You would pay $45 to enter the meet and find out that the swimmer in the next lane paid $27.50.
You heat would be delayed for 3 hours and you could not go the bathroom. Whereas the event scheduled behind you would have already finished.
TSA (thousands standing around) would search all the swimmers prior to gaining entry to the pool deck. Some lucky winners (90-94 y) would be pulled off for special full body searches.
The shady spots on the pool deck are more expensive.
There is surcharge for using the newest speed suit (!$#@).
Former Member
--No more than 3 oz. of Gatorade per swimmer.
--The first swim bag is free; after that it's $25.00 per bag.
--The Fortress would have to pay more to be seeded in Lanes 4 or 5.
--Remove all flip-flops when passing through security.
--Must agree to help other swimmers if sitting in the "lifeguard row".
--Meet referee would give the "goggle safety lecture" before each event ("In case your goggles fill up with water on the start, carefully remove the goggles, up over your head. Assist your small children only after removing your own goggles.").
The meet CEO would take all the entry money even if the meet 'underperformed' last year's meet and would cut out all paid refreshments for the volunteers.
Meet officials would be caught running the meet while intoxicated.
Lane width and length would be cut in half. And in half again later on.
There would be rampant smoking in the bathrooms between events.
Races would be delayed mid-swim due to an overcrowded swim venue.
Instead of your competitor in the lane next to you, there's a crying toddler doggie paddling to the wall. When you both reach the wall, he barfs on you.
You wonder how the swimmer next to you got to do the race with her pet dog in tow.
Sprinters like Ande would convert to distance in order to partake in the mile high club.
Now. . . if the government ran swim meets. . .
If they had the meet at Charles de Gaulle, your lane assignment would change frequently and you'd never get there in time because the signage always points in the least useful direction. Meet sponsors would simply shrug. :dunno:
DV
Water Marshalls would be mixing in with the regular competitors for security purposes...we just need to class noodlers as terrorists and we can solve a big issue!!
Serve 'em some baby ruths...that'll clear the pool:rolleyes:
Water Marshalls would be mixing in with the regular competitors for security purposes...we just need to class noodlers as terrorists and we can solve a big issue!!
You would have 6 exits from the pool. Two up front, two in the middle, and two in the back of the pool.
You get oxygen masks after racing that look like margarine tubs.
You drink Ginger Ale instead of Gatorade or sports drink.
The meet BBQ social event consists of peanuts and a quarter of a frozen turkey sandwich.
The locker room is the size of a shoe box.
During the meet while waiting to compete, you get to watch 10 year old episodes of Seinfeld, Just Shoot Me, and Friends. If it is a long meet, they will show a compelling feature film like Mr. Bean.
Need I go on???
