Ok, here it is. This takes a serious amount of courage for me to post this due to the obvious shame if feel here, but, I think it may help someone out there who is also experiencing the same type of situation..The following is an e-mail I wrote to Jim Thorton reaching out for him for guidance and help in this terrible time.
Jim:
I have not posted in two months now due to my severe depression. My wife of 25 years (whom I love dearly left me on 5 Aug.--no hope for our marriage). I attempted an honest crack at Jerry's way out that night...and one other time. So far this past two months I have spent one 12 day stint in the hospital and another week stint in the hospital attempting to deal with this very, very serious problem. To date, I have been unable to shake this thing. I see no hope for my life and frankly the pain and torment is so great that I really do not give a rat’s rear end about anything at this point. My problem is a simply one. I HATE being locked up..and all these units can do for guys like me is lock us up. Heck, I take Jerry's way any day to the padded cell stuff.
Any suggestions. Currently I am on Celexa and the pain and suffering are horrendous to say the least.
Kindest regards,
Tom Ellison
Parents
Former Member
To all of you who have shared your thoughts, advice, life stories and feelings, I want you to know that I am heart felt, moved and touched. I sincerely appreciate the kindness demonstrated here and the great advice. I never dreamed I would be ill like this and frankly it has taken a serious toll on my self esteem and my dignity. Having said that, I have three beautiful children that I love a great deal. Mark in MD has so helpfully pointed this out while attempting to guide me through this over the past few months. He has told me many times that I must go on and live for them if nothing else. He is right, but as we witnessed in Jerry's case, sometime this illness wins over our loveed ones, children, family, friends, ourselves and of coarse reality. Masters swimmers like Greg and Jennifer who are team mates of mine have been a God send during this ordeal. Support from people who are my friends and now from people I have never met have kept me from the brink...
I will continue to fight this illness. Again, thank you all for you kind words and support.
Tom
To all of you who have shared your thoughts, advice, life stories and feelings, I want you to know that I am heart felt, moved and touched. I sincerely appreciate the kindness demonstrated here and the great advice. I never dreamed I would be ill like this and frankly it has taken a serious toll on my self esteem and my dignity. Having said that, I have three beautiful children that I love a great deal. Mark in MD has so helpfully pointed this out while attempting to guide me through this over the past few months. He has told me many times that I must go on and live for them if nothing else. He is right, but as we witnessed in Jerry's case, sometime this illness wins over our loveed ones, children, family, friends, ourselves and of coarse reality. Masters swimmers like Greg and Jennifer who are team mates of mine have been a God send during this ordeal. Support from people who are my friends and now from people I have never met have kept me from the brink...
I will continue to fight this illness. Again, thank you all for you kind words and support.
Tom
