Here is a question for the lawyers out there.
Do FINA regulations supersede US federal anti-sex discrimination laws?
Granted, I am not sure I know what the latter are. However, if I were to show up at a USMS swimming meet, wearing a perfectly legal women's swimming suit, one of the zipper-free kneeskin type models that also covered my ample boobage, and the officials rightly disqualified me for wearing this get-up because it is against the FINA/USMS agreed upon New Order, could I then turn around and sue under some federal statute prohibiting discrimination because gender?
In my mind, the new FINA rules are going to end up making swimming even more of a dying sport for boys in the US than the unintended consequences of Title IX, etc. Girls, especially in the younger age groups, can often beat boys in swimming, and in fact our own Mr. Qbrain got a top 10 time in the men's 30-34 LCM 1500 this summer. His wife, if I am remembering correctly, beat his time but failed to make the top 10 in the women's category.
If anything, it is we men who are now at a disadvantage. I say make the dystaff gender wear thongs and let us wear body suits fashioned to look like very streamlined tuxedos.
Suits for women now remain pretty much unchanged by the new FINA ruling, with the exception, that is, of getting rid of zippers and getting rid of non textiles. But that means women can continue to swim in what are still arguably very fast suits--FS1's, for example, that are very close to the short john types that helped loads of people get their best times. Men are prohibited from wearing anything but jammers.
Chicks, in other words, get 2004 technology; guys are back to the 60s. Why not let us go back to the 20s instead, when Johnny Weismuller wore a full body suit, albeit of wool?
So, in the spirit of Larry David, who recently concluded an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm with the line, "I'm Larry David, and I am comfortable in women's underwear"--I propose that any men who want to join me in the latest civil rights battle of our time show up at nationals this summer in women's suits and accompanied by our class action lawyer, and join me in echoing in a collective voice that rings out in natatoriums all across the fruited plain:
"I am a male USMS swimmer, and I am comfortable wearing women's suits."
Provided I can find an esquire who will agree to take the case on a contingency basis, I say this to the USMS sexist powers that be:
See you in court! Suckers!
... but Casey had a toothy little law called the American with Disabilities Act on his side.......
Okay, I like it.
Here's my disability. It's a rare combination of social anxiety disorder (SAD) and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). Despite all evidence to the contrary, I find the human harmony about as welcoming as a herd of rhinos. They scare me, Bill. They scare me bad.
As if this weren't enough--again, in defiance of all rationality--I see myself not as the Greek God adonis-like figure others see when their bulging eyes get stuck on my cut musculature and well developed pecs and glutei from which casually dropped quarters richochet faster than you can say Jack Robinson.
Instead, I see myself as an old decrepit husk of sagging "***" (whatever that is) and moobage, an ancient and hideous cricket of a man who still uses expressions like "faster than you can say Jack Robinson."
For me to swim with my hideousness exposed for all to see puts me at a huge disadvantage over my competitors. Life and health insurance companies can then, in turn, use my pathetic swimming performance to claim I am the poorest of all bets for coverage, and either deny me or charge usurious rates.
Bill, I am clearly disabled, and I am clearly suffering significant financial damage as a consequence--financial damage which, I'm sure you will agree, must be reimbursed in full along with substantial punitive damages to ensure guys like me won't be discriminated against in the future.
If this isn't disability, I sure as hell don't know what is.
.....Your claim, based on what most would characterize as reverse discrimination, rings hollow (or if you prefer, totally whiney), coming from a member of what is normally the stronger, faster gender.....
No. I prefer that you characterize my claim as reverse discrimination. Absolutely no need to get snippy.
... ...I'll forward my bill under separate cover.
Excellent. In the meantime, do you ever take cases from guys who refuse to pay bills for legal advice that doesn't go their way? I have a "friend" who thinks his lawyer is selling him a bill of goods and he wants some sort of injunctive relief but purely on a contingency basis.
... but Casey had a toothy little law called the American with Disabilities Act on his side.......
Okay, I like it.
Here's my disability. It's a rare combination of social anxiety disorder (SAD) and body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). Despite all evidence to the contrary, I find the human harmony about as welcoming as a herd of rhinos. They scare me, Bill. They scare me bad.
As if this weren't enough--again, in defiance of all rationality--I see myself not as the Greek God adonis-like figure others see when their bulging eyes get stuck on my cut musculature and well developed pecs and glutei from which casually dropped quarters richochet faster than you can say Jack Robinson.
Instead, I see myself as an old decrepit husk of sagging "***" (whatever that is) and moobage, an ancient and hideous cricket of a man who still uses expressions like "faster than you can say Jack Robinson."
For me to swim with my hideousness exposed for all to see puts me at a huge disadvantage over my competitors. Life and health insurance companies can then, in turn, use my pathetic swimming performance to claim I am the poorest of all bets for coverage, and either deny me or charge usurious rates.
Bill, I am clearly disabled, and I am clearly suffering significant financial damage as a consequence--financial damage which, I'm sure you will agree, must be reimbursed in full along with substantial punitive damages to ensure guys like me won't be discriminated against in the future.
If this isn't disability, I sure as hell don't know what is.
.....Your claim, based on what most would characterize as reverse discrimination, rings hollow (or if you prefer, totally whiney), coming from a member of what is normally the stronger, faster gender.....
No. I prefer that you characterize my claim as reverse discrimination. Absolutely no need to get snippy.
... ...I'll forward my bill under separate cover.
Excellent. In the meantime, do you ever take cases from guys who refuse to pay bills for legal advice that doesn't go their way? I have a "friend" who thinks his lawyer is selling him a bill of goods and he wants some sort of injunctive relief but purely on a contingency basis.
