Here is a question for the lawyers out there.
Do FINA regulations supersede US federal anti-sex discrimination laws?
Granted, I am not sure I know what the latter are. However, if I were to show up at a USMS swimming meet, wearing a perfectly legal women's swimming suit, one of the zipper-free kneeskin type models that also covered my ample boobage, and the officials rightly disqualified me for wearing this get-up because it is against the FINA/USMS agreed upon New Order, could I then turn around and sue under some federal statute prohibiting discrimination because gender?
In my mind, the new FINA rules are going to end up making swimming even more of a dying sport for boys in the US than the unintended consequences of Title IX, etc. Girls, especially in the younger age groups, can often beat boys in swimming, and in fact our own Mr. Qbrain got a top 10 time in the men's 30-34 LCM 1500 this summer. His wife, if I am remembering correctly, beat his time but failed to make the top 10 in the women's category.
If anything, it is we men who are now at a disadvantage. I say make the dystaff gender wear thongs and let us wear body suits fashioned to look like very streamlined tuxedos.
Suits for women now remain pretty much unchanged by the new FINA ruling, with the exception, that is, of getting rid of zippers and getting rid of non textiles. But that means women can continue to swim in what are still arguably very fast suits--FS1's, for example, that are very close to the short john types that helped loads of people get their best times. Men are prohibited from wearing anything but jammers.
Chicks, in other words, get 2004 technology; guys are back to the 60s. Why not let us go back to the 20s instead, when Johnny Weismuller wore a full body suit, albeit of wool?
So, in the spirit of Larry David, who recently concluded an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm with the line, "I'm Larry David, and I am comfortable in women's underwear"--I propose that any men who want to join me in the latest civil rights battle of our time show up at nationals this summer in women's suits and accompanied by our class action lawyer, and join me in echoing in a collective voice that rings out in natatoriums all across the fruited plain:
"I am a male USMS swimmer, and I am comfortable wearing women's suits."
Provided I can find an esquire who will agree to take the case on a contingency basis, I say this to the USMS sexist powers that be:
See you in court! Suckers!
Mr. Thornton, just out of curiosity, is it your habit to insult everyone and anyone you can, even total strangers?
No. It's not a habit. It's more of a reflex. A sleep researcher recently described to me "neuronal aggregates called central pattern generators that are triggered by certain stimuli and result in behaviors ."
In other words, the sun-bathing snake strikes almost involuntarily when the fatted rodent wanders by, minding his own business.
We all have remnants of these central pattern generators in our midbrains, sometimes referred to as our reptilian brains.
Depending on my mood, and lately it has been somewhat sour, I find that the reflexive reptilian part of me is less likely to be overruled by my inner Emily Post and/or Ghandi.
I do apologize even as I plead reduced culpability here.
And the reference to fatted rodent was in no way intended to refer to anybody, living or dead, though the sunbathing snake was clearly a case of autobiographical wishful thinking.
Again, sorry. I shall shove my forked tongue back in its enclosure.
Mr. Thornton, just out of curiosity, is it your habit to insult everyone and anyone you can, even total strangers?
No. It's not a habit. It's more of a reflex. A sleep researcher recently described to me "neuronal aggregates called central pattern generators that are triggered by certain stimuli and result in behaviors ."
In other words, the sun-bathing snake strikes almost involuntarily when the fatted rodent wanders by, minding his own business.
We all have remnants of these central pattern generators in our midbrains, sometimes referred to as our reptilian brains.
Depending on my mood, and lately it has been somewhat sour, I find that the reflexive reptilian part of me is less likely to be overruled by my inner Emily Post and/or Ghandi.
I do apologize even as I plead reduced culpability here.
And the reference to fatted rodent was in no way intended to refer to anybody, living or dead, though the sunbathing snake was clearly a case of autobiographical wishful thinking.
Again, sorry. I shall shove my forked tongue back in its enclosure.
