I was surfing the web for my swimming class to find a couple of articles on swimming, when I came across an anecdote that was so funny I almost died laughing:
I teach group and private swim lessons at our local Y and am constantly amazed and entertained by the comments from the kids. Last year, little Ben, 5 years old, was swimming backstroke, eyes to the ceiling, goggles bigger than his head, blonde hair falling in his face. I'm watching from the side, signaling to kick and streamline. All of a sudden he yells out "Miss Barbara!""What Ben?" I reply, still making kicking motions with my arms. And loudly comes this little voice echoing throughout the pool "I want to eat you like a strawberry!". I thought the lifeguards were going to fall out of their chairs. What could I say? "Keep kicking Ben, just keep kicking!"
I didn't use this for my class (it's not copyrighted by the way, and it's not my personal story), but it made me realize that there's got to be a lot more swimming humour out there.
(Of course I could mention the time where I smashed my head twice in one lap swimming backstroke. They moved the backstroke flags!)
I'm interested to hear more...
This was posted about a year ago in the thread "Humor in swimming" by Emmett Hines. I laughed so hard I cried:
This happened back in the '80s while I was still managing athletic and recreation facilities at the University of Houston. One day one of my lifeguards called me to indicate he was having a problem with a stubborn lady smoking a cigarette in the indoor pool area - his manager wasn't around and he wanted to know what to do. I went over to the pool to investigate. 50ish, stylishly dressed and impeccably coifed, this woman was sitting on the bleachers beside the pool just fuming away. I went down there and politely informed her that smoking was prohibited anywhere within the athletic complex, pointing out the big "Swimmers at Work - Positively No Smoking" sign. I indicated that she would have to take it outside. While there were a couple divers at the far end of the natorium stretching, swim workout wasn't due for another 30 minutes and there were no swimmers actually in the pool at the time. She indicated as much, saying that I had no right to tell her when or where she could smoke - not only was she not going to take it outside, she was going to sit there and smoke it down to the filter, then light up another one while she waited for her friend to meet her. Somewhat taken aback, I indicated that if she refused to leave or put out the cigarette I would have to call Campus Police.
"Do what you have to do, young man," she said, punctuating it with another drag on on her cigarette.
I shrugged my shoulders, turned and headed across the deck toward the hotline phone.
All of a sudden, something stirred within me, presenting me with a flash of inspiration that put an impish smile on my face. I stopped mid-deck, put my hands in my pockets and slowly turned to saunter back across the deck, biding my time as my newly inspired response to her afront gathered coherence and force. I could see, through her noxious cloud, the puzzled look on her face as I approached. She looked even more surprised when I sat down right beside her and then scooted even closer.
I said "You know, you're right. I don't know what I was thinking. Feel free to stay here as long as you like."
With that, I leaned away from her, lifting one cheek in her direction and proceeded to rip off the longest, most impressive gaseous expression you could imagine - a real window rattler. With jaw dropped and eyelids peeled back she lept off the bleacher and before the reverberations ceased she was scurrying out the door, trailing wisps of smoke all the way. From the other end of the pool I heard clapping, laughing and hoots from the divers.
It just goes to show - you never know when a big evening meal of pintos, onions and cheese will come in handy. Over the years there have been numerous situations where I would have loved to again been able to conjure up such an offering for a smoker inflicting his/her habit on others in inappropriate places. But it was too perfect to ever be granted me again.
It was unprofessional, I know - adolescent even. But I never saw that lady in the facility again.
There is one thing I'd change, though, if I had it to do over again - I think I'd ask her to pull my finger.
__________________
Emmett Hines
emmett@usms.org
http://H2OustonSwims.org
This was posted about a year ago in the thread "Humor in swimming" by Emmett Hines. I laughed so hard I cried:
This happened back in the '80s while I was still managing athletic and recreation facilities at the University of Houston. One day one of my lifeguards called me to indicate he was having a problem with a stubborn lady smoking a cigarette in the indoor pool area - his manager wasn't around and he wanted to know what to do. I went over to the pool to investigate. 50ish, stylishly dressed and impeccably coifed, this woman was sitting on the bleachers beside the pool just fuming away. I went down there and politely informed her that smoking was prohibited anywhere within the athletic complex, pointing out the big "Swimmers at Work - Positively No Smoking" sign. I indicated that she would have to take it outside. While there were a couple divers at the far end of the natorium stretching, swim workout wasn't due for another 30 minutes and there were no swimmers actually in the pool at the time. She indicated as much, saying that I had no right to tell her when or where she could smoke - not only was she not going to take it outside, she was going to sit there and smoke it down to the filter, then light up another one while she waited for her friend to meet her. Somewhat taken aback, I indicated that if she refused to leave or put out the cigarette I would have to call Campus Police.
"Do what you have to do, young man," she said, punctuating it with another drag on on her cigarette.
I shrugged my shoulders, turned and headed across the deck toward the hotline phone.
All of a sudden, something stirred within me, presenting me with a flash of inspiration that put an impish smile on my face. I stopped mid-deck, put my hands in my pockets and slowly turned to saunter back across the deck, biding my time as my newly inspired response to her afront gathered coherence and force. I could see, through her noxious cloud, the puzzled look on her face as I approached. She looked even more surprised when I sat down right beside her and then scooted even closer.
I said "You know, you're right. I don't know what I was thinking. Feel free to stay here as long as you like."
With that, I leaned away from her, lifting one cheek in her direction and proceeded to rip off the longest, most impressive gaseous expression you could imagine - a real window rattler. With jaw dropped and eyelids peeled back she lept off the bleacher and before the reverberations ceased she was scurrying out the door, trailing wisps of smoke all the way. From the other end of the pool I heard clapping, laughing and hoots from the divers.
It just goes to show - you never know when a big evening meal of pintos, onions and cheese will come in handy. Over the years there have been numerous situations where I would have loved to again been able to conjure up such an offering for a smoker inflicting his/her habit on others in inappropriate places. But it was too perfect to ever be granted me again.
It was unprofessional, I know - adolescent even. But I never saw that lady in the facility again.
There is one thing I'd change, though, if I had it to do over again - I think I'd ask her to pull my finger.
__________________
Emmett Hines
emmett@usms.org
http://H2OustonSwims.org
