I just became the coach of my first swim team, and I, being a male, am having a hard time with the whole period thing. My girls are middle school level, and a little shy about the subject, as am I. Now, I know that you can swim on your period by using a tampon, but they cringed at the idea. However, on a 20 girl team, I've got as many as 6-7 girls sitting out daily because of it. I know that's far FAR too high. I'm about this close to going out and buying a box of tampons to shove in their face if they don't dress.
So my questions are:
How necessary is it that you wear a tampon? Is it an every day thing? are there times when it's worse than others?
And, how can I easily make the lives of the swimmers who don't swim (and keep in mind it has to be for a group of 6-7 people) a living hell. I need a dry land work out that can be done on the pool deck that takes little effort to watch (so I can coach the other girls) and something they can't really slack off - I keep giving them push ups and they barely go down.
I really can't think of anything outside of making the actual swim session fun, so if you guys have ideas on how to do that too it might work, too. It need to work on something important though.
My point is that this is a dangerous area, so the coach simply needs to tread carefully. I have no doubt that some are using it as an excuse, but there may be a few that are not. I'd rather err on the side of giving the benefit of the doubt rather than approaching the group with the idea in my head that they are all sitting out because they just don't feel like following the rules.
I think enough women on here have made the point that girls need to be the ones to make a decision regarding how they want to handle dealing with their period. There should be allowances for girls to sit out for the reasons discussed above (not wanting to wear tampons or having difficulty with period).
Imagine a rule or policy stating the following: "In order to remain on the team, girls are expected to swim through their periods. Girls are expected to wear tampons so that they can swim through their period."
In a public school setting, do you think such a rule would be allowed to stand? I'm sure if I did my legal research, I could find some legal problems with such a rule. My theory is that if it can't be done in a public school, then even in a private club where it can be done, better tread very carefully.
I know some USA teams would never tolerate this situation. As I said before, the girls that are going to want to excel will find a way to do it. Those are the types of girls that will swim in a top level practice in a USA group. I have a problem, though, with the idea that age-group swimming is only for the elite. There are young ladies that desire to compete in swimming that may just want to be low-key about it and not swim when they are having their periods or want to miss a practice to go to a dance. This should be o.k. for a teenager to do.
Basically, I think there is probably a way to reasonably accomodate the situation without having to have harsh rules or demands. Generally, I think kids under 14, males and females, are pushed way too hard in our society. We seem to live in a truly mixed up society containing overachieving/burned-out kids and kids who get to run the show. As a society we seem to either expect too much or bend over backwards to make sure everybody and everything is accomodated.
Not sure why you view this as an "all or nothing" situation. Surely the coach can make a general statement about having to have a note from a parent if you can't get in the pool (boys and girls). It seems obvious to me that parents should be aware of whether or not their kids are in the water at practice. And THEY can call the shots instead of the coach having to deal with it. How is that so extreme or expecting too much? Don't you think that's a pretty reasonable compromise?
Not sure why you view this as an "all or nothing" situation. Surely the coach can make a general statement about having to have a note from a parent if you can't get in the pool (boys and girls). It seems obvious to me that parents should be aware of whether or not their kids are in the water at practice. And THEY can call the shots instead of the coach having to deal with it. How is that so extreme or expecting too much? Don't you think that's a pretty reasonable compromise?
Yeah. I guess given the situation this fellow is dealing with, it probably would be. Poor guy is probably being manipulated by a bunch of young teens.
Yeah. I guess given the situation this fellow is dealing with, it probably would be. Poor guy is probably being manipulated by a bunch of young teens.
And, yet, you do have a point that he needs to be careful. He sounds a little frustrated and like he could be a little too intense in his posts. That may be just the frustration talking. Hopefully, he can deal with the situation in a positive way.:)
Let the underachievers that like missing practice do it on another team.Here's the problem with that, do I kick girls off because they're on their period? Because, even though I know they're just skipping practice, the parents all think their children are perfect little angels who would NEVER do such a thing. They get pissed. They call up the school and complain.
You have to realize I'm dealing with super conservative parents. Both of the parents I've called have disgusted me so far. One said they were worried about their kid getting embarrassed. The other said their (incredibly fat) little darling couldn't walk two blocks from where the bus dropped her off so they had to be let out of practice 40 minutes earlier. Now, the parents are just like the kids. They fold once a stern person like me is breathing down their neck... politely.
I would love to kick about 4 kids off the team because of attitude. Ironically, they're all horrible swimmers. However, I prefer to do it the PC way and have them kick themselves off the team. I've got a strike system, and it's three and they're out. Let's just pray it happens sooner rather than later.
I agree. This is not a mandatory activity. And I've told them at least a dozen times they can quit. You've got to understand. Kids aren't logical. They're there for social reasons. If they were logical, they would just meet up after school and hang out. They would say, this guy is hard. I don't like him. I don't think I will be on this team. But the more you try to make them quit, the harder they work. And to be perfectly honest, I'd rather see that.
It sounds like some girls aren't lying, and are embarrassed. It sounds like some girls are taking advantage of the situation. The difficult thing is, the embarrassed ones are going to get hurt by the ones taking advantage.
BTW, tampons are not for everyone. My daughter tried and tried, and just does not like them....so she sits out a couple of days a month. When she was 12 until she was about 13.5 she had her periods every 20-21 days, which was really bad and she was not a heavy person, she started when she weighed 90 pounds and is about 110 now at 15. This is not a thing a mother forces on a daughter, this is about her body and it is her decision how to handle it.
If it is a school team and there are no try-outs to be on the team, then your job is to get the most out of the ones who want to participate fully, and the most(which will not be as much) on the ones who are slackers. Then the ones who paticipate fully get to prime swim spots on relays, and events, because they earned it.
It sounds like some girls aren't lying, and are embarressed. It sounds like some girls are taking advantage of the situation. The difficult thing is, the embarrassed ones are going to get hurt by the ones taking advantage.
BTW, tampons are not for everyone. My daughter tried and tried, and just does not like them....so she sits out a couple of days a month. When she was 12 until she was about 13.5 she had her periods every 20-21 days, which was really bad and she was not a heavy person, she started when she weighed 90 pounds and is about 110 now at 15. This is not a thing a mother forces on a daughter, this is about her body and it is her decision how to handle it.
If it is a school team and there are no try-outs to be on the team, then your job is to get the most out of the ones who want to participate fully, and the most(which will not be as much) on the ones who are slackers. Then the ones who paticipate fully get to prime swim spots on relays, and events, because they earned it.
This is a good response. It does sound like you have a few girls with some "issues" regarding their period. Yes, it's perfectly understandable that they would have embarrassment issues. Given the way a few of the men on this board have reacted to even talking about menstruation, and the way that girls that age can be pretty mean to each other, it is a potentially very embarrassing matter. I wish that were not the case--it shouldn't be.
ML--I feel for you as it does sound like some of the girls are taking advantage. How could it be otherwise with the numbers you've given? However, your last two posts make you sound a little harsh. You're not going to have much success coaching girls if you think that berating them is an effective strategy. My suggestion was to make sure they know they can't run roughshod over you and miss practice on a whim. A note from home lets the parents know what's going on and leaves you free and clear when a girl doesn't swim very well at the end of the season.
I don't think George or Elise are allowing for the idea that some of your girls are just being lazy. They are not delicate flowers that have to be tiptoed around. However, girls are different than boys. Menstruation is not a fun or easy transition for a *** girl. The girl you say is "incredibly fat" is already aware of that fact and probably not real happy she's that way. To take those facts into consideration is a MUST if you want to be successful coaching girls. It has nothing to do with talking down or pampering women because we can't take the tough stuff. It has to do with using the best psychology to get the best results.
As I told my husband when we first got married and started lifting weights together, women don't tend to respond well to negative feedback. Telling me I'm a wuss and that your grandmother can lift more than I can will not tend to make me motivated. Instead I'll think you're a jerk and go find somewhere else to lift. However, if you tell me I'm doing great I'll give you even more effort. I think (and correct me if I'm wrong gals) that most women respond better to positive reinforcement.
Let the girls know that you have expectations. Make their parents aware of those expectations and their daughters' practice habits. Require a note and then don't judge a parent for the decision they make. That's where you let the girls who practice more reap the benefits and those that don't see where that gets them. The monkey's off your back that way. Be careful, as a coach, not to judge the parents too harshly. It's especially easy to do when you aren't a parent.
I guess I am equally "mean" to both genders- my hs boys team (a separate season from the girls) also need their absences to be excused, which is appropriate for a varsity sport. I understand that the kids in question (on this thread) are middle schoolers, so make of this what you will. I do not want details on their maladies, but knowing a parent is aware of the situation is good for any age under college age (I work with ages 6 to 60 right now, and am a parent of kids fast approaching middle school age, so have some basis for this belief).
I do not think giving boys OR girls alternate workouts is punishment, per se, and my teams do not view it that way either - there are plenty of things they can do that will benefit their swimming which do not involve getting wet at certain times of the month, and daily workouts together are a great team builder so I would hate to just send a group home each day.
You've got a tough situation there which is similar to the one that ruined the team my daughter is on a few years ago: About four 12-14 year old females, only one of which was any good, getting dropped off and then playing on the golf-course, walking by the pool and generally being disruptive when in the pool. I understand each of those kids is worth 80-100 dollars a head, but many of the serious swimmers left for other teams because of the disruption caused by these four swimmers who eventually quit anyway.
The main problem you have is kids run the earth. If I got in trouble at practice, my parents would be mad at me; now it must be something the coach did. Parents don't back teachers or coaches at all. I say if you can afford it, get rid of them and their sorry parents who buy in to their kid's load of crap. This isn't about periods; it's about lazy kids and miserable parenting.:blah:
