Ok, here it is. This takes a serious amount of courage for me to post this due to the obvious shame if feel here, but, I think it may help someone out there who is also experiencing the same type of situation..The following is an e-mail I wrote to Jim Thorton reaching out for him for guidance and help in this terrible time.
Jim:
I have not posted in two months now due to my severe depression. My wife of 25 years (whom I love dearly left me on 5 Aug.--no hope for our marriage). I attempted an honest crack at Jerry's way out that night...and one other time. So far this past two months I have spent one 12 day stint in the hospital and another week stint in the hospital attempting to deal with this very, very serious problem. To date, I have been unable to shake this thing. I see no hope for my life and frankly the pain and torment is so great that I really do not give a rat’s rear end about anything at this point. My problem is a simply one. I HATE being locked up..and all these units can do for guys like me is lock us up. Heck, I take Jerry's way any day to the padded cell stuff.
Any suggestions. Currently I am on Celexa and the pain and suffering are horrendous to say the least.
Kindest regards,
Tom Ellison
Parents
Former Member
Hey Tom,
At 21 I've been through things like this too many times to think about. At about the age of 11 I essentially gave up- for various reasons that still haunt me 10 years later. My advice is to find a good friend who can be there for you as that is what worked for me back in the day- in fact it was a friend who knew me so well that he knew the best way to get through to me was to do things to piss me off. Not always the recommended way of dealing with people but it worked with me.
Now I'm borderline manic depressive but am not taking drugs due to some bad reactions but at the moment I wish I was- I'm moving in two and a half weeks to LA from Tucson for a job that supposedly will further my career but will have me 500 miles from the one person I love and I don't know how to explain to everyone here why I keep bursting out in tears every 10 minutes. But you will get through this as will I. But honestly- find a friend you can pour your heart out to even at 2 am because even if they aren't offering advice in some ways you'll feel better knowing that somebody is aware of how you feel and what is going on.
Good luck- also do try and get out and swim or do something else. Swimming and rock climbing are my ways of venting frustration and stress when I need to . . . .
Hey Tom,
At 21 I've been through things like this too many times to think about. At about the age of 11 I essentially gave up- for various reasons that still haunt me 10 years later. My advice is to find a good friend who can be there for you as that is what worked for me back in the day- in fact it was a friend who knew me so well that he knew the best way to get through to me was to do things to piss me off. Not always the recommended way of dealing with people but it worked with me.
Now I'm borderline manic depressive but am not taking drugs due to some bad reactions but at the moment I wish I was- I'm moving in two and a half weeks to LA from Tucson for a job that supposedly will further my career but will have me 500 miles from the one person I love and I don't know how to explain to everyone here why I keep bursting out in tears every 10 minutes. But you will get through this as will I. But honestly- find a friend you can pour your heart out to even at 2 am because even if they aren't offering advice in some ways you'll feel better knowing that somebody is aware of how you feel and what is going on.
Good luck- also do try and get out and swim or do something else. Swimming and rock climbing are my ways of venting frustration and stress when I need to . . . .
