Ultimate Swim Times

Gosh Tracy, I am sorry to have to inform you that it would be impossible to have a conversation with me or catch me during any race while I am using VO2Max Shampoo. You see, when I begin the race I am actually ending my race at the same time I begin… and…. the atoms have not had a chance to reconfigure. Of course, occasionally I do meet myself on the way back but ONLY MY atoms are capable of interacting with themselves. This is the beauty of VO2MA Shampoo. Also, I think it is important to remember that when I developed this unique swim aid, I did so with late bloomers, early bloomers and ladies bloomers in mind. You see, ladies bloomers were a key ingredient in the developmental process to this swim aid. Frankly, having been deprived of seeing or being around these type bloomers for many, many months, it caused my cerebral inner cortex atoms to actively and aggressively accelerate at alarming rates, this in turn caused never before seen speeds in the water. Lastly, I am in the process of working on a boost agent that will dramatically increase speeds. Problems with the boost agent currently undergoing testing are as follows: • 23 % of the swimmers testing Power Boot #1 were never seen again. NASA stated that their south Pacific tracking stations picked up numerous blips or unidentified object leaving the solar system in recent months. • Many of swimmers had unsightly stains in their bloomers after testing. • Headaches have occurred in 2% of those tested. We assume however that these headaches are related to the reading of past USMS posts relating to blooming both late, early, never, now, and forever more. Tracy, I sincerely hope this clarifies the parameters of VO2Max Shampoo use and our new and soon to be released Boost Agent. Unfortunately, Swim Caps with the VO2 MAX Shampoo Logo will not be available at the upcoming USMS Nationals in Indy. We sincerely apologize for any incontinence this may cause. ;)

Gosh Tracy, I am sorry to have to inform you that it would be impossible to have a conversation with me or catch me during any race while I am using VO2Max Shampoo. You see, when I begin the race I am actually ending my race at the same time I begin… and…. the atoms have not had a chance to reconfigure. Of course, occasionally I do meet myself on the way back but ONLY MY atoms are capable of interacting with themselves. This is the beauty of VO2MA Shampoo. Also, I think it is important to remember that when I developed this unique swim aid, I did so with late bloomers, early bloomers and ladies bloomers in mind. You see, ladies bloomers were a key ingredient in the developmental process to this swim aid. Frankly, having been deprived of seeing or being around these type bloomers for many, many months, it caused my cerebral inner cortex atoms to actively and aggressively accelerate at alarming rates, this in turn caused never before seen speeds in the water. Lastly, I am in the process of working on a boost agent that will dramatically increase speeds. Problems with the boost agent currently undergoing testing are as follows: • 23 % of the swimmers testing Power Boot #1 were never seen again. NASA stated that their south Pacific tracking stations picked up numerous blips or unidentified object leaving the solar system in recent months. • Many of swimmers had unsightly stains in their bloomers after testing. • Headaches have occurred in 2% of those tested. We assume however that these headaches are related to the reading of past USMS posts relating to blooming both late, early, never, now, and forever more. Tracy, I sincerely hope this clarifies the parameters of VO2Max Shampoo use and our new and soon to be released Boost Agent. Unfortunately, Swim Caps with the VO2 MAX Shampoo Logo will not be available at the upcoming USMS Nationals in Indy. We sincerely apologize for any incontinence this may cause. ;)