This was in today's "Dear Abby" column in the paper:
DEAR ABBY: I am a 55-year-old female who competes in triathlons for fun, fitness and health. I consulted my doctor because I was having foot pain. When I told him I was a runner and was preparing for a marathon race, his response was, "At your age, you could hardly call it a race."
I was shocked. I repeated the insulting comment to my husband, who has never supported me in this nor attended my races. He replied, "Well, you don't actually consider yourself an athlete, do you?"
I am so offended that I want to dismiss both my doctor and my husband. I just finished a race with 5,000 women. Every one of them was fabulous and serious, no matter how old or what they looked like. It was the spirit of the sport that mattered. At what age does one stop being an athlete? -- OLDER ATHLETE, EUGENE, ORE.
This raised some interesting questions in my mind about support, encouragement, or the lack thereof. I don't want to discuss the "athlete-yes-or-no" question. Instead, I'd like to know how people out there deal with non-supportive spouses, friends, co-workers, doctors, etc.
My own experience includes being teased by my co-workers for "getting beat by a 70-year-old woman." (This was after a big meet where they viewed my results on the Internet.) This came from men who are at least 50 pounds overweight and can barely walk from their cars to their desks.
Former Member
Originally posted by Hawaiiwoman
As a divorced masters swimmer I date occasionally. A few weeks ago I went out to dinner with a guy who commented that he wasn't sure he could handle being involved with a women who is stronger than he is! I guess the sleeveless dress was a mistake! :rolleyes:
I used to make much more of an effort to date than I do now, but... that's probably another thread. Anyway, I can remember quite a few times when I would tell a guy that I swim with a Masters team. Immediately the guy would launch into some sort of story (excuse) about why he couldn't swim, or why he wasn't a very good swimmer, or whatever.
I could never quite figure out why they were so quick to volunteer that information, unless they thought I was going to adminster some sort of pre-dating swimming test!
Oh, wait, there was one guy who was just the opposite. He told me that he swam year-round age-group until he got burned out at age 14. Then he went on to tell me that he was sure that if he had kept swimming that he would have made the Olympic Trials, because some of his former teammates did. Yeah, right.
In 1997, I had a colectomy. My surgeon was a swimmer in college and did cave diving. He was very supportive. HIs nurse showed me how to tuck my illeostomy bag into my speedos so that I wouldn't damage my stoma. It was a terrible situation. I made it through though even after having several complications.
I used to run, I can't anymore. this is one of my greatest loses. But my atshma is so much better. When I lived in DC, one of my doctors got very upset that I ran and swam. I told him that htye were the only activities inmy life that really meant anythign to me. I do truly regret that I can't run but if I weren't able to swim, I'd be insane.
Oddly, my family has never really been very involved with my activities.
Drives me crazy. Fortunately most people I know think of swimming as a sport. And anyone that thinks it isn't is usually convinced when they try to swim a few hundred yards (because usually they can't swim that much) I have 2 co-workers that were like yeah, whatever swimming, then they both tried it on their own. They asked me how many lengths I swim in a practice. I told them I wasn't going to do the math, but we swim 2-3 miles a pop. How many lenths is a mile? 66 in most pools. Oh, I swam 20 I figured it had to be at least one mile. Oh yeah, that's usually our warm-up. And we mix in fly, back, *** and do sprint work. Then usually they are impressed.
Oh the other hand another co-worker of mine told me before he knew I swam and ran that he thought swimming and distance running were the two most difficult and masochistic sports out there. (This from a former collegiate hockey player, high school foot player, and someone who has done numerous other sports)
The thing is that if cheerleading and dance compettitions were recognized by NCAA as sports, then there wouldn't be a need to cancel men's swimmign and wwrestling to meet compliance!
My wife really encourages my swimming. She recognizes that it's cathartic for me. My daughter, who is 8, tries, but sometimes it's too much for her. At a meet in April, she really wanted to go to the meet to see me swim. She and my wife arrived, and after about 5 minutes, she turned to her mother and asked plaintively, "Mommy, how much longer do we have to be supportive of daddy"?
A quick dose of candy helped, but they left soon thereafter...
I was happy to see this thread because I have a non-supportive spouse. I find it mentally exhausting to deal with the negativity surrounding my going to the pool...and once I'm there, I find it physically exhausting! But the physical aspect is good.
As a reply to the thread question "How do you deal with a non-supportive spouse/doc/friend"...I echo someone else's reply of "just keep doing what makes you feel good". I'd also think about changing doctors, or at least finding a sports minded doctor for injuries and overuse problems.
I've gone over and over why my husband does not support my swimming. I think it has to do with a number of issues - not all of which may apply to him, but they are possibilities you may consider. Knowing why there is an issue is often the first part of solving the issue! Here's my list:
1. Jealousy - you're hanging around some fit sleek speedo swathed bodies. (Despite the fact that goggle rings around the eyes, bathing caps, nose plugs and the post-workout chlorine nasal drip are not usually on the "how to be glamourous" lists.) And besides any physical attraction, there's a mental connection that training partners/lane mates make that is unique and cherished, hence jealousy can be a by-product.
2. Insecurity - you are fit or getting fit and he/she is not.
3. Resentment - you're off "having fun" and he/she is doing the dishes, putting the kids to bed, etc. And meets? They take entire weekends...
4. Financial While swimming is cheap, as far as sports go (try skiing, triathalons, mountain biking....) any hit on a family's finances is bound to create negative vibes at some time.
I do know there are no easy answers. (Or if there are, let me know!) But I plan to swim on and on and on, and urge you to do the same with your triathalons. Good luck!!
My story goes back to the early 1970s.
My parents were both competitive swimmers in the 1950s, but not serious at all. When I left HS, I was much like them, just swimming in Junior College for fun. But I got more serious when I found out how much fun it was to go really fast and win races.
They occasionally bugged me to get a job until my coach had a sit down discussion with them ( I didn' know about this until many years later). He told them to leave me alone about the job and I would pay my own way through college (with a scholarship). After the JC state championships in 1974, I was contacted by 4 different Universities with scholarship offers. Needless to say, after that my parents were (and still are, bless their hearts) big fans of my swimming career. I just wish I could get them to train with a Masters club so we could have a family relay (both of my sisters swam, too).
Just my opinion...
Whoever makes fun of swimming as not a real sport has never done it seriously. It is a waste of energy to defend the sport to those ignorant people. Maybe their comments are kind of compliments in a way...I think there's either some hidden jealously...OR they are just plain dumb. I think baseball is lot easier to get in shape for than swimming...isnt it?
As far as spouse or friends not being supportive...you should change your spouse and/or change your friends. If you are that serious that you have no or little time to meet your spouse, you obviously need a special kind of spouse --- most likely another athlete who understands and respects your dedication. Same with friends.
