"You can share my lane, if you promise not to splash"

Former Member
Former Member
The indoor pool at my gym is closed for two weeks because they are painting it. This leaves 4 lanes in the outdoor pool, instead of the usual 10 combined lanes. I went for a brief swim today at lunch, which is the busiest part of the day. All four lanes were full - two floaters in lane 1, a woman kicking breaststroke in lane 2, a woman swimming fly (very badly) in lane 3, and a floater in lane 4. I had originally planned on doing some sprint fly with fins, but after surveying the situation I decided I would just swim freestyle for a while first until the pool cleared out a little. So, I choose lane 2. As soon as the breaststroke kicker turns at the wall, I step into the lane and make a motion asking which side she wants to take. (My gym has a mandatory lane-sharing policy, as do most. It's not a question of "may I share your lane" but rather a courtesy notitifcation that I am about to share your lane.) She acts as if she doesn't understand, and continues to kick right down the center of the lane. So I wait until she gets back to the wall. At this point she utters the phrase: "I'll let you share my lane, but only if you promise not to splash. I can't get my ear wet." I stare at her for a couple of seconds, trying to ascertain whether this is a joke or not. She seems serious. So I say "Are you kidding me? You're in a pool. You can't expect not to get wet." "Maybe you should swim in a different lane, like that one over there." (points to lane 3). "No, she's swimming butterfly. I'll try not to splash, but I can't make any promises. Splashing sort of happens naturally when you're swimming." Then I dive forward and start to swim freestyle. I swim carefully, hugging the lane line, delicately recovering each arm and scrutinizing the droplets as they drip from my hand. All the while I'm thinking about how stupid her request is, and about how it's sort of funny that I met up with a genuine swim stereotype. After about 200 yds I notice her moving over to lane 4 by the wall. Oops. I guess I must have splashed. After 400 I pause for a rest. Since she abandoned the lane I figure I may as well do my originally planned sprint workout. I put on the fins and start swimming 50s fly on 1:30. Still hugging the lane line and leaving plenty of room in case someone wants to share. After 2 or 3 repeats, I am accosted from lane 4. I didn't hear it all, but it was something like "You're a bad man. You have bad manners." "What?" I say. I look over, and there she is, lecturing me while kicking breaststroke heads-up. "You have bad manners. Didn't your mother teach you how to treat a lady?" "Did you seriously come to a pool expecting not to get wet?" "That's bad manners. We all hear you. These ladies can hear you." (looks around at the deck loungers.) At this point my interval is approaching and I'm watching the clock. "You know what, I don't care." I say, then push off and swim. That was the end of our conversation, although she continued to glare at me for a few minutes afterward. I'm not sure what she was trying to imply about the other "ladies" hearing me. Maybe she thought I was there trying to meet women. By the way, this woman was not much older than me so it was somewhat ludicrous to hear her lecturing me like a grandma. I continued to ponder the situation as I finished my fly set and then cooled down. Today was mainly about weights, so the swim was just a little something to loosen up after lifting. I didn't have much time to spend since I was on lunch break, which I suppose is one reason I had so little patience for this woman's request. I tried to put myself in her place and sympathize, but I just couldn't do it. I came to the conclusion that she was just an idiot and her request was undeserving of respect. I felt a little sorry for her, but not enough to regret blowing her off. So what do you think, fellow swimmers. Am I a bad man with bad manners?
  • "You're a bad man. You have bad manners."You're a thrashing slug, thrashing and splashing go hand in hand. It's unreasonable for her to ask you to not splash in a pool. She should share a lane with a noodler. Maybe she should wear ear plugs I would have asked her: "Why can't you get your ear wet?" "Which ear?" & "Why aren't you using some sort of ear protection?" Some people love getting offended, telling other people how rude they are, & recruiting sympathy from others.
  • By the way, this woman was not much older than me so it was somewhat ludicrous to hear her lecturing me like a grandma. Thanks for mentioning this because I assumed she was, ahem, old. Lap swimming really seems to bring out the worst in some people. They're offended if you swim too fast, they're offended if you're too slow, if you splash, if you get in their lane. The list is endless really. And somehow it's always you--not them--that's the rude one.
  • Former Member
    Former Member over 13 years ago
    "You're a bad man. You have bad manners." You are a horrible horrible person and should treat the self righteous with the respect they feel they deserve.
  • Former Member
    Former Member over 13 years ago
    You should be tarred and feathering for being so disrespectful to other lap swimmers. The next time you and her share a lane, you are only permitted to swim butterfly. If you get her hair wet, you then will need to do 12x25 sprint fly with a lot of kicking and thrashing.
  • Former Member
    Former Member over 13 years ago
    Yes, you are a bad man. A very very bad man. Bad Man Montage - Babu from Seinfeld - YouTube
  • Oh my I think that lady moved from my club pool to yours! I was once accused of being a "very bad person" with "very bad manners" by an older woman who said she couldn't get her eyes wet. I had mentioned she should wear goggles in the pool and she refused, said she hated them. Well, sorry but its a pool and there will be some splashing. When I have to swim at the club pool (funny, seems all pools close for maintenance right after Labor Day as I am at the club pool this week too) I do lower my expectations on what I can get accomplished. But no matter how accomodating I am about sharing a lane and trying to show other people how to circle swim or just "stay on that side of the black line" I seem to always be offending someone too. My standard answer is "I am sorry you feel that way." I truly am trying to be respectful and would never intentionally run into or splash a person who was that sensitive however I am also paying for the time in the pool. We do the best we can.
  • They should try, as I did today, a 1,000 person open water swim. I think I might have splashed a few swimmers around me on my way to the finish of the 2.5 K swim in:chillpill: Lake Michigan!:D
  • Former Member
    Former Member over 13 years ago
    Trying to do a serious workout in a community pool, even during lap swim hours, is gonna create issues since 9 out of 10 of the swimmers are not really athletes and can't look past things like accidental touches or misplaced splashes. If I get yelled at, I just apologize quickly and get back to swimming. (however, if the pool I had to temporarily share was one of those shallow warm pools for rehab or novice swimmers, then...yeah I would probably try to take it a bit easier.) -mark
  • Stalk her. Find out where she works. Surprise her with a bucket of water to the face. havepoolwillswim, are you available to speak at this Wednesday's meeting? Our scheduled speaker had to cancel. Something about being arrested, I forget the details.
  • Former Member
    Former Member over 13 years ago
    Stalk her. Find out where she works. Surprise her with a bucket of water to the face.