The Camel thats gonna break my back

Well, regardless of this coach's intent, his words fell far short of inspiration for Morgan. I have no experience with coaches, Morgan, just the people I've worked for and those who have worked for me. If you can request him to meet privately to really talk and listen to you (and you to him), you two may have a better relationship for it. If the conversation is a bust or if he won't make the time or space for the conversation, well, that is information you need to have before you make any other decisions. I struggle with this particular lesson all the time: try not to take what he said personally (even if, especially if, he wasn't trying to help). Reflect on the words, as the Jeff and Donna have suggested, take what lessons you can from it, and then let it go if you can. Much easier to say than do, I know. I'm pulling for you.

When I read Jeff's reply the thought that came to my mind was that perhaps the previous actions of the coach (ignoring Morgans suggestions on training, etc.) might have taken the fire out of her or shaken her confidence. I guess another option is that his poor training program just backfired and he put the blame on her instead of looking at the obvious. Bad coaches can really put a damper on one's drive for success. Unfortunately, once you are out in the working world the same can go for a bad manager/leader. I've had some great coaches and some great managers, and thrived; and then there were the others.

Words can inspire...or they can have the opposite effect. The coaches job is to get results...and not all of them are endowed with kindness and understanding. Hard handed approaches are commonplace. At the end of the day...motivation comes from within yourself. But talking to him will help the situation. At least in a one on one conversation you can express your feelings if he says anything contrary. Maybe a compromise can be made? Two days with the team...and two days with the masters? At least he will see your sincerity in making the effort...and perhaps you may even get to know each other better? Hope you don't mind some fatherly advise ...which I would have passed on to my own daughters in college. PS... That was a great post Jeff.

Thanks everyone for the insight. Looking at everyone elses takes on my situation helps me to really sort out what I am feeling and what is/ might be reality. Maybe my coach did say that to light a fire under me, but saying that AFTER the last race, of the last meet of the collegiate season, seems a little late. I too believe that swimming is a huge mental game, and I do go into races confident that I can win, and that I will swim my best swims that I am capable of at any given time...being that I am allergic to chlorine and as a result fall ill with bronchitis on a monthly basis, I have had to overcome a lot of physical obstacles to swim, and on top of that, I have done best times with illness. I always focus before my races, and will not allow any of my teammates to follow me to the blocks to "chat" or whatever, because I like to stand behind the blocks and take in the whole situation and get into the zone. And I swim...because I love winning. I mean I like swimming, but nothing beats winning in my mind. If I could have a meet everyday, I would have it that way in an instant, because I thrive on competition and touching people out, so I really don't think he could possibly have been more disappointed in me, than I was in me...I was trying so hard in practice, out of practice at meets to really be focused and give it my everything, and for whatever reason was always falling short. I don't know if it was just an off season, or if it was the training we were doing...but I took the 3 weeks after the season ended, to design my own training regimine, and did best times of the season at a meet I entered. I don't know if that was because of the different approach to training (which I strongly feel it was) or because of some mental block I had towards my coach, or both. But, I really think it was the training approach, because I have had crappy coaches before, and my coach is not the worst I've had suprisingly, he's just ineffective on the deck, but that would not cause me to lose heart...because I still wanted to win and do good times, even if I was not happy with the coaching staff. I plan to talk to him tomorrow if he's around. I was actually talking earlier with the fastest guy on the team, and he is very upset as well. He does not like the program either, and was very upset to hear that we were having mandatory practices. He feels he needs the time away from the pool in order to come back in the fall and dedicate himself for the next 7-8months, which I completly understand. He however, is being drastic and telling coach that he will quit the team (which for him will mean having to leave the school and go back home to a community college-because he depends on his scholarship) if coach makes him come to the practices. It should be interesting to see what happens with that situation. I will keep you all posted with how my talk goes with him, I just need to go in there on a mission, because he tends to be a jerk on the pool deck, but once your in his office or away from the pool he tries to be your best friend and fatherly figure, which makes it hard to maintain your momentum when you want to have a serious talk with him. Thanks again for all your help and support, it means a ton to me, and as I told Kristina, this group of dedicated and supportive swimmers that I have met on here, have really helped me to get back to just simply enjoying swimming. I would not have wanted my college swimming experiance to ruin swimming for me, because as I have been reminded, since joining masters and getting to meet all of you--even if only virtually, I really do love the sport.

I will keep you all posted with how my talk goes with him, I just need to go in there on a mission, because he tends to be a jerk on the pool deck, but once your in his office or away from the pool he tries to be your best friend and fatherly figure, which makes it hard to maintain your momentum when you want to have a serious talk with him. It is crucial to keep this in mind as you move forward. Have the talk with him away from the pool to make sure you are seeing things eye to eye. However, the next time he fires off some remark at the pool that rubs you the wrong way try to remember that he is probably looking out for your best interest in his own bizarre way. I used to have a boss like this and once I learned the methods to his madness we got along famously and he actually helped promote me into a new stage in my career.

I just have to applaud Jeff for an excellent post. :applaud: Now ... talking is great for both of you. Racing is hard. I have found that if I put too much pressure on myself I perform worse. I need to stay loose and focus at the same time. I put my IPod on and listen to goofy/fun songs . When I convinced myself to go out and have fun in my last 100 fly I dropped 3 seconds! I attribute part of it to some awesome coaching, hard work, and sticking to my game plan but another big part of it was that I relaxed and let my body do what it knows how to do. The last 25 always hurts, but that's when you put your head down and go ... In my coaching experinces ... I had two girls that I coached (gymnastics) one was FAR more naturally talented, she was unreal - absolutely had Olympic potential the other had zero natural talent & horrible flexibility. Guess which one was doing better and had more fun? Mags was unbelievably inflexible but she was one of the best gymnasts in the gym because she worked harder than everyone else and had the biggest heart ... sometimes we think we have the heart but we don't ... read Gold in the water for more on that ... Be honest with your coach, be honest with yourself ... did you let his methods and style break you down? Did you place blame with him or yourself? Did you step onto the blocks confident in knowing that you did everything you could do prepare? Did you have fun?

Something occurred to me while reading this thread. I'm getting the impression that some of your teammates lack heart, not you (the fastest guy is certainly one of them). Perhaps the coach was preaching to the choir? Or maybe you have more influence on your teammates then you know and he was trying to motivate everyone by directing the comment to you? I have never coached, but about 2 years ago I was promoted to Manager and I tried EVERYTHING to get my coworkers to respond. These workers were so unmotivated, nothing (and I truly mean nothing) worked. Plus I was help accountable for their shortcomings (like coaches are). Perhaps the coach was experiencing frustration with the team as a whole and you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Dealing with coaches, teachers, classmates, roommates, etc. in college is teaching you valuable lessons for dealing with clients, bosses, coworkers, spouses etc for the rest of your life. If anything, treat it as a life lesson. Hang in there and keep up the good work. Just remember your coach is human too with daily stress on the job and at home. He is not perfect and presumably he is doing the best that he can. When you speak with him, give him the benefit of the doubt - don't be accusatory, otherwise he'll become defensive and your conversation will be less then productive. Good luck - Keep us posted!

Morgan, go into the meeting with an open mind. You've got to realize that you are probably going to be at a disadvantage from the start and the coach will feel the need to exert power. Just keep the dialog open, productive and professional. Besides, what is done is water under the bridge. Yes, swimming in the off season is certainly expected. I know that in the offseason, I needed the outlet from academics anyway. It is a plus that you can workout without meets to prepare for. Stay with it. I graduated almost 20 years ago and feel that staying with the team all four years is one of my best take-aways from the collegiate experience. Don't be one of those swimmers who walks away pissed off and discouraged. You've put too much time into it to do that. Regards, Tree

Leslie? Abject obedience? I don't think so...

Good luck, Morgan! somewhere, off in the distance, a herd of rabbits are knawing on alfalfa and chanting your name... Morgan! Morgan! Morgan!:banana: :D :wiggle: so funny, my first swim coach use to give me "Bunny power" before my races...that was interesting. haha