"You can share my lane, if you promise not to splash"

Former Member
Former Member
The indoor pool at my gym is closed for two weeks because they are painting it. This leaves 4 lanes in the outdoor pool, instead of the usual 10 combined lanes. I went for a brief swim today at lunch, which is the busiest part of the day. All four lanes were full - two floaters in lane 1, a woman kicking breaststroke in lane 2, a woman swimming fly (very badly) in lane 3, and a floater in lane 4. I had originally planned on doing some sprint fly with fins, but after surveying the situation I decided I would just swim freestyle for a while first until the pool cleared out a little. So, I choose lane 2. As soon as the breaststroke kicker turns at the wall, I step into the lane and make a motion asking which side she wants to take. (My gym has a mandatory lane-sharing policy, as do most. It's not a question of "may I share your lane" but rather a courtesy notitifcation that I am about to share your lane.) She acts as if she doesn't understand, and continues to kick right down the center of the lane. So I wait until she gets back to the wall. At this point she utters the phrase: "I'll let you share my lane, but only if you promise not to splash. I can't get my ear wet." I stare at her for a couple of seconds, trying to ascertain whether this is a joke or not. She seems serious. So I say "Are you kidding me? You're in a pool. You can't expect not to get wet." "Maybe you should swim in a different lane, like that one over there." (points to lane 3). "No, she's swimming butterfly. I'll try not to splash, but I can't make any promises. Splashing sort of happens naturally when you're swimming." Then I dive forward and start to swim freestyle. I swim carefully, hugging the lane line, delicately recovering each arm and scrutinizing the droplets as they drip from my hand. All the while I'm thinking about how stupid her request is, and about how it's sort of funny that I met up with a genuine swim stereotype. After about 200 yds I notice her moving over to lane 4 by the wall. Oops. I guess I must have splashed. After 400 I pause for a rest. Since she abandoned the lane I figure I may as well do my originally planned sprint workout. I put on the fins and start swimming 50s fly on 1:30. Still hugging the lane line and leaving plenty of room in case someone wants to share. After 2 or 3 repeats, I am accosted from lane 4. I didn't hear it all, but it was something like "You're a bad man. You have bad manners." "What?" I say. I look over, and there she is, lecturing me while kicking breaststroke heads-up. "You have bad manners. Didn't your mother teach you how to treat a lady?" "Did you seriously come to a pool expecting not to get wet?" "That's bad manners. We all hear you. These ladies can hear you." (looks around at the deck loungers.) At this point my interval is approaching and I'm watching the clock. "You know what, I don't care." I say, then push off and swim. That was the end of our conversation, although she continued to glare at me for a few minutes afterward. I'm not sure what she was trying to imply about the other "ladies" hearing me. Maybe she thought I was there trying to meet women. By the way, this woman was not much older than me so it was somewhat ludicrous to hear her lecturing me like a grandma. I continued to ponder the situation as I finished my fly set and then cooled down. Today was mainly about weights, so the swim was just a little something to loosen up after lifting. I didn't have much time to spend since I was on lunch break, which I suppose is one reason I had so little patience for this woman's request. I tried to put myself in her place and sympathize, but I just couldn't do it. I came to the conclusion that she was just an idiot and her request was undeserving of respect. I felt a little sorry for her, but not enough to regret blowing her off. So what do you think, fellow swimmers. Am I a bad man with bad manners?
  • :lmao: 'Slug, that lady was a real piece of work; just like the ladies at my pool who complain because they don't want to get their hair wet. I'll never forget the b*%$ who stood up at a meeting in front of 30 people and yelled, "I stopped going to water aerobics because of HER (she was referring to me), because I don't want to get my hair wet!" Whaaaaaaaaaa!!! You have my sympathy... :bighug:
  • Former Member
    Former Member over 13 years ago
    havepoolwillswim, are you available to speak at this Wednesday's meeting? Our scheduled speaker had to cancel. Something about being arrested, I forget the details. I have 26 buckets of water to fill, but I think I can squeeze in a few minutes. See you Wednesday.
  • I was thinking of telling her about silicone ear plugs and suggesting that she try some. I figured that would probably just offend her even more. Depends on how you say it. If you do it as a command ("Get ear plugs!" :bitching: ), probably offends. You have to pretend to be completely naive and nice. ("I'm so sorry to hear you have an ear infection. A friend of mine with the same problem recommended wearing silicon ear plugs to keep your ears dry when swimming.")
  • Former Member
    Former Member over 13 years ago
    Usually means she has a crush on you. This is usually *not* how women behave when they have a crush. Stalk her. Find out where she works. Surprise her with a bucket of water to the face. HA! This *may* be how 10-year-old boys behave when they have a crush. Or else my dad was just saying that to make me feel better when I got picked on.
  • Former Member
    Former Member over 13 years ago
    HA! This *may* be how 10-year-old boys behave when they have a crush. Or else my dad was just saying that to make me feel better when I got picked on. I think that one is true. My son used to trade insults with this girl he liked at school. He called her "creature". I was the same way as a kid. Our immature minds can't handle the embarrasment of admitting that we like someone, so we cover it up by acting the opposite. I seriously doubt that's what was going on at the pool though. I don't think Dry Ear liked me. I don't even think she liked the water. Who knows why she was in there.
  • :applaud:Thank you thank you thank you everybody for these posts. I realize it can be a serious issue for the "old" ladies in question, but this still has me laughing. We have all been there with the "lane territoriality". I see it every morning I am at the pool. Thankfully it is in the open swim right after our workout ends. :bow:I loved the polite answer about being respectful and paying for the pool too, and I have added that the person lecturing me might just ask the lifeguard, "What is the pool's official policy?:angel: Surprise! Share then: Circle swimming! But no splashing! Circle swimming: Another well loved open swim pool concept. I'm still laughing, yet wishing I was in Jacksonville at convention. Brief comment on circle swimming: I had some swimmers from the UK visit our workouts a short bit ago, and they commented about the habit of clockwise and anti-clockwise alternating lanes. Love the idea, swam with it in Europe. No whacking hands. Forget and you whack heads.
  • I had some swimmers from the UK visit our workouts a short bit ago, and they commented about the habit of clockwise and anti-clockwise alternating lanes. Love the idea, swam with it in Europe. No whacking hands. Forget and you whack heads. My former masters team did that. It was nice knowing we wouldn't hit each other. And now, when my coach tells us to go in reverse direction, I know how to turn either way.
  • Former Member
    Former Member over 13 years ago
    I used to swim alternating clockwise/anticlockwise, but still can only turn clockwise!
  • You are a horrible horrible person and should treat the self righteous with the respect they feel they deserve. This is the truest statement ever made about noodlers. I occasionally swim in a 3 lane pool. One time people showed up, two of us shared, but the third refused and continued swimming breastroke in the middle (which also happened to be the larger center lane). People kept standing behind the lane, then leaving. Finally, I offered the 3rd or 4th stander to take my place and I would make her share. I started swimming on one side and after a few incidental blows (I mean barely anything), she was crying, calling me rude, and threatening to call her karate wielding boyfriend...anyway she got out and I felt bad...unfortunately I have a hundred of these stories...it must be me.:)
  • Former Member
    Former Member over 13 years ago
    As Kirk mentioned, this kind of stuff happens all the time. I like your simple repsonse, "I don't care." Really, that is about all you can say. My canned response is, "you do not have enough information to make those kind of judgements," but in a way I like "I don't care," more.