2011 WSJ Article: A Workout Ate My Marriage

I am also mildly surprised that most seem to have always supportive amazing spouses. Endurance sports are time consuming. Thus, far only the smilie That Guy has fessed up to any issues (and I admitted to periodic annoyance.) But, then, perhaps people do not want to discuss sleeping arrangements and such. Okay, I'll bite. I am married to a former college swimmer and we met thru masters swimming, so if anyone is going to be understanding/supportive, she is. Which doesn't mean there are no issues, ever. Complaints are generally not about parenting (those disagreements are almost always about philosophical differences, not about how much time we are spending on it), but the ones I hear most often are: -- I swim in the mornings which means that I am gone by the time my wife wakes up. I try to swim 5-6 times per week. Sometimes she misses waking up together. Most often I'll hear this if I want to swim on a weekend morning (something I always clear with her beforehand) after having swum every day during the week. In fact, I'd say that if I *have* swum M-F (doesn't always happen) then she'll ask that I not swim Sat AM. Which is absolutely reasonable, of course, and I'll accept that without complaint (and maybe try to squeeze in a mid-day workout if possible). -- I go absolutely batty if I have to go more than 1-2 days without working out (yes, I recognize that I am an endorphin addict. There are worse things). This can sometimes make vacation planning a little stressful, especially if we are in the middle of nowhere (eg, a camping trip). We have learned to negotiate things prior to a vacation: some will involve no trips to the gym, some will involve bike rides or OW swimming, other times we will try to find a pool or even a masters team. Now that our son is old enough to be alone for an hour or two, things are a little easier b/c we can work out together. And sometimes we take vacation a little before a major meet (ie during taper time): I don't object to that as long as she doesn't object to me needing to find a pool or other body of water on an almost-daily basis, in an unobtrusive manner as possible. I'd say those are the two most stressful and recurring training-related points, though others come up off and on. And I'd probably say that my exercise (and hers) has far less effect on our child-rearing than it does on own relationship. But since we've been married for more than 18 years, I guess it has been working out so far. Mostly my advice would be: clear everything ahead of time, but don't assume that consent always means the other person is happy about it. It needs to be clear that family comes before exercise. On the other hand, for many of us I would assume that regular exercise is associated with happiness too (not to mention health) and in a good relationship I would think that would carry some weight too, as long as it isn't carried to unreasonable extremes. What is "unreasonable" will unfortunately differ from person to person... I also think that husbands need to be sensitive to the fact that exercise (or lack thereof) can be an especially touchy subject with wives. WE aren't the ones who get pregnant and have to lose the extra pounds; WE generally don't suffer "mommy guilt" as acutely; and I think that we don't have as big a problem with it when we are carrying around a few extra pounds (I realize I may be generalizing outrageously).

I am also mildly surprised that most seem to have always supportive amazing spouses. Endurance sports are time consuming. Thus, far only the smilie That Guy has fessed up to any issues (and I admitted to periodic annoyance.) But, then, perhaps people do not want to discuss sleeping arrangements and such. Okay, I'll bite. I am married to a former college swimmer and we met thru masters swimming, so if anyone is going to be understanding/supportive, she is. Which doesn't mean there are no issues, ever. Complaints are generally not about parenting (those disagreements are almost always about philosophical differences, not about how much time we are spending on it), but the ones I hear most often are: -- I swim in the mornings which means that I am gone by the time my wife wakes up. I try to swim 5-6 times per week. Sometimes she misses waking up together. Most often I'll hear this if I want to swim on a weekend morning (something I always clear with her beforehand) after having swum every day during the week. In fact, I'd say that if I *have* swum M-F (doesn't always happen) then she'll ask that I not swim Sat AM. Which is absolutely reasonable, of course, and I'll accept that without complaint (and maybe try to squeeze in a mid-day workout if possible). -- I go absolutely batty if I have to go more than 1-2 days without working out (yes, I recognize that I am an endorphin addict. There are worse things). This can sometimes make vacation planning a little stressful, especially if we are in the middle of nowhere (eg, a camping trip). We have learned to negotiate things prior to a vacation: some will involve no trips to the gym, some will involve bike rides or OW swimming, other times we will try to find a pool or even a masters team. Now that our son is old enough to be alone for an hour or two, things are a little easier b/c we can work out together. And sometimes we take vacation a little before a major meet (ie during taper time): I don't object to that as long as she doesn't object to me needing to find a pool or other body of water on an almost-daily basis, in an unobtrusive manner as possible. I'd say those are the two most stressful and recurring training-related points, though others come up off and on. And I'd probably say that my exercise (and hers) has far less effect on our child-rearing than it does on own relationship. But since we've been married for more than 18 years, I guess it has been working out so far. Mostly my advice would be: clear everything ahead of time, but don't assume that consent always means the other person is happy about it. It needs to be clear that family comes before exercise. On the other hand, for many of us I would assume that regular exercise is associated with happiness too (not to mention health) and in a good relationship I would think that would carry some weight too, as long as it isn't carried to unreasonable extremes. What is "unreasonable" will unfortunately differ from person to person... I also think that husbands need to be sensitive to the fact that exercise (or lack thereof) can be an especially touchy subject with wives. WE aren't the ones who get pregnant and have to lose the extra pounds; WE generally don't suffer "mommy guilt" as acutely; and I think that we don't have as big a problem with it when we are carrying around a few extra pounds (I realize I may be generalizing outrageously).