2011 WSJ Article: A Workout Ate My Marriage

Well, I'm definitely in the category of having a wife who is tolerant but feels worse about herself the more I commit to exercise. I can feel it, I can see it in her eyes. My wife has never been, nor do I think she will ever be into regular exercise. She enjoys yoga once or twice a week and might go on the treadmill once a week for 10 minutes. She is petite naturally and pretty (5'3 105) but not especially strong or toned. She tires easily with exercise, just doesn't seem to have the motivation (and she has regular checkups, no medical reasons for this). She's also a terrible sleeper. She is an educated stay at home mom. Anyone recognize this profile? I am perfectly happy with her and love her as she is, yet the more in shape I get the less secure she becomes. I am not getting in shape for other women, but I am happy seeing myself fit and I'm really aiming to swim in a master's national meet some day. I exercise maybe 1.5-2 hours a day, usually early in the morning either before or as they are waking up, then go to work (often a 12 hour shift). I purposefully avoid talking about my workouts or my goals with her because she doesn't seem interested or happy when I bring the topic up. At times she has flat out said that the topic makes her feel worse about herself. If I try to encourage her to swim or get involved in something I worry it might come across as not being happy with her as she is. I admit it would be nice if she shared this interest and we could swim together or talk about our workouts (like some of you). But you can't have everything. I recognise some similarities with my husband's situation. Pre-kids I would swim 4 times per week and would get the "swimming is taking over your life" attitude. He obviously hadn't met some of my team-mates, nor was he interested in meeting them :). However I was working full time and we ended up having our separate social lives as well as our together social lives, so it wasn't like he didn't get out. Now, I'm the educated stay at home mom that cherishes my 2 days when both kids are in school and I can get to the pool. He has a very demanding job and if he wanted to get in some regular exercise I'm not sure I'd see much of him at all. I do sometimes wonder if he feels bad about not exercising or worries about his weight. I certainly worry about his weight, but know better to tell him he's a fat lazy oaf, as really he's not (overweight yes, but lazy-not really), he's just not particularly disciplined in that area. I actually agree with him that swimming is a very boring spectator sport and I don't expect him to attend meets, but I do need him to look after the girls if I go to one, which then means that he is doing my job so I can swim. I do sometimes feel bad about that, but then again I make myself available 24/7 to look after the kids due to his long hours. I rarely if ever say if I've had a good workout, cos he really doesn't care, and I don't need his approval. It does sound like your wife needs something that is "hers" to kind of balance out your swimming time. It doesn't necessarily need to be exercise, particularly as she already has that "rockin' bod". Swimming is my escape, other people I know go to a weekly knitting circle. :blah::blah::blah::blah: Another long post which has some point to it somewhere, honestly.....but I can empathise with both of you.

Well, I'm definitely in the category of having a wife who is tolerant but feels worse about herself the more I commit to exercise. I can feel it, I can see it in her eyes. My wife has never been, nor do I think she will ever be into regular exercise. She enjoys yoga once or twice a week and might go on the treadmill once a week for 10 minutes. She is petite naturally and pretty (5'3 105) but not especially strong or toned. She tires easily with exercise, just doesn't seem to have the motivation (and she has regular checkups, no medical reasons for this). She's also a terrible sleeper. She is an educated stay at home mom. Anyone recognize this profile? I am perfectly happy with her and love her as she is, yet the more in shape I get the less secure she becomes. I am not getting in shape for other women, but I am happy seeing myself fit and I'm really aiming to swim in a master's national meet some day. I exercise maybe 1.5-2 hours a day, usually early in the morning either before or as they are waking up, then go to work (often a 12 hour shift). I purposefully avoid talking about my workouts or my goals with her because she doesn't seem interested or happy when I bring the topic up. At times she has flat out said that the topic makes her feel worse about herself. If I try to encourage her to swim or get involved in something I worry it might come across as not being happy with her as she is. I admit it would be nice if she shared this interest and we could swim together or talk about our workouts (like some of you). But you can't have everything. I recognise some similarities with my husband's situation. Pre-kids I would swim 4 times per week and would get the "swimming is taking over your life" attitude. He obviously hadn't met some of my team-mates, nor was he interested in meeting them :). However I was working full time and we ended up having our separate social lives as well as our together social lives, so it wasn't like he didn't get out. Now, I'm the educated stay at home mom that cherishes my 2 days when both kids are in school and I can get to the pool. He has a very demanding job and if he wanted to get in some regular exercise I'm not sure I'd see much of him at all. I do sometimes wonder if he feels bad about not exercising or worries about his weight. I certainly worry about his weight, but know better to tell him he's a fat lazy oaf, as really he's not (overweight yes, but lazy-not really), he's just not particularly disciplined in that area. I actually agree with him that swimming is a very boring spectator sport and I don't expect him to attend meets, but I do need him to look after the girls if I go to one, which then means that he is doing my job so I can swim. I do sometimes feel bad about that, but then again I make myself available 24/7 to look after the kids due to his long hours. I rarely if ever say if I've had a good workout, cos he really doesn't care, and I don't need his approval. It does sound like your wife needs something that is "hers" to kind of balance out your swimming time. It doesn't necessarily need to be exercise, particularly as she already has that "rockin' bod". Swimming is my escape, other people I know go to a weekly knitting circle. :blah::blah::blah::blah: Another long post which has some point to it somewhere, honestly.....but I can empathise with both of you.