Ok, here it is. This takes a serious amount of courage for me to post this due to the obvious shame if feel here, but, I think it may help someone out there who is also experiencing the same type of situation..The following is an e-mail I wrote to Jim Thorton reaching out for him for guidance and help in this terrible time.
Jim:
I have not posted in two months now due to my severe depression. My wife of 25 years (whom I love dearly left me on 5 Aug.--no hope for our marriage). I attempted an honest crack at Jerry's way out that night...and one other time. So far this past two months I have spent one 12 day stint in the hospital and another week stint in the hospital attempting to deal with this very, very serious problem. To date, I have been unable to shake this thing. I see no hope for my life and frankly the pain and torment is so great that I really do not give a rat’s rear end about anything at this point. My problem is a simply one. I HATE being locked up..and all these units can do for guys like me is lock us up. Heck, I take Jerry's way any day to the padded cell stuff.
Any suggestions. Currently I am on Celexa and the pain and suffering are horrendous to say the least.
Kindest regards,
Tom Ellison
Hi Jim - You may get this twice as I don't know exactly what I am doing on the web. However,I read your note and felt a keen sense of knowing what you are going through. I had a serious bout with depression a number of years ago - hospital, medications, etc. - and have had subsequent mini-bouts since that time.
Recieving the major blow of a lifetime - spouse leaving, job dissappearing, child dying - represents the death of our very own dream. And the best way I finally found to deal with this was to treat what triggered this depression as though it were a death and to deal with it like I would the death of a loved one, going through the stages of death - shock,anger,disbelief, acceptance, etc.
After lots of different medications, one broke the hold of the gross depression and since that time, my job and that of my husband is to recognize when I "am close". We have a series of interventions that seem to work for me.
However, the most important thing I came to realize is that if one can get through this initial shock,things REALLY will get better, and that is not just bs. I found in my deressed state that I was not eating properly, not drinking enough fluids, generally punishing my body for what I though was my failures. Did not work. As soon as I started to eat somewhat sendibly again, my body began to respond, as did my depressed self.
Anyway, you are not alone - obviously from all the responses - in what has happened to you. You WILL be better. Eat you bananas and take your vitamins !!!! Sharon
Hi Jim - You may get this twice as I don't know exactly what I am doing on the web. However,I read your note and felt a keen sense of knowing what you are going through. I had a serious bout with depression a number of years ago - hospital, medications, etc. - and have had subsequent mini-bouts since that time.
Recieving the major blow of a lifetime - spouse leaving, job dissappearing, child dying - represents the death of our very own dream. And the best way I finally found to deal with this was to treat what triggered this depression as though it were a death and to deal with it like I would the death of a loved one, going through the stages of death - shock,anger,disbelief, acceptance, etc.
After lots of different medications, one broke the hold of the gross depression and since that time, my job and that of my husband is to recognize when I "am close". We have a series of interventions that seem to work for me.
However, the most important thing I came to realize is that if one can get through this initial shock,things REALLY will get better, and that is not just bs. I found in my deressed state that I was not eating properly, not drinking enough fluids, generally punishing my body for what I though was my failures. Did not work. As soon as I started to eat somewhat sendibly again, my body began to respond, as did my depressed self.
Anyway, you are not alone - obviously from all the responses - in what has happened to you. You WILL be better. Eat you bananas and take your vitamins !!!! Sharon
