Here is a question for the lawyers out there.
Do FINA regulations supersede US federal anti-sex discrimination laws?
Granted, I am not sure I know what the latter are. However, if I were to show up at a USMS swimming meet, wearing a perfectly legal women's swimming suit, one of the zipper-free kneeskin type models that also covered my ample boobage, and the officials rightly disqualified me for wearing this get-up because it is against the FINA/USMS agreed upon New Order, could I then turn around and sue under some federal statute prohibiting discrimination because gender?
In my mind, the new FINA rules are going to end up making swimming even more of a dying sport for boys in the US than the unintended consequences of Title IX, etc. Girls, especially in the younger age groups, can often beat boys in swimming, and in fact our own Mr. Qbrain got a top 10 time in the men's 30-34 LCM 1500 this summer. His wife, if I am remembering correctly, beat his time but failed to make the top 10 in the women's category.
If anything, it is we men who are now at a disadvantage. I say make the dystaff gender wear thongs and let us wear body suits fashioned to look like very streamlined tuxedos.
Suits for women now remain pretty much unchanged by the new FINA ruling, with the exception, that is, of getting rid of zippers and getting rid of non textiles. But that means women can continue to swim in what are still arguably very fast suits--FS1's, for example, that are very close to the short john types that helped loads of people get their best times. Men are prohibited from wearing anything but jammers.
Chicks, in other words, get 2004 technology; guys are back to the 60s. Why not let us go back to the 20s instead, when Johnny Weismuller wore a full body suit, albeit of wool?
So, in the spirit of Larry David, who recently concluded an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm with the line, "I'm Larry David, and I am comfortable in women's underwear"--I propose that any men who want to join me in the latest civil rights battle of our time show up at nationals this summer in women's suits and accompanied by our class action lawyer, and join me in echoing in a collective voice that rings out in natatoriums all across the fruited plain:
"I am a male USMS swimmer, and I am comfortable wearing women's suits."
Provided I can find an esquire who will agree to take the case on a contingency basis, I say this to the USMS sexist powers that be:
See you in court! Suckers!
I was starting to think my original concept here--allowing men to wear women's speed suits post FINA ban--had been hijacked by our southern friends intent on reliving the War of Southern Bone-Headedness, which they lost, and rightly so.
However, I see now that the Great Circle of Life has not been hijacked at all, just taken for a logical spin.
For the new FINA rulings that ban men like me from wearing the same suits that Leslie gets to wear is almost certainly going to go down in history as a reigniting of that age-old conflict, its name changed only slightly to the War of FINA Bone-Headedness, which I do hope they will lose again, and rightly so.
Virgil, quick come see--there goes the Robert E. Lee.
But only time will tell.
Is anyone else sick? My head is spinning, and when I tilt my noggin side to side, I can hear little electrical noises sputtering inside. Like the very distant zapping of a night bug in one of those insect electrocution devices.
Does anyone else have this symptom, and if so, do you know what is causing it and what can make it go away?
--Your clammily sweating chilled northern aggressor friend, Jim
I was starting to think my original concept here--allowing men to wear women's speed suits post FINA ban--had been hijacked by our southern friends intent on reliving the War of Southern Bone-Headedness, which they lost, and rightly so.
However, I see now that the Great Circle of Life has not been hijacked at all, just taken for a logical spin.
For the new FINA rulings that ban men like me from wearing the same suits that Leslie gets to wear is almost certainly going to go down in history as a reigniting of that age-old conflict, its name changed only slightly to the War of FINA Bone-Headedness, which I do hope they will lose again, and rightly so.
Virgil, quick come see--there goes the Robert E. Lee.
But only time will tell.
Is anyone else sick? My head is spinning, and when I tilt my noggin side to side, I can hear little electrical noises sputtering inside. Like the very distant zapping of a night bug in one of those insect electrocution devices.
Does anyone else have this symptom, and if so, do you know what is causing it and what can make it go away?
--Your clammily sweating chilled northern aggressor friend, Jim
