In an effort to change the somewhat bitter tone of recent threads, I propose a new topic that I think will give everyone a smile and reason for good natured jocularity.
Imagine a virtual pit into which your college mascot, starved and abused into a snarling rage, is slowly hoisted down to fight to the death with my college mascot.
In the first of such grudge matches, a gelded Texas longhorn, still bleeding from its evacuated sack, but relatively huge in size, and with pointy horns gleaming, is loaded onto a winch and slowly but surely cranked down into the pit where awaits...
its worst nightmare.
The fierce killing machine that is the Michigan wolverine, pound for pound the meanest and most rapacious species of rodentia the earth has ever known.
Alas, before the straps can even be removed from the pathetic cow, my wolverine has eviscerated it and made a fine snack of its entrails.
Next?
I invited you to hoist your own college mascot down into the arena where it shall quickly join the carcass of the cow.
(Guys! Isn't this fun!!!!)
As referee, here is where we are at this point:
Wolverine eats Longhorn.
Rugby players kill Wolverine.
Hormonal cycle of rugby players shifts slightly, and rage gives way to self doubt and weepiness.
Bear makes quick work of weeping Aussies, but then gets sick. Apparently cannot stomach too much seafood.
Jayhawk pecks eyes out of nauseated bear, not out of mean-spiritedness but because it hungers for the salt. Blinded bear collides with pit wall, killing itself.
Tartan sheet slowly drifts down, smothering Jayhawk.
Comet lands on plaid sheet and destroys it by heat or ice crystals. Either way, the comet fills up the pit.
Unless a Wisconsin badger comes along soon to dig up a new death match arena, the erstwhile pit becomes the grave for all the college mascots who entered it, cocky bastards one and all, who ever thought that a winner might emerge from such nasty business!
As referee, here is where we are at this point:
Wolverine eats Longhorn.
Rugby players kill Wolverine.
Hormonal cycle of rugby players shifts slightly, and rage gives way to self doubt and weepiness.
Bear makes quick work of weeping Aussies, but then gets sick. Apparently cannot stomach too much seafood.
Jayhawk pecks eyes out of nauseated bear, not out of mean-spiritedness but because it hungers for the salt. Blinded bear collides with pit wall, killing itself.
Tartan sheet slowly drifts down, smothering Jayhawk.
Comet lands on plaid sheet and destroys it by heat or ice crystals. Either way, the comet fills up the pit.
Unless a Wisconsin badger comes along soon to dig up a new death match arena, the erstwhile pit becomes the grave for all the college mascots who entered it, cocky bastards one and all, who ever thought that a winner might emerge from such nasty business!
