I was surfing the web for my swimming class to find a couple of articles on swimming, when I came across an anecdote that was so funny I almost died laughing:
I teach group and private swim lessons at our local Y and am constantly amazed and entertained by the comments from the kids. Last year, little Ben, 5 years old, was swimming backstroke, eyes to the ceiling, goggles bigger than his head, blonde hair falling in his face. I'm watching from the side, signaling to kick and streamline. All of a sudden he yells out "Miss Barbara!""What Ben?" I reply, still making kicking motions with my arms. And loudly comes this little voice echoing throughout the pool "I want to eat you like a strawberry!". I thought the lifeguards were going to fall out of their chairs. What could I say? "Keep kicking Ben, just keep kicking!"
I didn't use this for my class (it's not copyrighted by the way, and it's not my personal story), but it made me realize that there's got to be a lot more swimming humour out there.
(Of course I could mention the time where I smashed my head twice in one lap swimming backstroke. They moved the backstroke flags!)
I'm interested to hear more...
Parents
Former Member
Before I start on my story, let me just say that I'm a 38 year old man and I am not yet in that great of shape. Also, I have to give everyone in my story credit for showing up to the pool and doing the best they can. I'm a bit neurotic, and it's best if we just leave it at that. :)
For a few months now I've been swimming and the local community pool. After 20 years of not wearing a bathing suit in public I was a little ashamed to get undressed in front of strangers. So, I dropped my towel and quickly got into my boxer bathing suit, avoiding the wet white spots on the floor. In the dressing room with me were a few men which were 20, or so, years older than me. Though I expect that they didn't try to catch a peek - I wasn't going to risk it.
A few weeks went by and I gave in and bought myself a Speedo. The changing was beginning to get more comfortable. The upgraded discomfort brought me back up to the original levels. Then, while changing I noticed the white goo on the floor. I avoid touching my new suit to the floor and changed, still quickly, but certainly avoiding eye contact with anyone.
I shower with my suit on. If someone were to ask me I'd tell them that I need to rinse the chlorine off, anyway. Why not do two things at once? But, the truth is - I really just don't want to be hanging out in a shower - naked.
A very naked elderly man stood in front of the mirror as he shaved. He begins to talk to me, "You seem to swim pretty fast". He turned from his profile, "I've been kept the same six stokes a length since collage. We should swim together sometime."
"Uh, really... Yeah, that'll be cool."
I pull my pants on as we continue to have a conversation about his college swimming days. I manage to keep a towel which hung on the rack between me and him at all times as he shaved. At the end of the conversation I politely said, "See ya' later" and headed home.
Over the next few weeks more older men talked to me while naked. I guess you get to a certain age and you just don't care anymore. Avoiding another spot of wet white goo on the floor - I get dressed as quickly as I could.
The high school swim team swims at the pool right after I get out of the water. Luckily, they're worse than me when it comes to dressing. Most of them dress with their towels around their waists. I take a little solace that I'm at least less bashful than high school kids.
Then, a few weeks ago I get out of the pool and head into the locker room into a roomful men at various stages of dressing. As I pass one of them he takes a full handful of talcum powder and slaps the entire lot onto his crotch. Well, some of it got onto his crotch. Powder flies everywhere! Me, I'm covered in his crotch dust. I look down and glop of white powder is melting into a white gooey puddle of water below him.
The next day, having my nerves rattled. I'm completely and mentally in my own space. I get changed, take a quick shower with my suit on, talk to NO naked men, and walk briskly to the pool.
Now... at this pool is a hallway that turns from the men's dressing room toward the women's dressing room, who have the same opposing hallway. This way you can see down the length of the hallway, but not actually see into the other's changing room.
I turn out of the men's dressing room, checking that my bathing suit is tied. I have this fear that I'll someday forget to put it on, or at the very least, it will fall off during a flip turn.
I round the first corner and then final corner to the pool. As I enter the pool area it hits me...
Maybe my brain couldn't handle it or it was simply too much information, or I had retreated so far into my own subconscious that I needed at least 10 seconds to prepare for it. Because, I had just seen the largest naked woman I have seen in my life.
I stopped in my tracks - this was at least 10 yards from the point that it happened. I was Wilde Coyote hanging off the edge of the cliff before he dropped.
I got in the pool and swam my workout. I don't think I'll every really be the same, and can't tell you exactly what it was that did it.
Before I start on my story, let me just say that I'm a 38 year old man and I am not yet in that great of shape. Also, I have to give everyone in my story credit for showing up to the pool and doing the best they can. I'm a bit neurotic, and it's best if we just leave it at that. :)
For a few months now I've been swimming and the local community pool. After 20 years of not wearing a bathing suit in public I was a little ashamed to get undressed in front of strangers. So, I dropped my towel and quickly got into my boxer bathing suit, avoiding the wet white spots on the floor. In the dressing room with me were a few men which were 20, or so, years older than me. Though I expect that they didn't try to catch a peek - I wasn't going to risk it.
A few weeks went by and I gave in and bought myself a Speedo. The changing was beginning to get more comfortable. The upgraded discomfort brought me back up to the original levels. Then, while changing I noticed the white goo on the floor. I avoid touching my new suit to the floor and changed, still quickly, but certainly avoiding eye contact with anyone.
I shower with my suit on. If someone were to ask me I'd tell them that I need to rinse the chlorine off, anyway. Why not do two things at once? But, the truth is - I really just don't want to be hanging out in a shower - naked.
A very naked elderly man stood in front of the mirror as he shaved. He begins to talk to me, "You seem to swim pretty fast". He turned from his profile, "I've been kept the same six stokes a length since collage. We should swim together sometime."
"Uh, really... Yeah, that'll be cool."
I pull my pants on as we continue to have a conversation about his college swimming days. I manage to keep a towel which hung on the rack between me and him at all times as he shaved. At the end of the conversation I politely said, "See ya' later" and headed home.
Over the next few weeks more older men talked to me while naked. I guess you get to a certain age and you just don't care anymore. Avoiding another spot of wet white goo on the floor - I get dressed as quickly as I could.
The high school swim team swims at the pool right after I get out of the water. Luckily, they're worse than me when it comes to dressing. Most of them dress with their towels around their waists. I take a little solace that I'm at least less bashful than high school kids.
Then, a few weeks ago I get out of the pool and head into the locker room into a roomful men at various stages of dressing. As I pass one of them he takes a full handful of talcum powder and slaps the entire lot onto his crotch. Well, some of it got onto his crotch. Powder flies everywhere! Me, I'm covered in his crotch dust. I look down and glop of white powder is melting into a white gooey puddle of water below him.
The next day, having my nerves rattled. I'm completely and mentally in my own space. I get changed, take a quick shower with my suit on, talk to NO naked men, and walk briskly to the pool.
Now... at this pool is a hallway that turns from the men's dressing room toward the women's dressing room, who have the same opposing hallway. This way you can see down the length of the hallway, but not actually see into the other's changing room.
I turn out of the men's dressing room, checking that my bathing suit is tied. I have this fear that I'll someday forget to put it on, or at the very least, it will fall off during a flip turn.
I round the first corner and then final corner to the pool. As I enter the pool area it hits me...
Maybe my brain couldn't handle it or it was simply too much information, or I had retreated so far into my own subconscious that I needed at least 10 seconds to prepare for it. Because, I had just seen the largest naked woman I have seen in my life.
I stopped in my tracks - this was at least 10 yards from the point that it happened. I was Wilde Coyote hanging off the edge of the cliff before he dropped.
I got in the pool and swam my workout. I don't think I'll every really be the same, and can't tell you exactly what it was that did it.
