Ladies & Gentlemen,
I ah, harrump, have devised a scientifically reproducable index that takes into account all the REALLY significant factors contributing to TRULY great swimming. It includes things like length and quality of workouts, VO2 Max Uptake stats, mean lactic acid load and standard deviation, a comparison of a representative sampling of swimmers with idealized stroke mechanics demonstrated in the TI video tapes, median IQ measurements of coaches, normed for nationality, a measurement of aesthetic pleasingness while wearing competitive swimming attire ... {WHO PUT THAT IN THERE?! WILBER!! Where are you hiding?} ...
Anyway, the numbers are in, and they clearly demonstrate that distance freestylers and butterflyers rule, and the shorter the races and less butterfly content in them, the more the alleged participants drool. It's scientifically reproducable; just look for our infomercial on the Botox Channel.
M. Graham Shirley, BA, MA, JD
Dept. Head, Bovine Eschatology
Watsamatta U.
Ladies & Gentlemen,
I ah, harrump, have devised a scientifically reproducable index that takes into account all the REALLY significant factors contributing to TRULY great swimming. It includes things like length and quality of workouts, VO2 Max Uptake stats, mean lactic acid load and standard deviation, a comparison of a representative sampling of swimmers with idealized stroke mechanics demonstrated in the TI video tapes, median IQ measurements of coaches, normed for nationality, a measurement of aesthetic pleasingness while wearing competitive swimming attire ... {WHO PUT THAT IN THERE?! WILBER!! Where are you hiding?} ...
Anyway, the numbers are in, and they clearly demonstrate that distance freestylers and butterflyers rule, and the shorter the races and less butterfly content in them, the more the alleged participants drool. It's scientifically reproducable; just look for our infomercial on the Botox Channel.
M. Graham Shirley, BA, MA, JD
Dept. Head, Bovine Eschatology
Watsamatta U.
