My demented editor (I know he doesn't swim, but I can only hope he isn't a closet masters swim forum lurker) has recently proposed sending me to Afghanistan, which I can't even spell, in order to do a story not on the resurgent Taliban or even the ups and downs of the opium trade, but rather on the enduring popularity of male body building in that ruined country. Supposedly, despite all the troubles over there, muscle gyms abound in Kabul--testimony, in my editor's eyes, at least, to the ineradicability of male vanity.
Why he wants me to write about this is a more complicated story, but I replied that I thought his essential premise was flawed--that men don't body build out of vanity/desire to impress the distaff gender; they do it (in my opinion--must check with evolutionary psychologists for verification; the attached poll is a way of gauging feminine sentiment regarding hypermuscularity) to keep other guys from beating them up. The largest per capita rate of male body building in the US goes is in prisons in states where the respective state legislatures have not banned barbells (hoping to prevent super criminals from being released en masse upon the flabby public when their sentences are over.) My editor was undeterred by my theories and objections--he still wants me to go.
For a variety of reasons, including a probable State Department ban on tourism to countries we're at war with (again, more research needed), I doubt I will actually be going to Afghanistan. But in the remote case I do go, does anyone know places to swim over there?
If I am to be the first "journalist" beheaded during the Global War on Terror, not for investigating this, to be sure, but while reporting on muscle gyms, I would like to at least be able to get some final relaxing laps in before losing my head.
PS if anyone is interested in coming along as a personal masseuse on this junket, let me know your measurements for the prerequisite burka (I think Amanda Beard might model these on the Speedo web site, but I'm not sure.) I'm thinking a good neck rub might serve to relax the cervical muscles, eliminating any knots that might otherwise impede the scimitar's progress, making my moment of dispatch as speedy and pleasant as possible
In this way, I--and not my demented editor--will get the last, albeit very short-lived, laugh!
Your job really beats being a shark. Although Afghanistan is definitely not at the top of my list. First off, from the distaff gender perspective, I think you needed a couple more options in that poll. Second, again from the distaff perspective, I agree that verification, not desire to impress us, is primarily at work. (Of course, I'm happy to hear vehement objections.) Women sometimes seem to work harder at looking good than men -- not always of course, some of us are low maintenance. I remember a very lucid related post on this point by (S)he-Man on another thread.
Good luck finding a masseuse. I think it sounds like a lonely trip, this one. I may be low maintenance, but I will not put on a burka. Hopefully, you won't end up in an Afghanistan jail.
Hey, Leslie, I thought you were in Buffalo...
How can Kabul be any worse?
What other category is there beyond flabby/normal; age-adjusted swimming lean; and steroided-up grotesquerie?
I guess you could add "cadaverous wraithe" and "tabloid-worthy obese" and "whatever you'd call my husband"--but I left these out of my poll because I didn't think they'd get any votes.
So far, at least, neither have flabby/normal or steroided-up grotesquerie. Could this be the first poll ever where there's 100 percent agreement?
(An interesting companion poll might be to ask the male swimmers on this forum which body type of these three best describes them. Again, I suspect there might be close to total agreement--age-adjusted swimming lean. When I look in mirror, that's precisely what I see staring back at me--even as I acknowledge that many, many observers see something different entirely! Yet another reason I left out the cadaverous, tabloid, and whatever you'd call my husband options)
Hey, Leslie, I thought you were in Buffalo...
How can Kabul be any worse?
What other category is there beyond flabby/normal; age-adjusted swimming lean; and steroided-up grotesquerie?
I guess you could add "cadaverous wraithe" and "tabloid-worthy obese" and "whatever you'd call my husband"--but I left these out of my poll because I didn't think they'd get any votes.
So far, at least, neither have flabby/normal or steroided-up grotesquerie. Could this be the first poll ever where there's 100 percent agreement?
(An interesting companion poll might be to ask the male swimmers on this forum which body type of these three best describes them. Again, I suspect there might be close to total agreement--age-adjusted swimming lean. When I look in mirror, that's precisely what I see staring back at me--even as I acknowledge that many, many observers see something different entirely! Yet another reason I left out the cadaverous, tabloid, and whatever you'd call my husband options)
I'm going to Buffalo to watch mini-Fort next Thursday. Are you departing for The Race Club this weekend? At least I can have Boci pizza in Buffalo and watch fast swimmers and not wear a burka. I can even wear flip flops in the hot pool.
I thought, perhaps, there might be some category between options #2 and #3, although, as you can see, I did vote for #2. I think some people just look swimming lean, not age-adjusted swimming lean. Then, there are some decent looking non-swimmers who are not "swimming lean." But I guess that is NSR.
So do you coach the Sewickley team? I think I saw a reference to that somewhere.
In terms of insulting my job, no offense taken. I put quotes around "journalist" in my self description, and regularly insult myself for what I do, especially of late.
And on this note, I must beat a hasty retreat back to an explication of Type II diabetes and why this remains a much bigger risk for our citizenry than beheading.
Note: it is slowly donning on me that I may be somewhat of an incendiary influence on these forums. A modest proposal along these lines: if you see some topic that I've actually started, and you've been inclined in the past to find me offensive, boorish, pseudo-intellectual, obnoxious, or any of a myriad of other adjectives for repellant, might not it be a good idea to just leave those particular stones created by Jim unturned?
I have tried to fumigate the little exoskeletoned creatures that apparently thrive right below my skull cap, but it nevers seems to hold: my nature seems to remain unaltered. Knowing this, perhaps it's best just to avoid me and my ilk--just as I find myself recommending type II diabetics might want to find a route around any avenue lined with fast food restaurants.
On the other hand, if you enjoy a good argument--the more bitter and self-righteously blood pumping the better--by all means pile on! Just concede that it's possible that the nature of those offended by me is every bit as unalterable as mine is, and that vicious argument, for its own sake, is actually kind of fun.
And on this note, I say: raise your scimitars and let the fencing begin! He who holds his head the longest wins!
Take down your avatar of a "challenged" person. I find it offesive that you use the word "geek" in your name and put that picture up. So implying he is a geek.
Do you actually know what a "geek" is without looking it up.
Actually, the genesis of that picture is a long standing joke on this forum about the "hillbilly" nature of North Carolinians. We don't have dictionaries in NC either so I can't look up geek. You are the stud so I defer to you.
What is comedic is that anyone would think that a story on Afghanistan's body building culture would be of interest to anyone.
Alas, I too must return to the world of shoulder rehab.
However, before departing, I would like to note that 18 people have already voted.
I'm so sorry you don't have dictionaries. Sadly, I missed the movie. But I really like your user name.
Jim Majystek made it clear after the last thread closing that if you find a posting offensive, then report it to the mods or PM the person about it....BUT do not respond to it on the public forum. I personally think this is a good idea b/c it avoids forum fighting. Everyone seemed to be getting along pretty well for almost a month or so before this minor bump in the road. There is still time to just leave it alone before it escalates.
Also IMO I believe there is a difference between disagreeing with a person's comments and tactifullly pointing that out (and why) in a public response verses a non-tactiful comment that expresses disagreement. Admittedly though there can be a fine line between these two approaches...and it is subject to personal interpretation. So, if things start to spiral out of control...maybe thats a sign to leave the debate alone and post about something else....
Newmastersswimmer
I guess I was non-tactful. I'm taking huge offense. :rofl: I thought we were all having some fun (although I'm not a huge fan of the "b" word either. Yikes), and now you say we're spiraling out of control. Just when I had sharpened my scimitar ... That's OK, I'll just race Dave.
I have edited my post to read: "And Daniel Pearl was a journalist, too."
My other comments stand.
Touche! I knew you enjoyed a good debate. I wouldn't mind being a "journalist" rather than a shark once in awhile.
While I might have your attention, I would like to apologize if I misinterpreted your remarks on that other scimitar-laced thread. My bad.
Now, back to the regularly scheduled bickerfest.
Bill--
He did register. I guess I was hoping there'd be so many American parents who don't trust the current administration regarding a future draft that not registering would be the norm.
But he is now signed up, his life thus less likely to be ruined, at least in one way.
By the way, thanks very much for your descriptions of Afghanistan, your service to our country, and your offer to provide more info if I do end up going over. In my not terribly extensive travels overseas--with the closest to a war zone being the jungle border of Ecuador and Columbia, where the "contrainsurgencia" soldiers I was with warned that the FARC and/or right wing paramilitaries would snap up a fattened American like me like "pan caliente" if given half a chance--I have yet to encounter people (as opposed to individual persons) who weren't generally very, very likable.
I'm convinced that most of the people killed in wars could easily have become best friends with their killers had circumstances been different. Which is why this kind of conflict seems so senseless. I guess we're just that kind of primate, when it comes right down to it. If passions can be stirred on swimming web sites, what hope do we have for an end to mass violence in the name of whatever the respective leaders decide to give it this time?
As I was growing up, my father, a veteran of WWII who never bought a German or Japanese car, nevertheless hosted both a German and a Japanese foreign exchange student in our home. This was a great lesson for me--the idea that enemy status does not have to be, and rarely is, permanent.
In any event, here's hoping my son will never have to shoot, or be shot by, a potential foreign friend because of a conflagration hatched by nincompoops who had "other priorities" during their own time of potential military service.
As a soldier who was and maybe still is involved in the current war, what are your thoughts about our chances for victory, especially in Iraq? I have met only one person in the past four years that has actually gone over to fight--evidence of both my insular existence and, I think, the oft-made claim that this war effects very, very few of us in any personal way. Since I never get any first hand opinions, I'd love to hear yours--but will understand if you'd rather not provide this here.
He did register. I guess I was hoping there'd be so many American parents who don't trust the current administration regarding a future draft that not registering would be the norm.
If it's all the same, can you take your political opinions to a more suitable forum.
