Media Alert: Announcing My Retirement

Following the lead of Michael Phelps and Sebastian Coe, I wish to announce that I will definitiely not be involved in the Olympics, or USMS, or anything else, for that matter, after the completion of the 2075 FINA Masters World Championships. I plan to have a press conference on March 23, 2046 to answer questions from the media. Brent Rutemiller, please stop calling me! I have discussed this with my family, my agents, my coaching team and my sponsors at length. There may be a significant number of groupies out there that have yet to hear the news, so please be gentle with them. While this may be dissapointing, even devastating to some, I feel an urgent need to get this out in the open now and clear the air. It just comes down to the viability of a 110 year old competing at that level and the importance of spending more time with my family, or the very real possibility that I might be dead by then. All the ongoing speculation has been keeping me from focusing on being a fair to middling middle-aged olympic swimming non-contender. Phew. That wasn't as hard as I thought it might be.