A quick question for the knowledgeable readers out there. This NYT magazine called Play recently contacted me about writing a piece for a section they call "Master Class" -- they want me to go someplace warm and get some swimming instruction of some sort.
I know that USMS used to have some kind of program where masters swimmers could apply to go out to Colorado Springs for intensive coaching, stroke analysis in the ICAR flume, etc. Is this still going on, do any of you know, and would it be possible to just do a "lite" version of this (a day or two; bypass the application process; not actually need to be an elite swimmer; etc.)
The other possibilities would be one of Terry's TI camps (though, God help me, front quadrant swimming really hurts my shoulders, and I feel this dog is just too old to learn that particular new trick).
Or--and this might be my favorite of all--didn't Gary Hall, Jr. start some sort of Sprint Club training camp down in Key West or the Bahamas or some similar place that would prove the perfect antidote to Pittsburgh this time of the year, especially if I don't have to pay for it?
Please let me know the details of any such possibiities--the editor did specify he'd prefer me to go someplace "warm and outdoors-y." Which makes two of us.
I can see it now. In a few weeks we'll read "USMS swimmer disappears at tropical swim camp. Last seen hoisted on the shoulders of bare-breasted indigenes and headed into the dense rainforest, Mr.Thornton was clutching an enormous bottle of rum to his bosom and loudly proclaiming 'I'm the King of the Pool!' ".
I'll weigh in with an elliptical short story that ties in Jim's disappearance to the Bork's galactic conspiracy.
Kyra will write a lilting poem lamenting that nothing interesting like that happens where she lives.
GoodSmith will go off on a rant berating Jim for choosing a foreign swim camp.
Mel will point out that a high altitude camp would have left Jim with no energy for shenanigans.
Frank will post a well-researched history of masters swimmers who disappeared with a smile on their face.
Leslie will launch a class action suit on their behalf.
Heather will be sad until she learned that Jim frequently swam breastroke.
Matt will question the non-swimming related content.
Rich will post a witty limerick laced with double entendre that will
Shut down the thread.
Then Jim's editor will receive an untraceable telegram requesting a two-year extension on his deadline.
Not bad Biblioman. You just got a minor detail wrong. FlyQueen and I have broad backs and flat chests. We also have sore shoulders, so we cannot do that bare-breasted hoisting thing very well.
Here's my version:
Jim goes to the Race Club swim clinic because he is admittedly sick of front quadrant swimming and SPL lingo. He becomes so fast from proper sprinting that he ditches those engine building workouts and promptly beats GoodSmith and Paul Smith in the 50 free.
GoodSmith, in response, goes off on an anti-Pittsburgh rant and decides to have shoulder surgery to regain his lost glory.
Kyra stops sleeping so much and goes to the Race Club as Jim's manservant because she's the youngest and "fairest of them all."
Frank decides to go to the tropical swim camp after having carefully purused the allegedly sold out SI swimsuit issue.
Heather quits teaching, marries a flirt-permitting orthopod, and launches her own swim clinic, only accepting applicants with a sense of humor from Texas.
Jim gets another nasty PM because he keeps calling himself a Math "Geek" when he is really just a loud flyer.
Matt will continue to stick to the straight and narrow, seriously.
Leslie will develop an eye infection after attempting to swim at pollen-ridden, moldly Federal Way and go back to marathoning with (S)he-Man.
Rich becomes so fast at breaststroke that Peter never leaves Canada again. In a sesquipadalian fit, Peter joins Solar Energy on the other side of Canada and learns to speak French.
Zut alors!
I can see it now. In a few weeks we'll read "USMS swimmer disappears at tropical swim camp. Last seen hoisted on the shoulders of bare-breasted indigenes and headed into the dense rainforest, Mr.Thornton was clutching an enormous bottle of rum to his bosom and loudly proclaiming 'I'm the King of the Pool!' ".
I'll weigh in with an elliptical short story that ties in Jim's disappearance to the Bork's galactic conspiracy.
Kyra will write a lilting poem lamenting that nothing interesting like that happens where she lives.
GoodSmith will go off on a rant berating Jim for choosing a foreign swim camp.
Mel will point out that a high altitude camp would have left Jim with no energy for shenanigans.
Frank will post a well-researched history of masters swimmers who disappeared with a smile on their face.
Leslie will launch a class action suit on their behalf.
Heather will be sad until she learned that Jim frequently swam breastroke.
Matt will question the non-swimming related content.
Rich will post a witty limerick laced with double entendre that will
Shut down the thread.
Then Jim's editor will receive an untraceable telegram requesting a two-year extension on his deadline.
Not bad Biblioman. You just got a minor detail wrong. FlyQueen and I have broad backs and flat chests. We also have sore shoulders, so we cannot do that bare-breasted hoisting thing very well.
Here's my version:
Jim goes to the Race Club swim clinic because he is admittedly sick of front quadrant swimming and SPL lingo. He becomes so fast from proper sprinting that he ditches those engine building workouts and promptly beats GoodSmith and Paul Smith in the 50 free.
GoodSmith, in response, goes off on an anti-Pittsburgh rant and decides to have shoulder surgery to regain his lost glory.
Kyra stops sleeping so much and goes to the Race Club as Jim's manservant because she's the youngest and "fairest of them all."
Frank decides to go to the tropical swim camp after having carefully purused the allegedly sold out SI swimsuit issue.
Heather quits teaching, marries a flirt-permitting orthopod, and launches her own swim clinic, only accepting applicants with a sense of humor from Texas.
Jim gets another nasty PM because he keeps calling himself a Math "Geek" when he is really just a loud flyer.
Matt will continue to stick to the straight and narrow, seriously.
Leslie will develop an eye infection after attempting to swim at pollen-ridden, moldly Federal Way and go back to marathoning with (S)he-Man.
Rich becomes so fast at breaststroke that Peter never leaves Canada again. In a sesquipadalian fit, Peter joins Solar Energy on the other side of Canada and learns to speak French.
Zut alors!
