I'm sure you guys can help... I am a masters swimmer. Our son is 17, has been a club swimmer for four years, and swims on his high school team. He swims with the senior 1 group, and his practices are 2 hours 45 minutes on the weekdays and two hours on Saturdays. He is a decent, solid swimmer (state but not sectional cuts in numerous events). He is a junior in high school and is currently taking five AP courses (his decision, not my husband's and mine). His grades are good and he works hard.
Recently, he has been feeling a lot of stress due to his workload in school and swimming. He told me last night that swimming isn't fun any more. He says he thinks he still wants to swim club, possibly at the senior 2 level instead, and still wants to swim high school. He actually isn't sure he even wants to drop to a less demanding group; he isn't really sure what to do. While I think his academic load is part of why he is stressed, I know that constantly staring at a black line for hours is playing a large part as well. Aside from being supportive of him and encouraging him to talk to his coach (who is my coach as well, which could possibly complicate things), is there anything I can do to help? I don't want to be one of "those" parents, but I want to do what is best for my son. Obviously I would like him to stay in the senior 1 group, but I'm not the one swimming there. His coach knows him well, as he has been with this coach for four years. Part of the issue is that our son doesn't want to let his coach down. I know it is his call, and I'm trying to stay as objective as possible.
I'm sure many of you experienced swim burnout as a teenager. Any suggestions you can give are much appreciated.
Kristin
Parents
Former Member
And your son is very lucky to have as a parent, someone that is taking time to handle this issue with nuance.
I doubt that it is a case of entirely black or white situation. Shades of gray. You seem to be aware of this.
We always have to keep in mind the most important:
Swim training is part of your son's education. People that have successfully committed to an elite sports program during their studies end up being different. Better armed to face the multiple challenges of life.
Best coaches are aware of this. And they can easily use all available opportunity to teach, not only train. And there are some lessons to be learned from this situation. Quitting without trying anything is certainly not the best lesson to teach your kid given the circumstances.
Setting the table for a nice dialog involving a few adults and him, will teach him the importance of communication and negotiation. It will teach him to favor individual well being, making him feel that he is not just a number in some lane, but someone who deserves the best, even if the best presents itself in the form of a compromise.
Like I said earlier, those coaches who are fortunate enough to have experimented a full generational cycle (coaching a kid for years then meeting this person as an adult decades after) know what I am talking about. For 99.9% of these people, we don't care how fast they could swim as much as how well they end up doing in life. And even for the .1%,,, the question isn't that easy to handle. I met with one of the Barcelona '92 200m *** Finalist not that long ago, she was working as a receptionist in some hotel. Not exactly what she was dreaming of doing with her life. Was making a final at the Olympics worth the cost she had to pay afterward? Not sure. You'd have to ask her the question.
All the best
Charles
Thank you so much, and I really mean that. You have really summed everything up very well.
This is a possible solution I was wondering about. Its seems to me that going from 5-6 days a week to 4-5 would not be too detrimental. I say this having not done the mega-yardage that some folks did as a high school swimmer, so I wouldn't really know what I was missing. It sounds promising that the folks involved (especially his coach) are working towards a solution. Good luck.
:banana:
That's exactly what he's doing. I actually think it may help his times, as he'll hopefully be more enthusiastic. Time will tell.
It would not surprise me if your son was feeling a lot less pressure and a lot less 'burned out' (for the time being anyway) just from hearing such understanding and encouragement from you and his coach. I believe lots of over-achievers perceive pressure from their parents, teachers, coaches, even if there isn't any. That can be why they make choices such as taking 5 AP classes, moving up to the senior group, etc. I know I felt that way as a kid, and I recognize it in my daughter. So, I make it a point to bring up the issues of pressure and stress with her and reiterate my support for whatever she is doing (as long as she's making good choices).
And I think a previous poster might have had a good idea. If you encouraged your son to quit swimming at least until the New Year, he might be really surprised. His reaction may be something like, "I know you never pressure me to work hard, but I could quit? Really? And you wouldn't be disappointed in me?" That alone might enable him to view his swimming in another light. Not as another challenge to be conquered, but as the sport he once chose because he actually like it.
Good Luck!
He did seem to be more enthusiastic about going to practice today. After he talked to us and his coach, he was acting as if some of the weight was off his shoulders. I'm hoping it lasts. And I definitely agree that over-achievers perceive pressure that we don't see as being there (although we may inadvertently pressure them due to high expectations even though we try not to do so -- at least I think I probably do). We talked again today, and he knows he can quit if he wants to. We also talked a bit about not taking on such a heavy academic load his senior year (and the fact that it's OK that he may get a B in calculus and that the world certainly won't end because of it!). The bottom line is that we want what is best for our kids, and we want them to be happy and healthy. At some point we have to trust that they will make the right decisions for themselves. It's tough having a 17 year old, especially a responsible one, because we ultimately have to let go and allow them to take responsibility for themselves. To what extent is the dilemma.
And your son is very lucky to have as a parent, someone that is taking time to handle this issue with nuance.
I doubt that it is a case of entirely black or white situation. Shades of gray. You seem to be aware of this.
We always have to keep in mind the most important:
Swim training is part of your son's education. People that have successfully committed to an elite sports program during their studies end up being different. Better armed to face the multiple challenges of life.
Best coaches are aware of this. And they can easily use all available opportunity to teach, not only train. And there are some lessons to be learned from this situation. Quitting without trying anything is certainly not the best lesson to teach your kid given the circumstances.
Setting the table for a nice dialog involving a few adults and him, will teach him the importance of communication and negotiation. It will teach him to favor individual well being, making him feel that he is not just a number in some lane, but someone who deserves the best, even if the best presents itself in the form of a compromise.
Like I said earlier, those coaches who are fortunate enough to have experimented a full generational cycle (coaching a kid for years then meeting this person as an adult decades after) know what I am talking about. For 99.9% of these people, we don't care how fast they could swim as much as how well they end up doing in life. And even for the .1%,,, the question isn't that easy to handle. I met with one of the Barcelona '92 200m *** Finalist not that long ago, she was working as a receptionist in some hotel. Not exactly what she was dreaming of doing with her life. Was making a final at the Olympics worth the cost she had to pay afterward? Not sure. You'd have to ask her the question.
All the best
Charles
Thank you so much, and I really mean that. You have really summed everything up very well.
This is a possible solution I was wondering about. Its seems to me that going from 5-6 days a week to 4-5 would not be too detrimental. I say this having not done the mega-yardage that some folks did as a high school swimmer, so I wouldn't really know what I was missing. It sounds promising that the folks involved (especially his coach) are working towards a solution. Good luck.
:banana:
That's exactly what he's doing. I actually think it may help his times, as he'll hopefully be more enthusiastic. Time will tell.
It would not surprise me if your son was feeling a lot less pressure and a lot less 'burned out' (for the time being anyway) just from hearing such understanding and encouragement from you and his coach. I believe lots of over-achievers perceive pressure from their parents, teachers, coaches, even if there isn't any. That can be why they make choices such as taking 5 AP classes, moving up to the senior group, etc. I know I felt that way as a kid, and I recognize it in my daughter. So, I make it a point to bring up the issues of pressure and stress with her and reiterate my support for whatever she is doing (as long as she's making good choices).
And I think a previous poster might have had a good idea. If you encouraged your son to quit swimming at least until the New Year, he might be really surprised. His reaction may be something like, "I know you never pressure me to work hard, but I could quit? Really? And you wouldn't be disappointed in me?" That alone might enable him to view his swimming in another light. Not as another challenge to be conquered, but as the sport he once chose because he actually like it.
Good Luck!
He did seem to be more enthusiastic about going to practice today. After he talked to us and his coach, he was acting as if some of the weight was off his shoulders. I'm hoping it lasts. And I definitely agree that over-achievers perceive pressure that we don't see as being there (although we may inadvertently pressure them due to high expectations even though we try not to do so -- at least I think I probably do). We talked again today, and he knows he can quit if he wants to. We also talked a bit about not taking on such a heavy academic load his senior year (and the fact that it's OK that he may get a B in calculus and that the world certainly won't end because of it!). The bottom line is that we want what is best for our kids, and we want them to be happy and healthy. At some point we have to trust that they will make the right decisions for themselves. It's tough having a 17 year old, especially a responsible one, because we ultimately have to let go and allow them to take responsibility for themselves. To what extent is the dilemma.
