I need some advice on how to handle a situation with my daughter. She is 12 years-old and swims year round competitively. She's very good but not elite, at least at this point. We had a situation today at a meet where she was in tears after a race. Her coach has become sort of fixated on one swimmer in their group's success (a swimmer who happens to be my daughter's closest friend). I'm sure most of you know the deal. I totally get it. The thing that bothers me about what my daughter told me, however, is that he gives this girl advice right before races but does not do the same for others. After the race he told my daughter to go cool down and then come to him to get after-race advice, but instead he went to have a 20 minute conversation with the girl's mom.
I understand that the more talented swimmers will get more attention, but I think coaches at this age should also be cognizant of giving all their swimmers some confidence and a sense that the coach takes interest in their success too. Am I off base with this? My son is a bottom tier swimmer whose coach gives him a few words of advice before races. Nobody is asking for undeserved praise or rewards, but a simple acknowledgement that the coach cares about your performance too would be nice.
Daughters thing is very close to me as I have two of them (both competitive swimmers) and I'll try to provide you my humble opinion. There are couple of things that you must be aware of as a swim-parent (this is a job position actually, cause only you could be the best advisor and coach to your daughter/or son/kids):
1. Best coaches are very rare species (I mean those who have skills and pay equal (and sufficient) attention to all team members at the same time) - max 10% of the overall number of coaches.
2. Average coaches who pay sufficient and equal attention to all, but lack some key skills to educate young swimmers are about 40%.
3. Low level: However those who think they have skills, but lack proper communication with their team members are overwhelming 50% of the overall number.
You must try to find a coach from Cat. 1; or at least from Cat. 2, because with coaches from Cat. 2 you can still make a good work by helping each other, exchanging experience/news in swim techniques or strategies/advises etc.; how to motivate your daughter, to learn/discuss where she should put extra efforts/focus... and coaches from Cat. 2 are more open to gain skills and help you.
Cat. 3 - well, this would be waste of time and money. Cause you can't change one's opinion and ego about himself. If your coach hasn't learn how to communicate with kids by now, surely it will be impossible or it'll take him too much time to learn now. And I'm sure you don't want your kid to be the lab rat in such journey.
Most important points to your particular situation with pre-race advice:
- Advises right before the race in 99% of cases are useless. Cause no matter what you say right before the race to your daughter, she will swim what she has been swimming during her practices. Practice times are what you must focus on and care about.
- Post race discussions however would be more helpful.. Record on video if possible your daughter's race, so she could see what she did and analyze it with you. This way you and your swimmer shall know what to practice and how to.
- If you can afford you could try to hire a personal coach for stroke techniques (if necessary)
- As a swim parent you must learn, when and if possible, all relevant things that concern your daughter' swimming. You could learn a lot of things on this forum as well, cause I saw a lot of enthusiastic people with knowledge here and who are always willing to help with any matter starting from what to eat, wear, how to train etc. etc.
Hope above will be somehow helpful!
Daughters thing is very close to me as I have two of them (both competitive swimmers) and I'll try to provide you my humble opinion. There are couple of things that you must be aware of as a swim-parent (this is a job position actually, cause only you could be the best advisor and coach to your daughter/or son/kids):
1. Best coaches are very rare species (I mean those who have skills and pay equal (and sufficient) attention to all team members at the same time) - max 10% of the overall number of coaches.
2. Average coaches who pay sufficient and equal attention to all, but lack some key skills to educate young swimmers are about 40%.
3. Low level: However those who think they have skills, but lack proper communication with their team members are overwhelming 50% of the overall number.
You must try to find a coach from Cat. 1; or at least from Cat. 2, because with coaches from Cat. 2 you can still make a good work by helping each other, exchanging experience/news in swim techniques or strategies/advises etc.; how to motivate your daughter, to learn/discuss where she should put extra efforts/focus... and coaches from Cat. 2 are more open to gain skills and help you.
Cat. 3 - well, this would be waste of time and money. Cause you can't change one's opinion and ego about himself. If your coach hasn't learn how to communicate with kids by now, surely it will be impossible or it'll take him too much time to learn now. And I'm sure you don't want your kid to be the lab rat in such journey.
Most important points to your particular situation with pre-race advice:
- Advises right before the race in 99% of cases are useless. Cause no matter what you say right before the race to your daughter, she will swim what she has been swimming during her practices. Practice times are what you must focus on and care about.
- Post race discussions however would be more helpful.. Record on video if possible your daughter's race, so she could see what she did and analyze it with you. This way you and your swimmer shall know what to practice and how to.
- If you can afford you could try to hire a personal coach for stroke techniques (if necessary)
- As a swim parent you must learn, when and if possible, all relevant things that concern your daughter' swimming. You could learn a lot of things on this forum as well, cause I saw a lot of enthusiastic people with knowledge here and who are always willing to help with any matter starting from what to eat, wear, how to train etc. etc.
Hope above will be somehow helpful!
