arts either. I may be a bit old fashioned about one thing - it's really good for boys to be able to catch and throw a baseball or football.
Because you are a swimmer - you know something about the sport and hopefully can evaluate a program and coaching staff. I'd suggest that often the biggest, most famous, local team is often the worst team for a young swimmer. Too much competition, too little coaching, too much training.
You can contribute to their coaching in non-intrusive ways. Shoot video - which almost no age group team does. Your child can better understand on video what their coach might be telling them.
