This is a little long winded and I apologize. I am new here. Let me introduce myself first. I am a father of a 6 year old daughter who wanted to join our club's Summer swim team in May of this year. She knew how to swim and play around in the pool, but no structure or real swim stroke technique. Comparatively, she did well and I think it really excited her. After the Summer season, there was a month off before the year round team started. She wanted to join and I had no issues. I told her as long as it was fun for her she can do it as long as she wanted.
Fast forward to her first real swim meet this past weekend. It was more of an extended time trial than an actual meet in my opinion (no medals/ribbons/trophies or acknowledgement of place). This is all new to me. It was a little of a shock to realize that 10&U are all in one age group. I already had the discussion with her that her expectations need to be lower because there are more swimmers, older swimmers, swimmers with more experience, etc. She was one of only about four 6yo swimmers from multiple teams at this meet. The first thing she told me after it was over is that she came in last in everything (she was usually swimming with 8 and 9 year olds in her heat). She was a little discouraged and I explained to her that we discussed it and level set expectation. She was OK with it and continued practicing as always.
Fast forward to me, it is more upsetting to me than to her. She got over coming in near last in all 4 strokes after a lollipop. For me, I have no clue what goals to expect. I have read that the only goals should be:
1. Have fun
2. Learn better stroke technique
3. Try to improve on times over the season
4. Have fun
The competitive side of me (which she never sees) wants her swimming 38 second 50s for each stroke.
Is there any advice anyone can give a conflicted father? What should my goal expectations for her be (her goal is to get wet and swim)?
Is there any advice anyone can give a conflicted father? What should my goal expectations for her be (her goal is to get wet and swim)?
You've got the goals right here ...
...the only goals should be:
1. Have fun
2. Learn better stroke technique
3. Try to improve on times over the season
4. Have fun
... and I'd add, "Build friendships on the team." More than anything, my kids have stayed in the sport because their social network is at the pool.
I've got a little history on this subject as I have 3 competitive swimming daughters, all of whom started around 5-6 years old and the oldest of whom is now a junior in HS. My biggest piece of advice was learned the hard way -- chill out, step back, let the coaches coach and let the swimming be your kid's thing. I don't think I quite reached the upper echelons of 'obnoxious swim parent' when my older kids were younger, but I was pretty deep into their performance, their performance relative to others, etc., etc. It took me awhile to learn how to enjoy the process, be there to support them and just let their times and results be what their times and results are. While I have similarly not yet fully developed a Buddhist complete non-attachment to their results, I'm much more mellow now. Interestingly, now that I'm so relatively chilled-out about their swimming, they come to me more now with questions about the sport than they ever did when I was "into it."
So, what do you do with all of that excess swimming energy you have personally? It's a simple two point plan:
Get certified as a stroke & turn judge and officiate: the sport ALWAYS needs officials and it gets you on the deck in a way that forces you to be engaged in a positive way and to not to be the crazy parent screaming at the top of your lungs when your kid's in the water.
Pour your energies into your own sport of choice -- swimming, running, triathlons, etc. -- and set a good role model example for your child about setting goals, working towards them, achieving (or not), reacting, re-planning, and having fun & being healthy while doing it.
Is there any advice anyone can give a conflicted father? What should my goal expectations for her be (her goal is to get wet and swim)?
You've got the goals right here ...
...the only goals should be:
1. Have fun
2. Learn better stroke technique
3. Try to improve on times over the season
4. Have fun
... and I'd add, "Build friendships on the team." More than anything, my kids have stayed in the sport because their social network is at the pool.
I've got a little history on this subject as I have 3 competitive swimming daughters, all of whom started around 5-6 years old and the oldest of whom is now a junior in HS. My biggest piece of advice was learned the hard way -- chill out, step back, let the coaches coach and let the swimming be your kid's thing. I don't think I quite reached the upper echelons of 'obnoxious swim parent' when my older kids were younger, but I was pretty deep into their performance, their performance relative to others, etc., etc. It took me awhile to learn how to enjoy the process, be there to support them and just let their times and results be what their times and results are. While I have similarly not yet fully developed a Buddhist complete non-attachment to their results, I'm much more mellow now. Interestingly, now that I'm so relatively chilled-out about their swimming, they come to me more now with questions about the sport than they ever did when I was "into it."
So, what do you do with all of that excess swimming energy you have personally? It's a simple two point plan:
Get certified as a stroke & turn judge and officiate: the sport ALWAYS needs officials and it gets you on the deck in a way that forces you to be engaged in a positive way and to not to be the crazy parent screaming at the top of your lungs when your kid's in the water.
Pour your energies into your own sport of choice -- swimming, running, triathlons, etc. -- and set a good role model example for your child about setting goals, working towards them, achieving (or not), reacting, re-planning, and having fun & being healthy while doing it.
